Moving Forward - One Day at a Time
It's interesting to note, that although there were four people who never sinned; Binyamin, Amram, Yishai, and Kilav (son of Dovid HaMelech), only Yosef is called a Tzaddik - Yosef Hatzadik. Why? Because he was tempted and withstood the temptation. In my opinion, every member on this forum can add "Tzaddik" after their names.
Let us focus on how many times we are successful in overcoming our temptations. I was told by a Mashgiach once (who quoted Rabainu Yona) that I should not beat myself up for my past. Doing that is like going on a journey with a knapsack full of rocks; your progress is sure to be slow and painful! However if we put the rocks down, we can start to move forward with ease. I know that if I keep looking back at my past and beating myself up over it, I am never going to get recovery.
Recovery is within your reach, if you really work hard for it. Read through the GYE Handbook and find the solution that works for you. If you think you are successful today in your marriage / kollel life, you will be amazed by how much more you can achieve without the constant craving for masturbation. One of the biggest blessings I have had in recovery is the physical removal of the cravings. The cravings were the worst part of the addiction, they were constantly driving me to distraction. I am now slowly recovering from a relapse, and I can feel that - one day at a time - the cravings are subsiding again.
Try not to concentrate on getting clean for the rest of your life, it won't work. Make a daily commitment to stay clean. And if 24 hours is too long (for me it is), make a commitment for a morning, for an hour, whatever you feel is within your reach, and do whatever it takes to stay clean for that time.
I know a fellow with over 20 years clean-time and he was in the depths of this addiction. He told me that he makes a daily commitment to Hashem that he will stay clean and sober for 24 hours even if his tuches falls off!
And me too, I commit to staying clean and sober today no matter what.
Keep posting on this forum.
"It works if you work it".
Keep coming back,