We're Into Gradualism Here
We're all on a slow curve going up - but it has lots of dips and chinks along the way. You may have fallen, but you're still higher than you were a month ago, a year ago, or maybe even a week ago. Even though you don't feel it, every effort counts here.
See Rav Matisyohu Salomon, With Hearts Full of Faith (Mesorah, 2002) regarding Balei Teshuvah who are unable to instantly give up bad habits, where he distinguishes between "compromise, which is absolutely forbidden, and gradualism, which is acceptable and unavoidable." pp. 264-266.
We're into gradualism here, and we may not have much choice in the matter. The falls are part of the process. Work hard, but please - take it easy!!!
Let's admit it - how many of us have said a bracha with the shmutz on the computer right in front of us? Seems like we don't care about Ruchniyus! And yet we know we docare about Hashem and mitzvos and doing what's right. So what's going on?
Somehow we've gotten desensitized. We know Hashem's right there and yet - somehow it doesn't stop us. Are we so wicked and arrogant? Are we doing aveiros l'hachis? Absolutely not. We're all sweet neshamales' here - but we have this black hole inside and a voice that insists that Mother Lust can provide us with all our needs. It never works, but we just don't see how else to fill that void - to heal that pain; or we're afraid of life, responsibility, true intimacy - whatever - and doping out into cyber-numbness-land takes the edge off it.
Putting in a filter is good. But if you know you need more - do it. Don't let this year be the same as last year. Do something. Go to that meeting. Make the call. Go somewhere where no-one will know you. But go. For your sake.