Sunday, 16 August 2020

The False Allure of Infidelity

Part 3/3 (to see other parts of the article, click on the pages at the bottom)

by Yaakov from GYE (See all authors)

Member "Wilnevergiveup" responds:

Hey there, this is actually a stage I went through, some time ago and here are some things that come to mind.

First off, Rabbi Akiva Tatz has a few series that are worth listening to. I found understanding the deeper side of relationships to be very helpful in this area and this Rabbi Tatz explains beautifully. You can can get most of his shiurim here Listen to the ones on marriage, and life relationships.

My eitzah is to try to really understand who you are, as a person, as one of the children of G-d בנים אתם לה' אלוקיכם from last weeks parshah, and who you want to become. Learn about and understand what the role of sexual pleasure is in G-d's master plan of the world (he created it after all, and it's not to torture us...) and how this translates into healthy relationships.

The nature of a man is to never be satisfied and always look for more, bigger and better things. The risk here is that when you do Iy"h when you do get married you will most likely find yourself looking for more and more. Every woman you see will be an "option", your wife's pretty or charming friend, your sister-in-law, co-worker, etc. You don't want to find yourself ending your relationship before it even started because you are fantasizing about a better or different girl. Not a great start to your marriage in my humble opinion.

Secular studies have shown that the key to happiness in this world is healthy relationships i.e. devotion, commitment, sacrifice and so on. This is actually very much in line with Torah thinking except that in the Torah we strive for the ultimate relationship i.e. devotion to G-d. The Ba'al Shem Tov is quoted saying that Hashem created marriage as a moshul for us to understand how to relate to him.