Tuesday, 10 January 2012

If You Wish You Couldn't Tolerate It

by Dov (See all authors)

The definition of intolerable, i.e. "I gotta quit this!" - depends 100% and only on what is inside you own heart. Not on what the Torah says nor on what anyone else tells you. If you find it acceptable and really believe deep down inside that you can afford it - then you will keep doing it.

If you are coming here wishing you didn't feel that way, I honestly suggest doing the following. Spend 50 seconds - just 50 seconds (I timed it!) - before and after each davening and bentching to say something like the following to Hashem:

Hashem. Please help me see how using pornography and masturbating is damaging to me. Help me see how it sets me up for unhappy relationships with others including my wife and children, and with women and with all your people, in general. Help me see clearly how damaging it is to my very sanity and to my relationship with You, my Best Friend who will be the only one here with me after my life here and for eternity (except maybe for my wife...You know how that works, not me).

Please help me see clearly how my life will be better without my habit, and help me get over the terror I might feel when I imagine really giving it up and not having porn to turn to any more. Show me that You love me and will take really good care of me. Even more than that, please help me enjoy every step of recovery You give me.

Thanks for everything You have gotten me to this point even though I deserved none of it. And in that same spirit, please give me what I ask of You now.

Help me be Yours today.

This is not nuclear option, just another tool on the way. Like the Chofetz Chayim made up a personal tefilloh of this nature for Hashem's help to be saved from loshon hora during that day - one day at a time.