Wednesday, 29 June 2016

Slippery Slope

by GYE (See all authors)

I got a sort of halacha question. I know and feel like I'm in serious danger of falling right now, and I want to know if it's allowed for me to "reward" myself by doing wasting seed with my wife. Like if I can go 6 months without falling, then can I in turn do something that is not mutar?
Thank you,

G.B.

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If it's forbidden by Halacha, then who are we to "allow" you anything?

But let's forget the Halacha for a minute. I would rather focus on the intent and motivation behind the question. If you consider doing something assur and lustful a "reward", it means you are not ready to surrender the lustful behaviors. You are simply "fighting" and "white-knuckling" this struggle. That's like trying to hold your breath, and it won't work for the long term. Instead, we need to learn how to let-go and surrender the right to lust for things that are not ours to Hashem. We need to change our whole attitude to this struggle. It's not about "If I hold out long enough, can I then give in?". Rather it's about understanding how we use lust as a drug and self-medicating behavior to try and regain control of our lives when we feel down, and in order to recover, we need to instead learn how to trust Hashem and give control of our life over to Him with a real Emunah so that we no longer feel a NEED to self-medicate.

I suggest you join our 12-Step phone conferences to learn more about the right attitude in this struggle. See this page for the call options: https://guardyoureyes.com/tools/calls. I would particularly suggest either Dov or Duvid Chaim's calls.

I know you are trying, but if we keep our old attitudes then it's only a matter of time till we fall back again.

Also, please read the Attitude Tips of the GYE Handbook.

Hatzlacha Raba!

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G.B Responds:

Thank you very much. I needed to hear that.