Resources for Wives of Strugglers
FEATURED TALKS: Download & Listen to these great recordings for couples and spouses that can give you a whole new perspective on what you are dealing with. A collection of articles, both educating and empowering you, is available, in addition to the artcile links found below in #4.
If you are married to someone who struggles with pornography or any other unhealthy sexually related behaviors, you have come to the right place. Besides for being able to help your husband, we also have an entire support network for spouses to help them deal with what they are going through. Our support network includes a special forum, a hotline, phone-conference groups and other helpful resources. So before you make any major decisions and throw your husband out to the dogs, please give us a chance to help. We have helped over a thousand frum Jews break free from the struggle/addiction to pornography and related behaviors, and we have also helped many spouses and saved marriages.
First of all, send your husband to us to get help! Have him watch the 8 minute video on the homepage of www.guardyoureyes.com to gain an understanding of all the tools he can use to get help for his issue (see more about helping your husband below, 7, 8 and 9).
For you personally, though, here is what we suggest:
1) GYE has a free and anonymous conference call at least twice a week for spouses, to help you get proper guidance and support for what you are going through. See the call-in number, times and more information here.
2) Join the GYE spouses Whatsapp group. Contact Malka to join at firstname.lastname@example.org.
3) GuardYourEyes has a special forum and chat-rooms for “Wives of addicts”. This place was created for you to post your questions, fears and experience, and share hope and chizuk with others that are in your situation (feel free to "vent" there as well). To gain access to all these helpful tools, sign up to our website here. Then leave a message at 646-600-8100 Ext.6 with your username so we can approve your account.
4) Spouses Hotline: For women who need professional advice and support on how to deal with the situation, we have a few options:
a) Malka leads a special GYE phone conference support group for Spouses of Addicts. See the times, call-in number and more information here. To speak with Malka directly, call her at 813-651-0201. If she is not available, leave a message. She will return your call.
b) Miriam, wife of an addict, life-coach and CODA mentor, is fluent in Hebrew and English and can support couples and individuals during and after the initial shock of discovering addiction or infidelity. Miriam’s Hotline: U.S number: 214-446-1828. Israel number: 054 6463718. E-mail: email@example.com. (To get to learn Miriam's approach, read her articles at this link).
c) Elya Katz and his wife Esther have helped save many marriages through GYE. (You can read here a story written by a woman who was helped by Esther). Elya is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Coach and is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. To speak with Elya, call our hotline, press Extension 2 for “Treatment” and then press 3 to be directed to his phone line. (Or call Esther direct: 901-219-3072). Elya and his wife can help you and your husband come to grips with the situation you find yourself in. (The initial call is free, but you may decide to engage Elya in long-term or short-term counseling). Elya’s e-mail is: firstname.lastname@example.org. See more info on Elya on this page. Esther’s e-mail is email@example.com
5) S-Anon 12-Step Groups: Just as there are SA (sexaholics anonymous) groups for those who struggle with higher levels of lust addiction, there are also S-Anon support groups for the spouses. These groups also work through a 12-Step program that is geared specifically towards helping spouses and family members deal with their relationship with the addict. If your husband is an addict, you can check out S-Anon on-line and look for a group in your area. If you are in Israel, contact firstname.lastname@example.org for information on the groups, or call 054-848-0793 to speak to an active member of S-Anon in Jerusalem.
6) Suggested reading for you, the spouse, to help give you some good perspective:
- A letter sent in to GYE recently by a wife.
- A great letter from a wife
- Another letter sent in to GYE about how a couple worked together to get past this.
- A must read! Here are some very powerful letters from an S-Anon woman to various Rabbanim, to help them understand the nature of addiction, co-dependency and the 12-Steps. Very enlightening!
- A story in the Mishpacha magazine (Lifelines) about a guy who became addicted, and how he and his wife were helped by GYE.
- Another story in the Mishpacha magazine (Lifelines) about a guy who became addicted, and how he and his wife were helped by GYE.
- A booklet called "Partner's Survival Guide" by www.themindfulhabit.com (click to download directly to your computer)
- As the spouse of a sex addict, what are my choices?
- Along similar lines to the article above, this helpful site provides help with staging an intervention.
- Letter written by a wife of an addict
- Letter to the wives of addicts from a member of GYE.
- What to do when you catch your husband
- A letter from Miriam, spouse of an addict and CODA life-coach, to other spouses
- A recovery story – by wife of an addict
- Story of an addict
- See here for some more advice (second half of page)
- An article on Aish for wives of addicts by Rebbetzin Feige Twerski.
- Even when all seems lost... (Rebbe Nachman)
- Two suggested books are "Sex and Love Addiction (SLAA) Anonymous" and (2) "Cybersex Unhooked". Both are available here.
8) Help Your Husband: Send him to us!
Thousands of religious men have fallen into these behaviors and many of them have received help and succeeded in breaking free. These behaviors are highly addictive and if a person is exposed to pornography even by accident, he can be pulled into a serious addiction (listen to this message from Dr./Rabbi Abraham Twerski).
In the last couple of years, the GYE network has helped roughly 1,000 Jews to break free. (Please read these two Haskamas from Rav Ahron Feldman & Rabbi/Dr. Abraham Twerski). The tools of our recovery program were developed with guidance from the best experts in the field, and through the personal experience of hundreds of Jews who successfully broke free. We use a unique approach that recognizes that there are many different levels in these struggles. Our network is comprised of a website, a forum, phone conferences, daily Chizuk e-mails, support hotlines, therapists, live 12-Step groups and a program of recovery for all levels of this struggle/addiction. All our work is free of charge and we zealously protect the complete anonymity of all our members. On our forum, charts, hotlines and phone conferences, only nicknames and non-revealing e-mail addresses are used.
Have your husband write anonymously to our help-line at email@example.com or suggest he call our hotline at 646-600-8100 and we will guide him into beginning recovery. If you need more general guidance, feel free to call or e-mail as well.
9) Download for your husband the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook" (Right click the link and choose "Save Target/Link As"). A hard-copy can be ordered online here. This handbook outlines the GYE approach and the many tools we offer in detail. Our network offers a solution for everyone who deals with these challenges and is interested in recovering.
10) If you suspect your husband yet feel unable to confront him directly, we can send him an anonymous e-mail (that looks like a chain e-mail) that will let him know about our network. Please write to firstname.lastname@example.org to request this service. He will find out about our network and realize that he is not alone and that there is a way out.
We are here for you,