Monday, 06 February 2012

Means So Much To Me

by Pesach (See all authors)

It means so much to me to be part of the GYE community; I think I am bringing much joy and inspiration to my daily SA meeting because of how good I feel inside to be sharing my journey of recovery with such holy and special Jews. Even as I write this, I thank Hashem for such a wonderful gift.

My journey in recovery so far has not been easy, I have had many slips and much frustration, resentment and fear, but even the worst moments in my recovery are better than my best days before. I am starting to learn the lesson Rabbi Nachman wrote: "If I make Hell my bed, You are there". One of my greatest fears is abandonment, I've felt abandoned and alone a lot in both my addiction and recovery, this fear has convinced me of many ludicrous beliefs, such as: that since I slip in my program it means I do not want recovery, that my sponsors and group will run out of patience with me, that Hashem abandoned me to my addiction and he abandons me when I slip. What I realize now is this fear is only in my head, and these beliefs are not true.

The GYE community has inspired me by demonstrating endless patience and tolerance with those who are struggling in their addiction and recovery. Never have I read an unnecessary harsh word, self-righteousness or judgmental comment, all I have seen is brotherhood, love, support, gentleness, respect, Emunah and inspiration. I know that even if God forbid I make Hell my bed again, both the GYE community and Hashem will be there to lend me a hand. What a blessing.