Chapter 37- Misconceptions About Staying Away
All responsible people agree that we must be careful with what we expose ourselves to. But ironically, the recent focus on this important concept has also caused devastating damage. We must be careful to avoid these ill effects.
First, repeated emphasis on staying away from things that enable us to sin sometimes causes a spike in desire. Talking frequently about the bad things people do with computers — especially with detailed description — causes innocent people to think about it when they see one. It can even reach a point that their desires activate each time they see the harmful objects. We have enough going on; we don’t need these thoughts.
In addition, when we make a big deal about something, we give ourselves a subtle message that it has significance, and we create resistance against fighting it. Thus, too much focus on shielding ourselves convinces us that lust is amazing and creates displeasure about fighting it. Even worse, overemphasis on not being exposed to temptation convinces people that they will surely fail if challenged, which leads to disaster. Thus, too much focus on staying away ironically might cause people to give in more often.
We must understand why we are being careful. People won’t want to avoid dangerous activities if they don’t know why. But we must not make it a frequent focus. We must take on a policy to steer clear of harmful material, and then keep to it without thinking about what these things cause. We should remember the potential dangers occasionally to stay sharp, but even then avoid getting worked up about it. And when we encounter desires, we must defuse them calmly, which will prevent them from growing.
Even without overemphasis, the increased focus on staying away has caused some harmful misconceptions. Attaining the right attitude is tricky, and some of what we hear is misleading. It is especially difficult to reconcile these ideas with other important hashkafos and use them in the right balance. It’s easy to misunderstand and misapply. We must clarify these concepts and debunk the myths to have the healthy attitude we need to succeed.