Today's e-mail is the final e-mail from the book
"The First Day of the Rest of My Life"
To download the entire set of translations as a PDF file, click here.
Are there medical treatments that can help with recovery from sexual addiction?
The phenomenon of sexual addiction is fueled by two central components.
1. Compulsion - which is the main fuel of addiction, is responsible for a strong need to be in control. This does not allow any external source to break through our protective walls. There does however exist effective medical treatment that can reduce the flames of our protective system, thereby opening a door for a professional and trained body to penetrate the walls we have built and help us deal with the range of our deepest fears, many of which we are not even aware of. The therapist can help us progressively get to a place where we feel more secure, and can help restore our trust in ourselves and in the world around us. Only then, under close professional supervision - and not on our own, can the dosage of the medication be progressively lessened, until we no longer need it.
2. The heightened sexual drive of a sex addict is different from person to person. Modern medicine offers medication and shots that can suppress the sexual drive to the point of chemical castration. I do not want to get into in this complex issue, but it is important for me to emphasize that if the sexual addiction is harming others, as in cases of pedophilia or rape, it is forbidden under any circumstances to wait. One must seek urgent counsel with a psychiatrist and take immediate action to prevent the next victim.
On its face, it seems like a relatively simple solution to the problem of addiction: As soon as signs of compulsion appear, let the candidate for addiction take the magical medication against compulsion, go for psychological treatment - and presto, all is well! Could this be? In reality, medical treatments are not a simple matter at all. First of all, medications against compulsion do not take effect right away, but rather only after taking them consistently for a long time. Besides, they often carry side effects, and therefore they require psychiatric supervision and follow-up, both before and during the taking of the medications, and it is prohibited - and dangerous - to stop taking the medications at once.
And herein lies a common problem. Accepting to take medication under supervision for a long time, goes completely against the compulsive nature of the control-addict. We can't expect the compulsiveness to act irrationally honorable and allow itself to self-destruct so that the compulsive person can take the medication that is to fight against itself. And therefore, many times when people suffer from compulsiveness, even though they understand on a rational level that the medication can help them get out of their difficult situation, they still somehow manage to evade taking the medication, while using various lame excuses. And even when they do start the treatment, they often quickly stop, start again and stop again. Ironically, those who end up taking the medication for the long term, are usually those who have suffered to the point of complete surrender, as we discussed in the previous e-mail.
There are many support groups to treat the various types of addictions. These groups work according to the 12-Step traditions, and their most sacred principle is that of anonymity. In other words, the members of these groups introduce themselves only by first name and don't give out any identifying details about themselves, like where they live or work. They also accept upon themselves to discuss what goes on in the groups only within the framework of the groups. This complete and zealous guard over secrecy gives the addict a sense of security and is one of the most important tools in restoring his trust in himself and in the world around him.
To all those of you who recognize that you suffer from addiction, I strongly suggest joining one of these addiction support groups. There you will also find the literature that will teach you about the steps and traditions.
And as you have reached here [the end of the book], I am sure and convinced that Hakadosh Baruch Hu will help each and every one of you to find the best path to save yourself from yourself. And [as Rabbi Nachman usd to say]: "The most important thing is not to fear at all".
As long as the candle is lit, one can still fix... R' Yisrael Salanter.
Rabbi Ya'ir Shochat, author of the book "The First Day of the Rest of My Life", helps people today to deal with sexual addictions. You can speak to him for free on our Israel Hot-line (call from the U.S as well).
See this page for more info.
The above e-mails are excerpts from the book. To order the (Hebrew) book on-line click here.
Be mezakeh the rabbim and pass the link or file on to your friends, Rabbeyim, Rosh Yeshivos, etc. The religious public needs to be made aware of the phenomenon of sexual addiction in the religious community and learn how to handle it in the most sensitive and effective ways.
Who knows how many "Yerachmiels" there are out there that can still be saved if only our community leaders, Rosh Yeshivos and Rabbeyim have the knowledge and wisdom that are revealed in the book and translated in this PDF file.
To download the entire set of translations as a PDF file, click here.