Gift of clarity
"Jack" posted on the forum to someone who is struggling with certain times of the week that he feels very vulnerable to falling:
Get a sponsor who you can call anytime and call him when you feel the urge coming on. Put your head between your knees and brace yourself. Bite into a sponge, go into a room where no one will hear you and scream your head off. Hit your bed with a tennis racket. Take a hammer and bang nails into some wood. I assure you, the urge will pass.
Even better, meditate. Slow down your thinking, concentrate on your breath. The urge will pass.
But yes, it will be back.
Do one, or all, of these things every time you have the urge. I am extremely serious. Call up your sponsor, first tell him you don't hate him, and then scream at him! You have to get rid of the urge somehow in a permissible manner. I used to get rid of it by masturbating, then I found the forum, and with it, I found a dedicated sponsor, Elya K. I wonder if his ear still works after all the things I've said to him...
Seriously, try these things.
I went around for 25 years thinking that I have a problem with self control. It was only recently that I realized that my self control is actually way above average. (When you're always fighting the addiction/drive, your self control gets a whole lot of exercise!) The problem is not at all with your self control, the problem is with the power of the addiction. And the only solution is to fight it consistently and completely. Behavior patterns and thought patterns cannot be changed suddenly. It takes thought, diligence and never giving up. It also takes a lot of Siyata Dishmaya, so be sure to daven as much as you can.
Thank you, everyone. Last night I went to three shiurim. Reb Zvi Meir Zilberberg, a Shovavim shiur and then another chumash shiur. You guys make me feel like I'm not alone. This is crucial. Last night I had a gift of clarity while walking with a friend. The past was not there and we were just in the moment. This is a rarity for me. May we all go higher and higher everyday.