Thursday, 09 February 2012

Nine months ago, it was inconceivable

by Boruch (See all authors)

I have compulsively masturbated from a very young age. I know that by age 7, I was masturbating frequently. I was an addict and was unable to stop. Yes, I tried to stop many times with varying success, but I was never able to stop for more than a few weeks. I was hopelessly addicted.

Here is what helped, for me. The last time I masturbated was January 19th of this year. It is now over 9 months later and I have not masturbated since. What changed? I got desperate, very desperate. I made a firm resolution to do a permanent teshuva and I began posting on the GYE forum. Seven days later, Hashem led me to SA, a 12-Step program for sex and lust addicts. By working the program that I got in one particular SA group that was focused on an intensely spiritual solution to my problem, I was helped in more ways than I could ever have dreamed.

Also, today - nine months later, thanks to the 12-Step program of OA (Overeaters Anon), I have lost all my extra body weight. I was 80 lbs overweight at my all-time high, and as a result of working the program daily, food is no longer a problem for me in any sense.

I also had a very serious money problem - I was incurring large amounts of debt, thousands of dollars in overdraft and check bouncing fees, and had a very serious problem with my career. Today, thanks to the 12-Step program of DA (Debtors Anon), I have not incurred any new debt for months, have not bounced a check in months and I have a new and much healthier career vision.

Most importantly of all, I was deeply unhappy, very frustrated, anxious and fearful. Today, I feel liberated. I had serious internal problems with both my Yiddishkeit and my learning, despite tremendous effort. Today I am able to live my Yiddishkeit in a way that I was unable to before. Today I am learning what I enjoy and thrive on, and I am no longer trying to be someone or something that I am not.

Nine months ago, it was inconceivable and unimaginable that I would be able to stop masturbating for over a month. Today I know that with daily application to my program, I never have to masturbate again.

Could I have stopped some other way? Maybe. But this is the way Hashem has led me, and I am very grateful.