Monday, 23 January 2012


by Dov (See all authors)

Someone wrote to Dov:

Today I had a rather rough day... I attended a Sheva Brochos where Men and women sat separately, but there was no mechitza and it was a small room so we weren't very far from each other. It was Yeshivish and all were dressed properly... but as you know, that doesn't stop an addict's mind...

Dov Responds:

Dear chaver! No need to explain at all. Why, just today I woke up feeling horrible. Just plain horrible. Achy from snow-shoveling, late, sleepy, feeling unsatisfied with everything and grateful for nothing... you know. Rare for me for some time now, but - there I was. The only things that pulled me out of it was (believe it or not) Shacharis... even though it was kinda horrible, too. Weak, weak, weak. And at home alone yet.... but still Shacharis! And a call from a sexaholic friend in Texas. We talked a while and that lifted me from the postmortem fog into being entirely willing to live real life. No angels or horns, just calm, OK, "real life" as me.

Mazel tov to the chosson and kallah. Yeah, the presence of women is definitely a frequent challenge, but hey - they're here!

Well, it gets easier after the habit of scanning a room for the most attractive female in it, is broken a bit; and davening for the women in the room helps alter my relationship with them "nearer" to reality; and being willing to make a call once in a while during a break in the sheva brochos/wedding/class/shopping activity to another person who understands - and just share the facts... getting the 'light on' makes the mold wither. All these help.

But the real answer is having a relationship with Hashem and letting it fill me so that there is no room for anything else - everything else is filtered through those glasses. It may not be truly achievable, but we definitely grow in that direction. And I do not have to be a tzaddik.... As the Pasuk says "Habotea'ch Ba'Hashem, Chesed Yisovivenu - He who trusts in Hashem, kindness will surround him"... And Chazal say, "afilu rosho u'boteyach baHaShem, chesed yisovevenhu- even if he is a Rasha but he trusts in Hashem, kindness will surround him".