Hashem is ALWAYS at the window
I came across some great chizuk that "Mevakesh Hashem" posted on our forum to someone who is just starting out on their journey and is having a hard time:
When the Yetzer Hara realizes that you are ready for real to give up the evil addiction, that's when he tightens the screws and convinces you with all sorts of rationalizations that you "simply cannot" give it up. He makes you feel helpless and as if you are a slave to your addiction.
Don't let him win you over again!!
Think about it objectively. Try looking at yourself from an outsider's perspective.
Imagine you were peeking in the window of your room and watching yourself!
What do you see?
You see an otherwise intelligent, caring, mature man sitting staring at a screen at images that aren't even real, and were produced by the lowest people alive today.
You see people on the screen doing disgusting things that if your wife would do, you would never respect her ever again, and perhaps even divorce her.
You see yourself getting aroused by this garbage. You see yourself doing things to yourself that will cause you endless pain and suffering in the next world.
You see yourself spilling seed in vain, and creating countless angels of wrath that will haunt you for all eternity.
You see yourself having "imagined pleasure" for 30 seconds, followed by "real guilt" for a lot longer afterwards.
It's pretty horrible and despicable, don't you agree?
But it gets worse...
Instead of you at the window watching yourself, it was your wife watching this whole horrible scene unfolding.....or your Rebbe...or your best friend....or your children (G-d forbid).....
You would do anything in the world to undo the fact that these loved ones ever saw you in such a state of evil weakness, and wish you never ever had done it even once!!
The shame of that happening would be unbearable.....
Well, hopefully your loved ones never saw you in a state of masturbation, and hopefully you will never do it again....
BUT....remember....Hashem is ALWAYS at the window (It says about Hashem that he is a "Mashgiach Min Hachalonos"). He saw everything you did. He sees you now. He will see you if you ever do such a vile thing again!
The shame of Hashem seeing you like this, is the most unbearable shame imaginable. The judgement for living in sin like this is indescribable.....
But, Hashem also loves you (more than any of your "loved ones") and has brought you here to this website, amongst people who have struggled with the same issues as you. Hashem is telling you that he is willing to forgive the past, if you repent, and willing to give you the strength to overcome in the future, if you really want to!
THE YETZER HARA WILL DO EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO MAKE IT ALL SEEM OK. HE WILL MAKE THE GIRLS ON THE SCREEN SEEM REAL AND PLEASURABLE. HE WILL MAKE THE FEELING OF MASTURBATION FEEL LIKE THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD. HE WILL MAKE IT SEEM AS IF YOU ARE ALONE IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR ROOM. HE WILL MAKE IT SEEM AS IF YOU WERE BORN WITH THIS INADEQUACY AND HASHEM UNDERSTANDS THAT AS A HUMAN YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO MASTURBATE.
DO NOT LISTEN TO THE YETZER HARA!!! HE HAS ONLY ONE THING IN MIND: BRINGING YOU DOWN FOR ETERNITY!
ONLY HASHEM HAS YOUR BEST INTERESTS IN MIND, AND WANTS YOU TO RUN BACK TO HIM FAST!!!