Monday, 09 May 2016

A Miraculous Transformation

By Diamond Spark - GYE female member

by GYE Member (See all authors)

From: Diamond Spark
Date: Thu, Nov 19, 2015 at 9:22 PM
To: GYE E-Mail Help Line <gye.help@gmail.com>

"I am a Married frum woman in New York, struggling with internet addiction, chat-rooms and inappropriate relationships outside of my marriage. My husband got wind of the situation, and we went to a marriage counselor, who told me to immediately sign up to GuardYourEyes. I feel so alone, as most of the women I've met through GYE don't struggle with what I struggle, and so it's very hard to identify myself with them. Any suggestions and help... I would appreciate."

Half a year later:

From: Diamond Spark
Date: Tue, May 3, 2016 at 9:25 PM
To: GYE E-Mail Help Line <gye.help@gmail.com>

Hi,

I had mixed emotions when I saw the e-mail from GYE congratulating me on my 90 days. I took a few moments pause to reflect on my journey up until this point.

In September, when I hit rock bottom due to my addiction, I was guided to GYE. I stumbled around the site in those early days and weeks searching desperately for a way out of the grave I have dug myself into. I was so clueless about addiction, the 12 steps, and any tools for recovery. BH, I was fortunate to be directed through GYE to certain individuals who showed me the way and got me into a proper program.

For a frum married woman, it is especially hard to navigate in this unfamiliar territory which is somehow geared more towards men. I feel blessed that I have finally found something that works.

Although I have been free of my addictive behaviors since I came to GYE (over 7 months), I have had a slip here and there. After my last slip 90 days ago, I just let the days pile up, without giving it much thought. I didn't want to work towards a goal. It's not the number of days that matter; for me, it is a new way of life one day at a time.

When you step into an extremely messy room, no one will notice a few crumbs on the floor. They will see the big piles of garbage and clutter. Once you start tidying up, though, those little crumbs will be noticeable and bothersome. So too, when I started on this journey, I immediately cleaned up my act with the big and bad behaviors. As I'm getting cleaner and cleaner, those other, smaller negative behaviors are becoming more visible and bothersome, thus my journey towards a quality life is a continuous process.

I look forward to the day that I can share my triumphs and help others who might find themselves in this troubling situation. I have visions of a future filled with spreading hope and awareness to those women in the frum community who are still struggling to find the help that I have discovered after so long.

Thank you for the daily emails, a constant source of chizuk, as well as the forums and the 90 day chart that has helped me get to where I am today.

Yours truly,
A recovering addict