The Library

What are the halachic guidelines when it comes to thoughts during sex? Is there any way for me to rewire my brain and stop this? I feel helpless. Thank you so much. 

Many people tell me that I am not an addict. After all, has my addictive behaviors caused terrible harm and consequences? Have I lost my whole family?  Have I contracted AIDS? Have I given someone else a sexually transmitted disease?

Kayla (pseudonym) was referred to me a number of years ago, by her caring Rebbetzen and mentor, for what she described as a “very sensitive, urgent problem, of a sexual nature.” The following week, the poised, pleasant, 20-year-old young woman showed up for intake and des...

A Spouse wrote: I am plagued by the thought that this is my fault because I gained weight. I know my husband wanted a slim person only and cares about my weight. As a bachur, he had this problem, which he thought would go away when he got married. He told me it did help b...

Dear Dov, A woman wrote to us admitting that she did terrible things, lied a lot, and ruined her life as a result. Her children were taken away from her, she is on parole, etc... She is devastated, feels hopeless, and is racked by guilt. Dov Responds: Hashem loved her ...

Miri writes: Hi. Your organization seems to be wonderful and helpful to many people. Hashem should pay you all back thousand-fold!!! I am not sure if you can help me with this but I'm a bit stuck and not sure where to turn right now. I had a sexual experience when I was...

Dov Responds: One of the safer places for a female sexaholic is a sexaholics meeting because the men there are known entities - they are all essentially wearing a sign over their heads that says to the female member, "Hi. I'm a womanizer/stalker/worshiper of people like y...

“Do thoughts about other boys/crushes disappear when you are married?” More than one boy-crazy girl has asked me this question. In other words, “Will marriage cure my boy-craziness?” Since I’ve been asked similar versions of this question more than once now, I thought I’d...

GYE Responds: First of all, there's no such thing as a disgusting being. Hashem doesn't make junk. He has a plan for you, and it's better than you can imagine! The feelings you express are very common for addicts, and I feel your pain and confusion. A few points c...

A Woman asked: After being married for 2 years, I found gay hookup apps on my husband's phone. This was tremendously shocking and heartbreaking. We are dealing with it well but I feel totally tricked (into marriage) and betrayed. Also, my brother had known this whole time...

Dear Scared! Let me first commend your level-headedness, a quality that is exceedingly rare when it comes to relationships. You obviously have your head screwed on right and you are walking into this with your eyes wide open. So often people enter or avoid relationships...

Question from a woman: I once heard that shmiras einayim isn't as serious for women as is for men. Sometimes I'll stop myself from looking at something for my future children. But I'm not as makbid with not looking at certain sites or certain types of movies as I was be...

There are three things to consider: 1) First of all, from a spiritual perspective, no Jewish person wants to live in the mud. Your soul is crying inside you, begging you to remember why you came down to this world for this short life-time that will affect your ETERNIT...

Confiding and sharing your struggles is very important, but the people you share with should be “safe”. Experience shows that the people who can help you the most are those who have been there themselves. On GuardYourEyes you can connect to a whole community of brave st...

"It's hard because I sit in the office all day in front of the computer". "It's hard because my wife is assur to me now" "It's hard because the women out there dress like that!" "It's hard because I am sometimes so lonely... tired... hungry... anxious.... I feel so vulne...

Our addiction makes us blind to potential pitfalls. If you search deep inside you, you will see that you are justifying something that you KNOW is bad for you and dangerous. What we feel is "good for us" and makes us feel "warm and secure" is the very thing that will ki...

It doesn't really matter how long you can stay clean for. The question is, why do you keep doing it if you don't want to? This is an indication that you may have some level of addiction. Now there are many levels of addiction, and some of the lighter tools on GYE can help...

The short answer is, it is indeed likely that the abuse you underwent is connected to your current addiction. See this article for more WHY. But here is a longer thought for victims of molestation, both male and femlae: Nobody deserves to be abused, especially by people...