Experience the 12-Steps together with other people who share your issue in recovery without fear or shame, one step at a time, in order, and as simply as possible. The PIN number is not available anywhere on the GYE forum, so there is complete privacy on this call. This way, a safe environment is created on this call for more true honesty and openness than is possible on the forum or on a public call. The goal here is to transition from secrecy to anonymity.
Here's how it works: Each member gets the PIN directly from the moderator (email Dov at firstname.lastname@example.org if you are interested). At noon on Sundays and Thursdays, each member calls in, uses the PIN, and identifies himself by real first name only. Then, the moderator uses a phone function to count exactly how many members are actually present on the call at that moment. If the number reveals an unidentified caller, the members know not to share anything for that call because it is not secure. (That has only happened two times in all the years of this call!)
Calls are every Sunday and Thursday at noon, NYC time, and last about an hour. They are for men, only.
Dov Describes the Phone Group:
We do not use any specific text but do refer to AA's "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions" along with the Big Book, and SA's White Book. Instead of following checklists or texts, we try to work the steps together after I and others in recovery share the principles in the step and exactly how we work it, with the call. Callers have a safe place to ask any questions and we discuss how to break through barriers people have to each step as they arise.
Members are encouraged to doing a little writing between calls and to try to put whatever they can into practice. On subsequent calls, they often share about what happened. We realize that inspiration and pep-talks do us no good in the long run...been there, done that. What we crave is action - the right action that actually works. With Hashem's help, we hope to each find actions that lead us into sobriety and better recovery than we may already have.
It is not for guys who are just trying to become frummer, nor is it for anybody looking for the label of 'addict' to provide them with an excuse to feel better about their masturbating, porn use, etc. The Desperados are desperate for sobriety and recovery from our illness.
If you believe you have a real problem, then this call may be for you. Of course, it may not be for you. If you feel it is not for you, you will not be pressured into anything, here. You are respected enough to choose how much involvement you want - the only condition is that there are no observers. Everyone on the call needs to identify themselves by their true first name to be on the call. This is for the safety of everyone on the call. No hidden members means no secret listeners. Only sexaholics - or people investigating if they are sexaholics - are on this call. It's totally your choice and always will be - just like real life.
Often, members get to know each other pretty well on the call, and some become long-term recovery buddies. That's always a good thing. If you need something more structured than this call, that's great. In-person meetings are available almost everywhere, and making that personal investment is often a life-saving step toward recovery and a better life. But meetings are not for everyone. And some people are not ready for meetings. For many people, this call was a bridge to meetings. And some enjoy the call even though they are already going to meetings. Of course, doing nothing real, at all, because "I need something different", is never a good idea.
Note: Please try to be on time if you are able. Frankly, I am amazed when I am on time, myself... but guys who come on late to the call miss stuff and interrupt things a bit. But please don't take this the wrong way: we never discourage anyone from joining late if they really need to once in a while. Thanks!
Click here to listen to the Desperadoes Song :-)
Some good ideas for members of this call:
1 - Agree to take out at least 1 minute every day to talk to G-d. It's good practice even if we feel it is not 'working'. In addition, it is an investment for when we are ready for the 11th step. Finally, it is a quick and convenient test to know how you truly feel about your G-d...a matter we often prefer to sweep under the rug....till step 2. This is a small but real action anyone can take.
2- Agree to try and be in daily contact with a call member or other person in recovery. Phone and in-person talking are far more effective than texting or emailing. Up to you. Contact via any media is better than none, at all.
3- Using fake names (usernames) is secrecy, not anonymity. This call graduates people from the secrecy needed in the public GYE Forum culture, to the anonymity found in all real, live, in-person 12-Step meetings. To preserve that, we agree to keep everything that anybody else says on the call private by not sharing it with any friends, family, or on the GYE forum - just as they do in real 12-Step meetings. Names and personal info especially, is never shared, chas v'Sholom. This is a big one. Without anonymity, the group will collapse and people will run back to secrecy of the forum or public calls and remain isolated. 'Safety uber aless.' (For a nice explanation of this as a principle of living, please read the 11th and 12th traditions in the AA book titled, "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions". It's a great read...download below.
4- As much as possible, we will all try to keep the call focused on the solution, rather than on the problem. We here have already discovered that repeated discussions about our temptations and how to fight them do not work for us in the long run. Instead, here, we are fully open and honest about them without shame, b"H - and move on into sober living. Should a member have to reset their sobriety date, he is encouraged to let the group know and to keep the focus in our time together on the solution. This is not a complicated or difficult thing to do, and is very powerful practice for recovery. 'Talking about opening up' does not do us any good. The only real training for successfully living in the solution is: living in the solution right now by taking action and opening up without holding back for shame. (see the Rebbe R' Elimelech's Tzetl Koton #13)
5- Perhaps the sweetest thing about the group is that just by being open and honest together about our sobriety and recovery, we calmly say to the scared and terribly lonely member, "It's gonna be OK, chaver. G-d helps everyone in recovery - and He can help you, too." Isolation is a cold, dark refuge we do not need any more.
Relevant Links, Resources and Downloads
Please download the "Big Book" of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) using the link at the very bottom of the page. For the "White Book" of SA (Sexaholics Anonymous), contact email@example.com.
We also suggest downloading The 12 Steps & 12 Traditions. (Right click the link and select "Save Link/Target As")
The call in numbers are local calls from anywhere in the world. See below for the full list of countries.
|Norway||+47 21 93 06 41|
|United Kingdom||+44 (0) 330 606 0520|
|Australia||+61 (0) 3 8672 0100|
|France||+33 (0) 7 55 51 14 53|
|Croatia||+385 (0) 1 8000 060|
|Slovenia||+386 (0) 1 828 02 40|
|Lithuania||+370 (8) 37 248940|
|Kenya||+254 (0) 20 7651037|
|Ukraine||+380 (0) 89 323 9966|
|Romania||+40 (0) 31 780 7050|
|Pakistan||+92 (0) 21 37130600|
|Spain||+34 931 98 23 80|
|Israel||+972 (0) 55-966-1137|
|Latvia||+371 67 881 238|
|United States||(641) 715-3836|
|Iceland||+354 539 0302|
|South Africa||+27 (0) 87 825 0150|
|Estonia||+372 614 8048|
|Hungary||+36 1 987 6880|
|Sweden||+46 (0) 8 124 107 00|
|Belgium||+32 (0) 4 244 10 75|
|Cambodia||+855 (0) 96 696 7637|
|Germany||+49 (0) 221 98203415|
|Netherlands||+31 (0) 6 35205060|
|Chile||+56 44 890 9330|
|Brazil||+55 61 4040-4277|
|Japan||+81 (0) 3-5050-5100|
|Denmark||+45 78 77 25 20|
|Argentina||+54 (0) 11 5199-3568|
|Italy||+39 011 092 0915|
|Bulgaria||+359 (0) 2 437 2631|
|Luxembourg||+352 20 30 10 00|
|Malaysia||+60 (0) 11-1146 0060|
|Costa Rica||+506 4090 1331|
|Czech Republic||+420 225 989 155|
|Colombia||+57 6 7334245|
|Slovakia||+421 2 336 633 00|
|Poland||+48 22 263 97 46|
|Portugal||+351 21 005 1182|
|Russian Federation||+7 (8) 812 383-96-17|
|Finland||+358 (0) 9 31587228|
|Guatemala||+502 2458 1413|
|Bahrain||+973 6500 9105|
|Nigeria||+234 (0) 1 227 8535|
|Kenya||+254 (0) 20 7651000|
|Georgia||+995 (0) 706 777 057|
|Mexico||+52 (01) 899 274 8400|
|Sri Lanka||+94 (0) 115 322 960|
|Taiwan||+886 (0) 985 646 920|
|Dominican Republic||(829) 239-8006|
|Switzerland||+41 (0) 44 513 30 00|
|Cyprus||+357 77 788845|
|Turkey||+90 (0) 212 988 17 10|
|Ireland||+353 (0) 90 646 4160|
|Austria||+43 (0) 1 2650551|
|New Zealand||+64 (0) 3-281 0526|