It's all about connection

By MarkZ

by GYE Member (See all authors)

Guys - here's why I appreciate the forum and YOU!

When I started on the holy GYE forum more than half a year ago, I asked the following question: "I've been wondering if people with mild Aspergers are more vulnerable to the lure of pornography"

I quoted from "Asperger Syndrome and Sexuality".
The gist of that article was that lust can be caused from the aspect of relationship, where aspie young adults are often immature (although they may be interested in sex and dating at the same time as their peers).

The.guard sent me a great parenting handbook. Yesterday I found something interesting there (pg 20):

"Researchers describe four pre- existing conditions that put an individual at high risk for getting into trouble on the Internet.
1- They are lack of family bonds;
2- low self-esteem;

3- inability to express opinions and questions;
4- inability to socialize"

If this is true, it puts all Aspergers that often have all 4 conditions, in a very tough predicament - high risk for getting into trouble on the Internet.

I want to focus on the last point and quote Rabbi Keleman from further in that Handbook:

4. Inability to Socialize:
Data indicate that many who turn to the internet for pornography or social contact do so because they consistently fail to succeed socially in their own world.First, there are the socially inept. These are individuals who never mastered how to get along with others. When they were young, they often studied straight through recess or preferred playing computer games or doing other solitary activities. In some cases, they wanted to play with everyone else but were excluded. In their pre-teens or even earlier, these children were joining the ranks of the “at-risk” for later internet involvement."

They say that "The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection." And our whole society, the engine of our society, is geared towards making us connect with things not people."

Aspergers do care about relationships. But they lack social skills and therefore are often without close friends, as I experienced. I have many relatives, but none close.

Today I feel a close friendship with many guys on guardyoureyes without mentioning all the countless חברים!

I feel that this could be a Major part of my sobriety - the.guard took my "inability to socialize" and created a socializing forum, which it alone could be why my lust overdrive has crashed.