CLICK HERE to download a booklet called “Niddah - A Practical Psychological Guide for Couples” by Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, which contains a discussion of the problems and challenges faced by couples, specific tips and tools for men and women, and special considerations for people in recovery and other mental health challenges.
Below is a discussion between GYE and a woman who was struggling with a long Niddah period after birth.
Yocheved* (name changed) writes:
I'm after a baby and so far I've been a niddah for the past 3 months. I'm at the end of my rope, my head is in crazy places, and my husband who is usually so good about these things is really having a very hard time already. I'm saying and doing the wrong things because I literally can't hold back anymore (not doing anything drastic as my husband is very strong, and I would NEVER defile him like that) but on my part, I can't say I'm making it easier for him.
Is there something that you recommend for couples struggling with Niddah? Is there anything I can do to get thru this crazy time? I need to get out of my head... how can I help my husband go through this as well?
GYE Responds:
Hashem is surely proud of you both, this is one of the hardest things He has ever asked of you in your lives probably.
But maybe it can help to think of this: If you were offered a choice between never being intimate again c"v, or the child you just had, which would you choose?
I hope that you would choose the child...
So think about this. Hashem has given you the most amazing, incredible gift. A beautiful, healthy perfect little human being, with over 30 thousand billion cells in his body! And each cell has a DNA with 3 billion base strands, and 20,000 genes. Each DNA has a perfect combination of the genetic make-up of both you and your husband and contains information on how to create an entire human being. That’s more info than in an entire encyclopedia (!) and it’s in each of the 30 thousand billion cells!! And it’s a Jewish child no less, a grandchild of Avraham Yitzchak and Yaakov, a whole universe! How many people davened for years for the zechus of holding a child of their own and weren't zoche...
And all He asks of you in return is a few months of abstinence...
You will be together again soon. And the struggles you feel now will feel like a distant dream...
So try to hold out. Hold out for Hashem, hold out as a THANK YOU to Him for the gift he has given the two of you!
And in this zechus, He will surely bless you with much Nachas and Kedusha with all your children!
Yocheved Responds:
Of course that is a really good point.
And of course we will hold out, and my marriage is too important to me to ruin with a momentary thrill.