You CAN Crawl Out Of This Mess
Dear yid, you are not alone, no matter how bad you think you have become or what horrible stuff you have done and whatever ugliness you see in your own heart at times... you are not alone. I know that Hashem is with you 100% and loves you so much that he gave you this chevra and all the other fellow sufferers who you can relate with. You can crawl up and out of this mess, as long as you remember that you are crawling. Soon, with Hashem's help, you will be starting to walk tall and getting some freedom from this garbage and pain. And the biggest brocha you can have (in my opinion) is to remember that on the inside you are still crawling before Hashem.
Labris habeit - keep your eye on the help of the powerful 'bris' between us recovering people, v'al teyfen layetzer! Learn how to not give lust the time of day. It will take time and patience.