sytv2002 wrote on 25 May 2025 19:34:
Coming on again today for accountability and stam to vent. I’m so sad. And angry with myself. My phone was left unfiltered today by accident and I could have gotten it blocked again, but I didn’t. The YH convinced me I was strong enough and it wasn’t urgent. But it was. I should’ve had known. My porn clean streak is over. I’ve had this challenge before, where I’ve had easy access to the depths of the internet, and I resisted and had my phone restrictions put back on. I just couldn’t do it this time. I could have. But I didn’t. I don’t know. I should have for sure. I regret not having it done. Maybe it’s because I never really felt good about myself for re restricting before. So now I kinda told myself it’s whatever. But now it stings. All this because I wanted to give tzedakah and I couldn’t without unblocking my phone for a few minutes. And then it glitches and doesn’t re restrict even though it was set to that setting. It was so clear and obvious a challenge from Hashem, and I failed miserably. And of course now I feel like my shidduch would have came if I resisted, and now that I fell, it won’t. At least not for a while.
If you’re still reading, on a scale of 1-10. How crazy do I sound?
I think many of us have been there again and again and again. I think there's a special kind of low frustration tolerance that's associated with this struggle.
. It’s great to hear you!
