Free Time on My Hands
Lest I get my hands into trouble, I need to be busy.
The more sober I get, the more I can tolerate "free time". Earlier on, I couldn't really tolerate it very well, so I made less free time for myself. I took time in the woods and read up on what I saw there, made calls to other program guys, journaled my feelings, found a chavrusa, started becoming part of a shul for a change, found a great book to read while in the bathroom (there are awesome classic novels out there and all kinds of safe things to read in bed and at potty time!) and of course in my case, I got active in SA with meetings. Soon I was not acting out at all, lusting a whole lot less, and before I knew it, real life crept up on me and bit me in the behind, as it where. I was shocked to find that I HAD A LIFE! I never would have dreamed of anything such as a "real life" without the ubiquitous lust/porn/fantasy/chasing thing filling the background.
But here I am.
I'd rather die than go back to the old blind and numb life I had, and I mean it.