6 Months Clean - For Today
Thank You Hashem for giving me my second 90 days of sobriety.
I first started pursuing lust in my early teens, and now nearly 30 years later, it's the first time that I have gone more than 6 months without porn or masturbation.
Moreover, I can happily say that it has also been at least:
- 6 months since I've picked up a New York Post (I may sometimes be behind in the news, but its no great loss);
- 6 months since I read through the New Yorker or New York magazine which inevitably had something improper to read or look at;
- 6 months since I've been on Facebook;
- 6 months since I've looked at any improper video on youtube (I think I may have been on the site several times, but it was limited since my computers now block it out);
- 6 months of working on my marriage; and
- 6 months during which I have been working on, even if at times I have been unsuccessful, the issue of lust in the bedroom.
The list goes on and on, and B'ezras Hashem it will continue to grow.
But I'm not cured, and don't know if I'll ever be... When one of my sons had wanted to look at a basketball program yesterday, I gave it to my wife to censor first. She pulled out two pages with non-tznius pictures, ripped them up and put them in a cup. This morning as I'm driving to shul, I noticed these shreds in the cup, and a thought flashed across my brain for a second, "if I wanted, I probably could put them back together". I had no real thought of doing it, but I was very grateful for the reminder from Hashem saying: "Yes it's six months, congratulations. But don't think that you're 'cured' even for a minute. In three seconds, you can be back to doing the same old stuff".
So while I'm grateful for the 6 months clean, I am looking forward to remaining sober till the end of TODAY.
I would be remiss if I didn't continue to thank (and I should on a daily basis) Guard for the wonderful site, Dov for guiding me through the 12 steps, and my defacto partners Stuart and Andrew on the forum, who check up on me on nearly a daily basis, and to all the other wonderful members of this site who are helping me enjoy life. May you all have much bracha in everything you do and continued sobriety in all aspects of your life.