Monday, 23 November 2015

Response to a Wife's Letter

In Chizuk Email #1370, we published a letter to a husband, who preferred porn to his wife. Our readers reacted.

by laasos ulkayem (See all authors)

The article you brought from The Guardian was powerful. I tried to identify for myself what it was about this particular article that spoke to me.

I think it's the sense of futility that comes through from the eyes of an outsider. The addict himself is blind to the realities of the trade-off he made, so seeing the truth is like the shock of ice cold water. You feel deep inside the deep sense of chaval, what a waste of a life, of a family lost in exchange for nothing.

The ugly truth that most people don't want to hear is, that even if we don't c"v lose our marriages, a lust addiction can have the same effect of taking a beautiful pure relationship and throwing it away for the sake of a cheap tawdry succession of diminishing thrills. This effect is not limited to the spousal relationship; it eats away at your ability to be a good father, friend, son, brother and eved Hashem. You get so wrapped up in yourself and have no room left for anyone else.

I think it's the clarity that is only possible when viewed by an outsider that makes it even more primal; even more so than reading the first hand accounts of CEO's landing in jail, losing their wives and children etc.

Thank you for the article, and thank you for helping me stay clean.