Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Focusing on Living Right

by Ahron (See all authors)

I can relate to every subtle point in both Duvid Chaim's and Dov's responses. They really "get it". Since I think I do too, I'm really part of this family - whether I go to SA meetings or not. I've become aware of the slightest spark in my internal lust sensor. That awareness is how I apply Duvid Chaim's lessons in "becoming aware of our perceptions and motivations". And Dov's points too, are right on target, as usual. We need nothing but our minds to act out. The ONLY solution is not to lose spiritual connectivity: Keep that car in shape. For me, it's working but it's slow going...

This morning I was thinking about "once an addict, always an addict". Although I believe it to be true in the sense that lust is poison and an addict cannot drink "a little" and "responsibly", I also think that ideally, at some point, an addict does not have to think about the addiction every day, even in the context of making sure not to drink. No matter what the angle is, the more you think about lust the worse off you are. Rather, the focus should be on living right - all day, every day. The more you do that, the more you reduce your sensitivity to lust.

I have to live right and gradually reduce my sensitivity to triggers. It takes a long time, but when I compare where I am today to where I was... I've made a lot of progress (to Hashem's credit, not mine).

I noticed too that my feelings about davening and learning have become genuine! I used to "miss" Minchah a lot. Of course it was "unavoidable" because I was in the middle of a meeting, etc, etc. And when I did go, it was a chore. However now, even if I don't have a lot of kavanah while davening, I am truly happy to go. I look forward to it. I did not set any goals, yet I found that I almost never miss it these days.

It's very slow going - but today I'm a happy man. The pain is not fully gone, but there you have it. Life's work goes on...