Wednesday, 08 February 2012

Mazal Tov to "ClearEyes613"

Part 2/4 (to see other parts of the article, click on the pages at the bottom)

by Clear Eyes (See all authors)

Day 37:

The eyes are the gateway to the mind. If we've stopped looking at the p*rn, the Yetzer Hara tried to gain entrance by feeding our urges outside in the street, and then by clicking on banners, ads, or whatever... He tells us "just peek, its not that bad".

Outside is so dangerous because we let our guard down. My commute to work is on the train, and a full block in the city. I can transgress "lo sosuro acharei aynechem"("do not stray after your eyes") 100 times during this time, and I am sure I have in the past. Now, I keep my head in my sefer and walk without my glasses. It was hard at first, but it is getting much easier. Three weeks later, my glasses are in my hands before I even think about it. And now I spend that city block walking with Hashem, and I am less aware of who is or may be walking next to me each passing day.

The pleasure of looking is great, but on occasion, the pleasure of not looking is even greater. "What?! How can one get pleasure from not looking?!" Well, it's happened to me. After making it unscathed through a trouble spot and putting my glasses back on, a huge grin appeared on my face. I was experiencing true joy. This resulted from accomplishing a tremendous feat, and for maintaining control over myself.

Though this joyous feeling does not usually happen, deep inside of us we all experience more joy by not looking.


Day 40:

Over the past few weeks I have seen a huge change. I still want/enjoy watching movies like I used to. 'Before GYE', watching movies seemed harmless compared to all the other crap I subjected myself to. But post-GYE, I do (or am trying) my best with shmiras einayim. I've become more sensitive and began turning away from the screen. When I see a trigger, I look away. And boy I can tell you that the screen is full of triggers. And this applies even to non rated R movies. If the female star of the show would pass by me in the street, I would (hopefully) look away. So how can I stare at her for 90 minutes straight? Its against everything I'm trying so hard not to do.

But I didn't just decide, ok- no more TV/movies. It was self-evolving. Like the change in our attitude. Hopefully this new phenomenon I'm experiencing with movies will happen to all of you, as you continue working on "v'lo sosuru acharei eneychim.


Another post from around Day 40:

I had the same Elul experiences for as long as I can remember. Sometimes I would start earlier, sometimes later. I'd fall before Rosh Hashanna, after Rosh Hashanna, before Yom Kippur. I don't know if I ever made it to Succos. But this Elul is already different. Why? Because I have GYE. My Elul is already different. But the real question is, "How can I make this Tishrei different than every other Tishrei?" (Isn't that the point of Elul?). We need to stick with the cure. I guarantee anyone who stays with GYE thru Tishrei past and Yom Kippur, will experience the Elul they always wanted, and more importantly, they'll have the year and become the person they always wanted!!