The Library

Dov: Hello? J: Hi. I'm reading the Chizuk e-mail right now. I've been having a real rough day today, the worst in months, and have been making lots of calls. I think it's tremendous siyata dishmaya that you contacted me, particularly today, which has been brutal. Any word...

Heiligeh yid, The very fact that you are reaching out as you are, is evidence of a total shift in your attitude. For how long were you essentially struggling with this alone and in secret? So you have changed. You are making slow but very significant and meaningful progre...

Rav Noach zt"l used to say how interesting and sad it is that people are preoccupied with movies and TV - our own lives obviously aught to be riveting - or at least very interesting! Certainly more interesting than a show - all the more so, cuz our lives are real, hello! ...

The Gemara says that sakanta - danger, is more stringent than issura - prohibition. That is how I view step 1. Lust has changed - for me - from issura to sakanta. I take it exactly literally. Sakanta is more stringent and thus more germain to me (more important) than whet...

Someone who has been in SA groups in the past yet is still experiencing frequent falls, posted some of his story and ends with the following: How can I think this way after so many years of pain and humiliation? It seems that anyone else who has experienced the pain that...

Swimming in the Problem is not a great idea. It gets us muddy and yucky. Many here on GYE are fighting with their addiction - or if they are not addicts and just have a bad habit (cuz porn feels good), they insist on wrestling all day with their lust and keeping it in the...

Your note reminds me of a lot of stuff my wife and I have been through. I will try to share everything I have about this, be"H, with you. Please read it over and please bear with me. Forgive me if I say anything that sounds judgmental or critical of you , as I mean n...

I do not expect any uplifting feelings or enlightenment when I "give up" looking at a lust image or whatever. I do not expect any spiritual growth, at all. All I expect is for Hashem to help me stay sober today and not use lust very much. I will try not to use it at all, ...

Rabbi Pinchos Roberts brings in his book "Timeless Seasons", that the principle of hashgocho protis is what succos is all about. We remember how Hashem set up camp for us in the midbar and looked after every detail of our needs. We sit under the flimsy s'cach which repres...

The experience I have is like this: If I don't do the behavioral things that teach me to be free of these things (like shutting my eyes or removing my glasses when needed, praying caringly for the woman whose image I want to lust with, making the calls I need to make to o...

Someone asked Dov: If our addiction is a result of a void we feel, then theoretically, someone who has filled the void should not at all be affected by triggers, right? So why is this a daily struggle still, even for those in recovery? Why does it seem that even you, Dov,...

To someone who writes that he finds it much easier to stay clean when feeling close to Hashem, Dov writes: If feeling on a spiritual high is something you are dependent on, then I fear that when trials and tribulations come - and since the cheit of Adam Harishon and Cha...

R. Feigenbaum spoke once on the phone conference. At the heart of the discussion was basically the question: How can I, with all of my aveiros, ever expect to get close to Hashem? Who am I fooling? I've stood before the King before and pledged my desire to leave behind ...

Someone wrote to Dov: Steve said something yesterday on the morning call that really hit home with me. He said that when we get triggered, at that moment we need to say to ourselves, "OK, G-d, You've got my attention! Where are we going with this? What message do you ...

The only benefit you will get from the program is from working it yourself. Step-study is fun, but practically useless. In fact, it can be poison, if it gives one the perception that they are "working these steps"... no, they are only thinking about working them - not wor...

Someone asks Dov: Everyone keeps mentioning how they "work" the steps everyday. Can I have specific instructions on how that is done every day? I know the steps and try to work em, but clearly I don't get it... Dov Replies: Working the steps is exactly what it sounds li...

I've been having UPS and DOWNS and UPS and DOWNS. I had a few days when I was really taking some lustful looks at people I shouldn't be looking at. I've been thinking about "WHY?" As Duvid Chaim always says (from the Big-Book), we're all fueled by our R.I.D--Restlessnes...

Live in the NOW.