Monday, 26 December 2011

Self Esteem

Can building self esteem help with addiction?

by Dov (See all authors)

I do not subscribe to an emphasis on consciously working toward self-esteem as a way to get out of addiction. Perhaps it is a great idea for non-addicts to help save them from getting entangled in dependency... but once I got in, working on self-esteem was like spitting in the wind. I am naturally disgusted with myself as an addict and that's that.

Now, I need to be sober so I do not lose everything and die in shame as many others have, and in the meantime, it seems I have gained a considerable measure of self-esteem... I feel that it was a gift. Maybe it's semantics, maybe not. All I know is that the other way doesn't work for me. I basically threw my life away for lust - and believe it would be just plain dishonest for me to demand of myself that every step of recovery be filtered through the lens of self-worth and esteem. I dumped that stock when it plummeted to zero and will not buy it back.

I am an addict in recovery and I choose to believe that, at least for me, self-esteem is a gift from Hashem, period. Being directly concerned with growing and maintaining it would have stymied me completely, I think.

See? I still think too much! (I think)