Wednesday, 11 January 2012

Dov's Secret

by Dov (See all authors)

A confession: I have a private, very secret relationship.

Any normal frum person who might happen to notice me calmly close my eyes when a beautiful lady walks by me at a chasuna or something might think I am very frum. Little do they know my secret: that the real reason I Guard my Eyes is actually because I am a pervert! I can't afford not to, because I have an allergy. Really. I'm not ashamed at all. I like being free and hate being a slave and whenever I put my eyes on what is not mine, I lose what is mine. As Chazal tell us, "Kol hanosein einov b'ma sh'eino shelo, mah sh'yeish lo notlin mimenu." It's not an onesh at all - it's just the way it works. We see other grass as greener than our own, and before you know it we have lost any appreciation of our own stuff!

The reason I need Hashem so badly isbecause I have come to admit that I tend to deify and pine for ridiculous things (like the image of a woman, for example) instead of for Him. That's a secret to all the normal people around me. No matter how clean I feel, I know it's because of my disease that I need to be so clean.

Doing chessed is certainly a great way to be a partner with Hashem in Ma'aseh B'reishis! But the secret reason I need to be helpful to other people is that if I don't, I will remain 'in my head' and all wrapped in my self. The next thing you know, I'll lose my sobriety. Then I will lose everything, and eventually die that way. Had enough of that... no more, be"H.

It's a paradox: A selfish motivation to be giving and given to Hashem and to people! (Maybe that's "b'shnei yitzarecha"?) AA calls it 'Enlightened Self-interest'.

Well, whatever it is, at least it makes it a lot harder to think of ourselves as big tzaddikim for doing lots of good stuff, including many mitzvos. Because in reality, it's no madreiga at all - it's just that we are not fools any more! It helps us stay alive, that's all.

(Keep it secret, OK?)