A complete loss?
"Me" posted on the Forum:
I saw in the Le'kutei Moran (Torah 25) an unbelievable Limud that pertains to all of us. (The following is my Hakdamah): We have our ups, and then our downs. Then we go up again and down again. Sometimes when we start to fall, we get depressed, and maybe even say, "Ribbono Shel Olam, why have you left me to fall again?! Especially after all of my hard work and strides to cleanse myself. Was everything I worked for a complete loss?"
So, Rabbi Nachman Zt"l states that there is not one Yid that is on the same madreiga (level) as another yid. Everyone of us is standing on our own madreiga. Then, when we begin to rise to the next higher level, we are in fact taking over the place of the one who was previously above us. Each level has it's own klippot (impure husks) that must be dealt with and must be subjugated by us. The one who was on the higher level before us was successful to win the battle over these klipot on his level, but now when he goes up one rung, and I begin to go up as well and take over his place, these klipot become alive once again, and it is up to me to subjugate them. This is the struggle that I am feeling. This is all of the Taivos that start to enter my head again. It is these klipot that are waiting for me at the next level UP. Yes, the previous Neshamah that was there succeeded to put them under control (he beat them and conquered this level), but now we must do this once again for ourselves. This is part of GOING UPPPPPP!
This is incredible. I always use to think that I was doing good, and then after several weeks, all of sudden I could feel the lusts and thoughts coming into my mind, and I feared that I was falling down again, and that I was going to lose everything I had gained. But in reality, these renewed lusts and thoughts were really due to the fact that I was approaching the next level UP!! I was going up, NOT down. I was in fact battling for new territory!