Here is part of a must-read letter addressed to an adolescent who perceived his setbacks as an indication of his having gone wrong somewhere and being now beyond hope. It is from the pen of Rav Yitzchak Hutner, ztz״l:
What a pity that biographies of our Gedolei Yisrael always seem to dwell on the perfection of the 'finished products' and to skip over the tremendous struggles of the early years. What about the unglamorous, uneven journey? What of the wrong turns and the hard bumps? Was it really always a smooth, straight ride? Was the Chafetz Chaim born with a special kind of mouth that automatically refrained from lashon hora? Of course not!
The aspiring youngster wistfully pictures himself sitting peacefully learning in the beis medrash, with his yeitzer tov as his constant companion and his yeitzer hora long banished to some distant island. Wasn't that how one became a gadol? Forget it. We have come into this world to be challenged, to wage war with an insatiable yeitzer hora and thereby come close to Hashem. En route lie plenty of defeats and setbacks.
The passuk in Mishlei (24:16) says it all: שבע יפול צדיק וקם - The tzaddik falls seven times, yet he rises. Those seven falls are an integral part of his elevation. It's through the nefilos that the shteiging comes - but come it will. And besides, it's exactly those unruly parts of your nature, those sore points, which hold the capacity for excellence. It's when we're straining every nerve to curb our ignoble compulsions that we come nearest to the true-life makings of the essence of a gadol b'Yisrael.
Was it really a smooth, straight ride to that glowing countenance shown on the biography's front cover? Certainly not.
Rav Shalom Schwadron, ztz״l, said of Rav Chaim Shmulevitz, ztz״l: "How did he ever manage to keep on learning incessantly for stretches of well over fifteen hours? Wasn't his bed calling out to him already, his head absolutely aching for that pillow? It was - but he fought his weariness and his heavy eyelids, and went on to become, as we now know with hindsight, no less than a gadol hador."
People assume that the particular area that seems to be their weak point is one where they'll never really excel and bring home any medals. Surely the area in which they are always losing points and keep crumbling into defeat is the one of least potential. Though they know they dare not decrease the struggle, they certainly can't imagine how this will ever bring them to excellence.
Incorrect.
In fascination we read from Rav Tzadok Hakohen (Tzidkas HaTzaddik, 49): If one particular issue keeps getting in the way, forming an obstinate roadblock, don't go into reverse. Look again at the signpost. It does not read, 'dead end'. It says, 'Here lies your maximum potential for excellence.' So please drive this way. You have just chanced upon your particular field of endeavor. It is the very purpose for which you were created."
Identifying your personal failings, tendencies, and mistakes will tell you the name of your game and highlight the part of your neshama that you need to work with most. Realize that grappling with your yeitzer hora is your road to greatness. It's exactly those unruly parts of your nature, those sore points, which hold the highest capacity for excellence.
See where the Satan is strategically positioning his heavy blockade? Over there lies a unique life mission and you are the special person who is being called by Hashem to take up those challenges and, with them, make a kiddush Hashem as unique as your fingerprint.
The bruises and falls will shake us out of our complacency and prod us to an upgraded performance. Struggles, setbacks and growing pains are the common companions of anyone striving for purity.