True Chanukah Light
The AA Big Book talks about "being on a new plane of existence"; a spiritual plane.
Duvid Chaim often speaks about "Getting out of our heads".
"Getting out of my head" means being concerned how other people are feeling, and being helpful when possible.
I feel like I've reached a new level of serenity. Today my wife had to schlep around all day with 2 of our kids for appointments. She arranged to have our baby with a babysitter, and after school all the kids that stayed in town would go over to one of our friend's houses. In the past I would have been so angry that I have to schlep around and make sure our kids get to where they're supposed to. But now, I realize my wife is doing SO MUCH MORE SCHLEPPING than I am. AND, she made all these arrangements so I could keep to my regular schedule, more or less. I was just so thankful for the baby sitter and for our friends. And I called to check up on the kids, totally prepared to take them and stay home with them if it wasn't working out.
Then we all got home about the same time for Chanukah lighting. My wife was totally wiped out. Instead of getting all depressed and running away to escape and abandon my wife, I really enjoyed the evening. We lit the menorahs, being very relaxed about things. We had a little snack together. I played some music. THE KIDS PLAYED SOME "MUSIC" AT THE SAME TIME - AND IT DIDN'T BOTHER ME! I took the kids out for a walk to see all the menorahs while my wife rested a bit, and at the same time I gave our older son (9 years old) some bike safety riding tips because he wants to start riding in the street. I stayed calm throughout dinner, despite that the children weren't necessarily so. I helped with bed time, and was not only calm but also happy. It was one of these 'singing and dancing bed times' that I can't believe when I hear other people talk about them. I had a bit of a shmooze with my older son (still 9) while he waited for his bed time to come around.
My wife commented to me, "you spoke so nicely to everyone."
I feel that this was an exceptional evening when I was able to overcome over my selfishness. I feel that I'm actually starting to change.