Sunday, 16 August 2020

The False Allure of Infidelity

Part 1/3 (to see other parts of the article, click on the pages at the bottom)

by Yaakov from GYE (See all authors)

The False Allure of Infidelity

A GYE User wrote:

I feel that I’ve been numbed by watching so much garbage to the concept of infidelity, which seems so thrilling etc. I'm very disturbed by this, because even if I can stop watching vids, the allure remains. I’m not dating yet, but I really want to try changing this mindset before marriage.


Dear user,

Shlomo Hamelech says in Mishlei (9 17): מַיִם גְּנוּבִים יִמְתָּקוּ וְלֶחֶם סְתָרִים יִנְעָם - "Stolen waters are sweet, and hidden bread is pleasing". Rav Avigdor Miller, ztz“l, explains the reason for the sweetness – because it’s not yours. When a glass of that glistening, sparkling water is handed to you and is honestly yours, suddenly the magic is gone and it’s quite tasteless. Much of the allur is simply because it is forbidden.

Having dealt with hundreds of people on GYE, I have seen that even men who married the most attractive woman of their dreams, still feel compelled by the insanity of lust to seek more and more "stolen waters" to fill the bottomless cup of the Yetzer Hara's cravings.

Rav Dessler says that the vast majority of lust is the desire to have that which is not ours. We tell ourselves, "If only I had it, I would be happy." Once we do have it, it is now under our belt and part of us and therefore not special anymore. If we truly understood this, we would not run after lust. By definition, one who runs after a married woman believes that if she were permitted to him, it would be truly heaven on earth.

In this 4 minute audio, Rabbi YY Jacobson gives us a real wake up call for these Fantasies!

For parts 2 and 3 of this article, click here.