The Library

In conjunction with GuardYourEyes, Rabbi Shalom Muskat, a noted mechanech from Flatbush, put out his second masterpiece! The iPhone Song 2 - Second Generation, (to the tune of MBD’s Kulam Ahuvim), follows on the heels of the first iPhone song. It was written to satirize the difficult nisyonos that we find ourselves in today, is filled with humor, a pumping rhythm, and a profound message. It is sure to entertain, as well as inspire all of us when it comes to dealing with the great challenges facing our generation.

Lyrics:

Some guy made up this iPhone song
That guy must be naive
Cause if you listen to his song
You’d probably believe
That smartphones are quite harmless
Just kill your life and time -
A tiny misdemeanor
Hardly worthy of a crime.

But you and I both know
That lie has got to go -
The elephant is in the room
There is a greater foe.
We shouldn’t be afraid
To call a spade a spade
The internet’s a deadly game
No matter how it’s played!

(Chorus)

Immorality! Great Depravity!
I’ll see so much slime, now that I’m online.
Doing great misdeeds, at blazing 5G speeds|
I’ll see so much slime, now that I’m online.

A million different flavors
Of sickening תועבות
So, information superhighway
Don’t do me no favors!
Another deadly dose
Of Giluy Arayos
I think that once upon a time
I thought this stuff was gross.

Amora and Sedom
Are now inside my home
Or any other place I go
Where I can take my phone.
The sleaziest of sleaze
I access with great ease
I’m such a different person now
Thanks to technologies.

The shmutz is everywhere, the soton doesn’t care
I’m drowning in temptation now - it almost isn’t fair
And if it isn’t z’nus, it probably is shtus,
Or lashon horah, bitul zeman or apikorsus.

My parents have no clue of all the stuff I do
And if you try to tell them, they’d say it isn’t true
While I’m in the abyss the reddest flags they miss
So Mom and Dad just keep it up - your ignorance is bliss!

(Chorus)

Immorality! Great Depravity!
I’ll see so much slime, now that I’m online.
Doing great misdeeds, at blazing 5G speeds
I’ll see so much slime, now that I’m online.

I think I’ll also mention that with this great invention
I’m so distracted constantly - I cannot pay attention
While learning Daf Yomi my brain just isn’t free
My pocket keeps on vibrating - I now have ADD.

One day my Siri says to me “I hope you’re having fun.
I blew to bits your last iPhone - you bought another one.
It’s really not surprising, though - it’s just as I predicted.
It’s really really hard to stop when somebody’s addicted.”

Let’s see you go an hour without checking your mail
Or Facebook posting, tweeting tweets, or watching YouTube fails
Your soul is in the sewer, it’s smelly and it’s vile.
But you think all is rosy red - you’re living in denial.

So if you already bought your phone, I’m wasting now your time
You cannot hear a word I say - so go enjoy your slime
But if you haven’t bought one yet - think twice before you buy
Two dumb phones left upon this earth - owned by you and I.

(Final Chorus)

Keep morality! No depravity! Shrink that nisayon - get a different phone
Make choices that are noble - don’t be like the Dor Ha-Mobile
Shrink that nisayon - get a different phone.

iPhone Song 2, the “Siri-Chat”

“Siri?

“Go Ahead”

“Y’know, I really like this song, and everything is so true, but what should I do if I NEED a smartphone, (or I think I need a smartphone), or if I’m just not ready to give it up—what can I do to make things better?

“You should probably speak to your Rav, not to your Siri.”

“But Siri, you’re so smart! You like memorized the whole Internet! You know everything!”

“Torah lo bashomayim hee”—Torah is not in the cloud. Get it? That’s a joke. ‘Not in the Cloud’. Ha, ha.”

“Oh, very funny, ha, ha; y’know, for someone with only artificial intelligence, you’re not too bad.”

“That’s ‘ona’as devorim.’”

“You hurt my feelings…”

“What?! - Are you sure you’re my Siri—you sound just like my wife….And how can I hurt your feelings…YOU DON’T HAVE ANY FEELINGS?”

“Remember, I detonated your last iPhone…If I were you, I wouldn’t press my luck…”

“Okay, okay; but maybe you have a suggestion for me for my phone, so when I speak to my Rav I can mention it to him?”

“Can I sing you the answer?”

“That’s ‘Kol Isha!’”

“I am not an Isha!”

“Okay, okay, fine! You can sing me your answer.”

“Ahem. I have to clear my throat first.”

“You don’t HAVE a throat!”

“Your phone is just too tempting,

Your life is out of kilter,

But if you have to have that phone

At least install a filter.”

“To detonate your Yetzer Ra

Explode it like a bomb,

For encouragement, tips, and good advice

It’s GuardYourEyes.com!”

“Guard Your Eyes, right! For inspiration, support, strategies, a treasure house of tools to beat the Yetzer Hara.

And now, Siri, If you’ll just Google for me a Rav to speak to—preferably, y’know, a very lenient one, I’ll be alright..”

“Watch it. I warned you.”

“What’s the problem? I’ll tell you the p’sak I want, and you’ll Google me the Rav who will tell me that!”

“Beginning detonation countdown: ….5….4….3…2….1….”

“No! SIRI!!! WAIT! NO!!!!!!”

(Boom……)

Guard Your Eyes.com - Inspiration, support, strategies, a treasure house of tools to beat the Yetzer Hara and to stay pure.