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People with the so called “porn addiction” suffer from a maladaptive relationship to sex in an obsessive & compulsive manner. “Porn addicts” have a number of criteria similar to those used to diagnose drug addiction, making them very similar in their appearance.

Here we have the DSM-IV criteria for Substance Dependence (soon we will compare it with sexual addiction):

You need 3 or more of these criteria below within a 12 month period for a diagnosable SUD (Substance Use Disorder):

1 - Tolerance

2 - Withdrawal

3 - The substance is taken in larger amounts than intended or over a longer period of time than intended.

4 - There is a persistent desire to stop yet unsuccessful attempts at cutting down

5 - A great deal of time is spent with preoccupation about obtaining the drug, using the drug, and recovering from the usage

6 - Social, occupational, and relational activities are given up or greatly reduced as a result of the drug use

7 - The drug use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problems that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by the drug use

Now, just watch how closely related “porn addiction” appears to drug addiction according to the above criteria. Watch closely with an objective eye!

Here are some common observations of proposed “porn addiction”:

1 - Tolerance. There is an easily observable phenomenon of tolerance in regards to sex/lust addiction. The more a person uses porn, the less he is able to achieve the desired arousal effect, and he continues to seek ever more hardcore, perverted and explicit imagery to achieve the same high. To be fair, some articles say that in empirically supported research, it is difficult to observe this in research, and that this is one of the weak links to showing how it is an addiction. However, if you interview dozens of “porn addicts” within any given year, like I have the opportunity to do, you’ll see in most cases that there is an easily identifiable tolerance phenomenology. I am not a researcher but I “observe this” every day, and have correlated this with other therapists who are heavily involved in sexual addiction work. The research of Patrick Carnes also observed this for over 25 years and clearly lays all of this out in his fantastic book “Out of the Shadows” in chapter two.

I am willing to concede with some researchers that they have found this hard to measure scientifically, but at the same time, I see it in my face every day, and have found other researchers like Carnes to rely on. I choose here to go with the old dictum, “if it walks like a chicken and talks like a chicken, it’s probably a chicken”. The word probably is emphasized to show that it’s not necessarily absolute but at least probable.

2 - Withdrawal. This too is a bit of a weak link because although there is some observable withdrawal, it is not as strong as the withdrawal found by drugs. Also, even the withdrawal that is observed is hard to measure, and is not similar from one person to the next, unlike e.g. the withdrawal from opiates that for most people, involves similar observable symptoms.

3 - “Porn addicts” always use porn longer than intended or in larger amounts than intended. In this regard, the research is not at all weak but exactly like drug addiction.

4 - “Porn addicts” are people who experience adverse consequences from their acting out and desperately want to stop, yet cannot successfully stay stopped. People become very hopeless after years of attempted abstinence. This is exactly like drug addiction is this regard.

5 - Preoccupation is a hallmark of “porn addiction” and is one of the biggest hallmarks of sexual addiction in general. In this regard too, it is exactly like drug addiction.

6 - Social, occupational, religious, and relational duties are gravely neglected by “porn addiction”, exactly like drug addiction.

7 - The “porn addict” continues the sexual acting out despite the most terrible, gloomy, sad, scary, real, and adverse consequences in both the physical and psychological realm. In this regard, it is exactly like drug addiction.

To sum it all up, “porn addiction” seems to meet 5 of the 7 criteria mentioned for drug addiction. And since you only need 3 out of 7 criteria to make a diagnosis of substance dependence, it seems plausible to make a diagnosis of sexual addiction.

If you read a lot of articles on this subject, you will find that the only two weaknesses that repeatedly come up in the research is the withdrawal and tolerance criteria, which are only 2 out of 7.

The American Society of Addiction Medicine classifies certain problematic sexual behaviors as an addiction. These are a legitimate bunch of scientists, in great number, who have done rigorous scientific research and determined that sexual addiction does exist.

Part 2: Maybe porn viewing has some benefits?

Some researchers claim that broad exposure to sex has many positive benefits perceived by modern society, and they accuse therapists, who are looking for a way to label problematic sexual behavior to be pathologizing the sexual activities of many people who enjoy sex as a form of entertainment or personal growth. They also claim that it provides a legal outlet for illegal sexual behaviors or desires, and its consumption or availability has been associated with a decrease in sex offenses, especially child molestation.

My rebuttal to the first part is that this is really no different than alcohol, which is used by people for religious rituals, a way to celebrate the Superbowl, or even a way to relax when returning home from work by downing a Martini; while at the same time, we recognize those addicted to alcohol as a problem and give it a label.

All we are trying to do is give a name to observable phenomena in a particular person who reports to us how sexual behavior is destroying his life and seeking our help. It is not the sex destroying his life but the way he is having that sex.

As mentioned in the article above, we are talking about people who are preoccupied with sex/porn to the exclusion of other things, more than intended, with persistent desire to stop, continuing in the face of adverse consequences, and who are suffering. Remember the old dictum “it’s not what you do but how you do it”.

Even if it is not classified as an addiction, it is still a serious problem that ruins people’s lives. It is not even a rare problem but one that is so common that it affects many people that you and I know. It is one of the fastest growing health problems in the world, and it is devastating our community in particular.

People read this article and say “oh-it’s not an addiction-it must just be a lack of morals or an illusion in the guy’s mind, a pervert or a slut.” This happens frequently with the people & therapists that I talk to & I think it is an atrocity and unfair to the people that suffer with this problem. The people taking the other side of this debate are not emphasizing enough that whatever it is called, it is a problem that needs and deserves our attention and not our judgment and castigation. It is still sickness and not a "badness" or "weakness". Even if you hold it’s not a chicken, at least remember to mention that it is a first cousin to the chicken; much like the Zabu is a relative of the cow.

Sexual Addiction is a real problem, and it responds very well to an addiction treatment model (that’s a fact). If it walks like a chicken and talks like a chicken, it probably IS a chicken.

I also think that for the Jewish people it is helpful to call it an addiction, whether it is really a proper chicken or even just a 1st cousin to the chicken. The risk of not doing so is that people with “porn addiction” do not receive help that they deserve as people and as Jews.

Also, in case you want to just call it “NOS” (Not Otherwise Specified), I’ll add that for some people, the most important part of their early recovery was being able to learn a name for their struggle and use it to find their path towards recovery.

As far as the claim that porn use has been associated with a decrease in sex offenses, research has shown that it is precisely the exposure to porn that is causing these problems (see this recent shocking article as an example), and that in porn, people and sex are portrayed as objects. The poorest messages in the world are taught by porn.

This view is also diametrically opposed to Torah values. According to halacha (see Even Haezer 21-22-23-24):

1- it is forbidden to look at pornography of any type; soft core, hard core, animals, man on man, lesbian, etc.

2- it is forbidden to look at women in order to enjoy oneself even if the person being viewed is modestly dressed

3-it is forbidden to look at provocative clothing under almost all circumstances, even if no one is wearing it

4-it is forbidden to think sexual thoughts on purpose, even about one’s own partner

5-etc. etc. etc.

Pornography has no place for Jews. Halacha, namely the Shulchan Aruch, clearly outlaws exploring sexuality via pornography, multiple partners, fantasies, masturbation, etc. etc.

We have no reason to uphold those who endorse freely look at pornography with claims of pleasure and personal growth, but we DO have a reason to name this problem with labels like “sexual addiction” in order to ensure that members of our community can get the help they need .