How I Got to 90 Days
Thank you, thank you, thank you GYE!!!
Before I started the 90 days this time (I did it once before but fell soon after...), I was so afraid. I have been falling every other day and I was terrified of failing but even more terrified of letting go of my self-pleasure. Finally, after receiving some help from people on GYE, I realized that I would always want the acting out, but that there was something else that I wanted too - and more deeply. That was sobriety. To be clean. To be able to feel close to God. So I began.
I was afraid of trying for 90 with nothing to help me in moments of temptation. I did try to avoid those moments, but what really helped was:
a) The Taphsic method. I vowed that if I wanted to act out, I'd first have to say "Hashem, I want to be close to you" 100 times. If I still fell after that, I'd pay $50 to GYE. If I fell without doing that (even though I remembered), then I'd have to pay $100 to GYE. I didn't fall.
b) I joined DC's 12 step conference calls. Being constantly involved in recovery talk and thoughts and doing the exercises has helped me SO MUCH.