Mazal Tov to "Briut" Upon Reaching 100 days!
I think it's time for a 100 DAY CELEBRATION!
100 days into this journey and I'm now seeing that THIS IS NOT BEYOND ME. Cleaning up my act is within my field of vision. Hashem hears my prayers and is saying 'yes.'
Thank you, Father!
I feel as if I've crossed over some huge mental divide, to a place where I see a different way of going through my sex life, my love life and even my parenting life. I'm not there yet, but I now see the next round of work that'll make it happen. I hope to keep working on the following two areas:
1) "Shmiras einayim": Very tricky. I'm seeing how much I've enjoyed the 'buzz' from someone good-looking, and even filing the image away for a more private moment. I've got to find a replacement buzz to succeed in this area for the long term.
2) "More Love, Less Lust": In the past, I've approached intimate relationships with some "mutual objectification by consent" (i.e., pure lust) rather than true love. If I can focus on increasing the amount of love I give others, perhaps I can reduce the amount of lust I use to keep myself going.
I saw a beautiful sunrise this morning and started humming an upbeat tune, "It's been a long cold lonely winter; ... it feels like years since it's been clear; Here comes the sun, here comes the sun; and I say it's all right."
Thanks to Guard for long hours of holy work and for taking a personal interest when I wasn't sure I was cut out to be here. Thanks to everyone who read through long rambling posts and took the trouble to respond.
And to the Ribono Shel Olam: I don't know why you let me feel for so many years that Your laws seemed incompatible with my body, but I know it's only now that I can show such gratitude for Your bringing me right to Your door. Thanks.