In today's world, it's unrealistic to avoid immodestly dressed women. What can I do in a situation that is unavoidable?
The darkness of night causes two types of visual misjudgment. In Mesilat Yesharim(chapter 3), the Ramchal explains that when it is dark:
(1) We cannot see a stumbling block in our path.
(2) We see something and imagine it to be something else. For instance, we see a tree and imagine it to be a man.
Corresponding to these forms of physical visual impairment, we are prone to two types of misperceptions:
(1) We fail to realize that a certain behavior conflicts with Halachah.
(2) We rationalize doing an aveirah by insisting that it is not an aveirah. We may even imagine it to be a mitzvah.
For example, even though we know we're prohibited from looking at a woman who is dressed immodestly, we may think that the female teller in the bank is excluded.
After all, if we close our eyes, how can we conduct our business? So we decide that the prohibition does not apply in this case, or that it's even a mitzvah to look at her because it's necessary.
Yes, avoiding areas where women are immodestly dressed is a great challenge. As we learned on Day 7, Halachah stipulates that if there is an alternative route, you must take it. Yet, if there is no other reasonable alternative route, you are permitted to walk past immodestly dressed women if you follow these guidelines:
(1) Lower your gaze or partially close your eyes.
(2) Ensure that they will not be in your view for a long time.
(3) If a man knows that he cannot avoid looking at them, he cannot go into that area.
Use strategies to keep your mind focused. For instance, as you enter the area, listen to a shiur on a portable device or call someone on your cell phone. Be prepared to turn your eyes away or close them as needed.
Today: If you must be in an area of immodestly dressed women, keep your eyes lowered and distract yourself with something worthwhile.
As Dave and I were discussing the laws of Shmirat Einayim, it seemed to me that some of them were antiquated, considering the society around us. "Get real!" I told him, "This isn't the ancient Middle East, where women walk around with veils over their faces." He stared at me calmly.
"Steve, you know perfectly well that the Torah was written for all places and all times. It doesn't matter if you happen to be in Babylon or in Burbank."
"Well, I happen to be in midtown New York! And you know as well as I do what the challenges are around here. It's very nice to say 'find an alternate route.' There is no alternate route! One block is as bad as the other."
"Ok, there's a way to deal with that too. If you have no choice at all, lower your gaze."
"My what? Lower my what?"
"Your gaze, the angle of your vision. Focus more on the ground than on what's above it."
"I'll bump into something."
"No you won't. Tomorrow I'll show you how to do it; with just a little practice, it'll be second nature."
So tomorrow Dave is giving me" lower-your-gaze lessons," showing me how to use my eyes and feet to get where I need to go without breaking the Shmirat Einayim rules. I hope it's not like learning to swim. I was never good at that.
These e-mails are excerpts taken from the book "Windows of the Soul" by Rabbi Zvi Miller of the Salant Foundation.