Don't Wait for the "Consequences"
I feel like I am lacking the commitment to change and to improve. I know logically that I have reasons to quit - primarily because I don't have control over my life. But since I am not experiencing any consequences from this lack of control - and please G-d, I should not - I'm having a hard time realizing that it's a problem.
Not experiencing any consequences from feeling this way? It sucks - isn't that consequential enough for you!?
What? ...It's not 'consequences' enough?
Oh! Then you are like me! I basically accepted a sucky life, too! For decades I was a garbage can and all kinds of crap went in it: Along with the lust came plenty of self-loathing, confusion, contradiction, quiet desperation, jealousy, pride, fear, shame, hypocrisy... you know what I mean. Well, I found that I could really take a beating... and a stupid one, at that. Not much of an accomplishment. I would have sat there in it too.
Eventually, b"H, consequences that were sufficiently real got hold of me, wouldn't let go, and 'helped' me let go of garbage-acceptance mode. I work my recovery and live the good-life now, or live nothing at all. That is recovery as I see it.
Hatzlocha, oh kindred spirit. I bet you are now on the right track and hope you (and I) stay with it.