Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Don't let it build up!

by Dov (See all authors)

Someone wrote on the forum:

Today I was in mid town and I don't know how it is possible to go there! Every woman walking down the street is another nisayon. Seriously, it's almost impossible. Help! Thank G-d I have glasses, so I can take them off, but seriously, I almost went down today. I made it out alive and breathing but sheesh, I'm exhausted.


Dov Replies:

There is a fine line between failing at watching your eyes vs. running after it. If I do what I consider "poorly" one day in the GYE category, I can make calls to admit that, regain at least some humility and sanity, and let the garbage slide off my back so that it does not build up, c"v.

If I don't do that, then the only alternative is for me to hold onto it and guard the memories! Letting it go is much smarter.

On a side note, as an addict, I personally don't like to use the word "nisayon" (test) when it comes to lust. When I find myself in a tough situation, I simply recognize that Hashem obviously wanted me there, and I try to surrender and let Hashem take care of me now, wherever I happen to be.

Yes, through the steps and especially when He helps me out with lust, my relationship with Hashem grows, no question. But to me, the term 'nisayon' implies that I somehow get better or stronger with respect to lust after "passing" it. That may be true in a respect - I get a chunk more of freedom from the bondage of lust, it seems. I give it less time of day. But my power over lust - that is, my ability to successfully control and use it the way normal people do - that gets weaker, it seems. What I could get away with a year ago, I cannot even come near to, today. The honesty has grown, and with it grows my inability to tolerate my inner liar or playing with fire.