All I Want to Do is Live
I'm also too weak and have given up - not on myself, but on the fight.
As long as anyone feels they can live like this, there is obviously no personal reason to stop. So we won't, period. So why add guilt? I've never seen guilt (which is just more self-centeredness) work for changing a habit like this. If life with schmutz hasn't stopped working, why'd we quit? At least, that is the way it is for me. I'd be sitting here right now, gathering my "wealth" of porn, too, if I could! But I found that I can't. That I "shouldn't" is irrelevant to me, really, in addiction. Am I a rasha? I don't really care what I am. All I want to do is live. If the only way this Dov can do that is sober, then so be it.
P.S. and off I go to ask Hashem to help me be with Him all day today and to be useful to the people I am with, not to hurt anyone (including myself), and to be saved from gathering any more fake 'wealth'...