Thursday, 09 February 2012

Lost my Internet for the night

"LevBasar" joined us a few days ago on the forum, writing that he had fallen so low that he didn't believe he could ever get back up. After getting lots of great Chizuk on his thread, he began his journey to Teshuvah. Today he wrote about something that happened to him only one day into his journey:

by Lev Basar (See all authors)

I am doing pretty well and got to see first hand some of the hashgacha pratis that I have read about on this site. It happened two days ago. I was pretty low and it was late and I found myself typing out an all-too familiar web address. I told myself that I didn't really want to, and it is true that I didn't feel nearly as much excitement or as willing as I used to, but I was acting out of habit more than real desire. Anyway, I was just about to click on the link to enter the site and the screen disappeared - and I lost all internet for the rest of the night.

It was an amazing feeling of relief that even as I was about to turn my back on all my good intentions, Hashem was watching and pulled the poison away from me. It made me realize that it is not just me against the Yetzer Hara, but that HKB"H is helping me become what I am supposed to be.

With love to all you Holy warriors.