Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Do you have the right God?

How can I still have falls after so many years of pain and humiliation?

Someone who has been in SA groups in the past yet is still experiencing frequent falls, posted some of his story and ends with the following:

How can I think this way after so many years of pain and humiliation? It seems that anyone else who has experienced the pain that I have would have decided that their way isn't working, but not me.

Dov Responds:

How? Maybe cuz you are an addict.

The program is not for people who can control themselves. It's not for people who can be taught to run their lives right. It's for lunatics like me who still desire to follow women on the highway cuz they are pretty even though I have a loving wife at home. Just cuz I feel a desire does not mean that all is lost. If you waste time worrying about how base or insane your desires or tendencies are, then I'd say you haven't yet figured out how broken you are. When I get such a desire or see myself wanting to take another turn around on the subway to get a better look at a lady there, I say to myself "there I go again!" and chuckle. I make a program call - not in desperation, but just to share with another person who understands exactly how pathetic this addict is.

And we are free! We do not need to follow the lady or to get a second, better look. I can ask Him to take it away.

If you have not developed that kind of talking and needing relationship with your G-d yet, then I'd ask what you were doing at meetings. There is nothing else but this in the program. #12 says that it's only and all about: a spiritual awakening. Getting yourself your own, real, useful G-d. If your G-d is not working for you yet, then either you don't have the right G-d yet, or you are not interested in using Him yet. If your present G-d lacks the power or desire to assist you, I'd suggest you've got the wrong god. If he has that, then I'd ask why you are not yet using Him.

To me, it all comes down to my G-d and my desire to use Him. When Lust was your god, how did you use it? I am dead serious here. The answer to that question is another indispensable tool for me (but as you already did the 2nd step, I assume you looked at that one already. But if you didn't, there is no time like the present).

You are not alone in any of the troubles you have. Stay in the game.