I've been involved with P, M and everything else you can think of. I started this at 12, and now I'm 24. I've tried many many things to stop for over 10 years, and nothing has worked.
I recently realized something massive in my life. I am an addict. I've never thought about it or looked at myself like that. but I've probably been an addict since a few months after doing all this stuff at the age of 12.
Why is this so important to me? well, this has changed my approach to dealing with this. I thought about an alcoholic and imagined, what if an alcoholic walked around with alcohol in his pocket, hand, or even had some in his bedroom. What are the chances he will fall?? I would think 1000%. There's no way an addict will have a drug in his hand and not consume it, if not today then tomorrow.
I've taken the same approach. I've looked into the mirror and acknowledged and said out loud that I am an addict. Every time I fall, I cut that item that made me fall out of my life completely. No matter the cost or the inconvenience. I'm an addict and I can't have the drug in my hand to win. I need it out of my life.
This is the first time in my life I feel free even though I still fall, I attack the fall, whatever the trigger is and I completely obliterate it. I destroy the battle for the future, so it never comes back to attack me in that way ever again.
I encourage you all to try this. every time you fall, ask yourself, what has caused me to fall? if it was a certain website, pic, magazine, your phone, the whole internet, completely block it and destroy it in a way that it is never accessible again, no matter the cost or inconvenience. As you continue your journey, you will realize that your battle will be much more tolerable because you don't have the drug in your hand.
I'm at a point in my life where my eyes are getting cleaned by removing any physical tests that come into my life. My challenge now is to clean my head. Even though the physical things have been destroyed and removed from my existence, I still can pull up images and memories of inappropriate things in my mind. I started dealing with this by keeping myself busy, whenever a thought comes to mind.
I'm so happy that I've implemented this in my life. This is the first time I feel happy, confident, stress free, and not depressed since I've started with my addiction at the age of 12. I feel as happy as I was when I was a little boy!!!! I don't care about any of the inconvenience this has caused by blocking almost every website app or anything else that has caused me to fall in even the smallest way. Being sober is my goal and I will pay any price to be free!!!!
I hope this helps! Good luck to all! And may GD be with you!
congratulations on finding something that works for you and for taking the time to share all of this.
How long have you been clean using this method?
What if someone is triggered by things they cannot obliterate?
I went to SA meetin's for over a year.
I went thru the white book, big book and step into action books over and over again - on the phone with many participants.
I went to a sex therapist.
I spoke to real live people - the kind where you can actually see them, touch them, etc.
T'wasn't easy - was a hell of a lot of fun though.
Welcome, that's great to hear - lots of courage and strength to make that assertion and to act upon it.
Wishin' you continued success.
I am much older than you and I realized later in life that I am an addict. I don't know if you are or aren't, but i can tell you that for me, no matter what I physically removed from my ability to act out - that was never enough. Until I worked a serious program that made a positive affect on my insides and my bein'.
I've been involved with P, M and everything else you can think of. I started this at 12, and now I'm 24. I've tried many many things to stop for over 10 years, and nothing has worked.
I recently realized something massive in my life. I am an addict. I've never thought about it or looked at myself like that. but I've probably been an addict since a few months after doing all this stuff at the age of 12.
Why is this so important to me? well, this has changed my approach to dealing with this. I thought about an alcoholic and imagined, what if an alcoholic walked around with alcohol in his pocket, hand, or even had some in his bedroom. What are the chances he will fall?? I would think 1000%. There's no way an addict will have a drug in his hand and not consume it, if not today then tomorrow.
I've taken the same approach. I've looked into the mirror and acknowledged and said out loud that I am an addict. Every time I fall, I cut that item that made me fall out of my life completely. No matter the cost or the inconvenience. I'm an addict and I can't have the drug in my hand to win. I need it out of my life.
This is the first time in my life I feel free even though I still fall, I attack the fall, whatever the trigger is and I completely obliterate it. I destroy the battle for the future, so it never comes back to attack me in that way ever again.
I encourage you all to try this. every time you fall, ask yourself, what has caused me to fall? if it was a certain website, pic, magazine, your phone, the whole internet, completely block it and destroy it in a way that it is never accessible again, no matter the cost or inconvenience. As you continue your journey, you will realize that your battle will be much more tolerable because you don't have the drug in your hand.
I'm at a point in my life where my eyes are getting cleaned by removing any physical tests that come into my life. My challenge now is to clean my head. Even though the physical things have been destroyed and removed from my existence, I still can pull up images and memories of inappropriate things in my mind. I started dealing with this by keeping myself busy, whenever a thought comes to mind.
I'm so happy that I've implemented this in my life. This is the first time I feel happy, confident, stress free, and not depressed since I've started with my addiction at the age of 12. I feel as happy as I was when I was a little boy!!!! I don't care about any of the inconvenience this has caused by blocking almost every website app or anything else that has caused me to fall in even the smallest way. Being sober is my goal and I will pay any price to be free!!!!
I hope this helps! Good luck to all! And may GD be with you!
I was on this website years ago when I was still struggling with P&M in a bigger way...b''h I haven't had a conscious fall in quite a while [~4-5 years, lost track] by the standard of the wall back then. But I still have some addictive patterns. I play games online, I compulsively read social media [without naming the site] that puts inappropriate content in close reach even if I haven't reached for it. Plus often enough without seeking it I see things I shouldn't be seeing. What doesn't help is that I live right now in a context where the computer I use isn't mine to get rid of, put filters on, etc. Really I should find a way to move out of this place (based on what I've heard that living with such a device is yehareg v'al yaavor). Meanwhile I've tried several times to stop doing the things I feel guilty about doing and haven't managed to stop, so here I am again. With P&M I had to fall and get back up quite a few times, so it's not like I'm surprised.
Anyhow the Flight to Freedom thing is new so I'm going through that. The simple advice at the beginning, that it makes sense to be angry when something's compelling me into places I don't want to go, strikes a chord.
Wishing joy and great success to everyone in their journey.
Hi, I have been member of GYE for many years now. At the beginning I was very active (logging every day), chatting, reading the forum, trying the tools. It worked for me. I started getting sober. I started understanding. I even reach 90 days. but after that, I started again with P&M like before. Then I discovered SA. I was active at the beginning. I thought I found the door to freedom from this insanity. Went to meetings (in person and zoom), made phone calls, was connected, was doing readings and all kind of inventory. At the beginning, it worked for me. I was getting some sense of sobriety, I was being honest and I was making real connections but then with time I went back to my usual me, my acting out. I do not run from the urge, I embrace it and each time I think to myself, I failed again. I like acting out, I cannot lie. I do not have painful consequences from it. Some tell me that until I have painful consequences, I will not stop. Other tells me that I need to make disclosure and destroy my life in order to have a chance to rebuild it, some tells me to go see a therapist...Every story is different and I am honestly lost. I acted out most of my life, always with myself and fantasies. I would like to change but I seems glued to my old habit, my old me. Lust is my best friend, my confident. It knows all my secrets. I know that I am the problem. I know that in order to get better, I have to change myself but I tried over and over again. I am praying to Hashem, I am making strategies, using tools and program, I am reaching to sponsors and friends but when the urge comes, everything goes out the window. "Just let me have it!" is the only thought that come to my mind. No good resolution, no good intentions seem to survive my urges. A part of me loves acting and the other part hates it. And one is much stronger than the other, much more powerful. Some tells me to stay from lust just for one and it sounds good and easy but the truth is that when it comes, my good intentions do not mean anything. I wish I could see progress, I wish I could say that I grew but I don't think I did. I learn much about this addiction, this disease, about its powerful mechanisms, how it affects the brain, about its real consequences, how it can destroy lives and hurt people...but unfortunately knowledge is not action. I know a lot but I keep acting out. I met along the road many friends, brave people that tried to help me, that were fighting too but sometimes I have the feeling that I am the only one that does not learn and I stay behind...If you have any suggestion, please let me know. I am really desperate. I think I was born with this challenge. Hashem is the only one who can help me and give me freedom from this but until now, my spiritual connection is probably way to weak and when the urge comes. I forget everything and goes along with it, like a puppet So I decided to come back to GYE after being away for several years. This is the place when I once had some hope, when I saw tiny burst of light...GYE will not cure me. I will always be me. But maybe I can change, change from the inside...Start a new cycle where I can find help and somewhat change my way of thinking and my behaviors. Thank you for letting me share.
Hi,
I read in a book about alcoholics anonymous that an important part of recovery and staying clean from addiction is to help others, so it would seem to be a good thing to do. At the same time, you have to know yourself and try to be as honest as possible, if it will lead to triggering situations then it is not K'dai. You could also try and feel out a thread and pick a few popular ones that you follow and comment on.
Good Luck! We're all rooting for you!
I'm happy to share it with anyone who likes it. However I have noticed a dramatic shift and rewiring of my brain from old ADHD habits to learning to be patient with myself and overcome old destructive patterns. I am happy to share more if anyone would like about this journey to self-acceptance and learning to be more compassionate with myself while overcoming this complicated addiction.
I have learned much about trauma male depression and would happily support anyone. I have found that it isn't until we are ready to heal from these areas that we can truly heal from our addictive habits. I am a licensed mental health professional, and this is an area that I have learned to become very comfortable helping my clients with. I will post readings that have supported me and others on this journey.
Hi my heart goes out to you yes regarding actors i know exactly what you mean but what are you thinking about sleeping with them? Why would you want to sleep with someone who has been with so many men? Remember the reason why they are interacting is because of business its no way a real relationship. It's fake you are interacting with that person to fulfil one thing... LUST. You should know sex in real life is nothing like what you see in those videos its a different experiance entirely. Regrettably the internet has fuelled a generation which view women as 'play things' and guess what this addiction doesnt get better it only gets worse unless you work on it.
Porn did not gross me out ... i was enjoying it way too much so i iunderstand where your coming from but after a clean period you do actually regret all the watching and all the mzl because in the end it was a form of escape from the real world, magical, curiousity, release anger but ultimately it broke off my relationship with HaShem by not keeping to the covenant of Avraham Aveinu.
Maybe find out how many actresses commit suicide? Or on drugs? How are they abused? They are someone daughter or grandaughter! How do their family feel about what they are doing???
This is not the Jewish world! The sin of zenus with the daughters of moab? Why this sin? Because its powerful!!! Soo powerful that they would serve avodah zara afterwards.
The choice is yours do you want a relationship with a girl who in it for money/business. Or do you want a relationship with Aveinu Shabashamayim. And NO just because we keep shabbos and kashrus and lets say learn a few hours a day ... doesn't cancel this huge sin shmiras habris is way way up there... what do you think we have a bris? Because its the biggest physical pleasure but even that we have to guard and it's not enough just having a bris.... we need to GUARD it as well.
Its up to you.. ok so your honest with yourself thats the first step ... now what are you going to do? Are you going to give in or make a stand? Remember the one thing in life which we can't pause is TIME and if you commit to 90 days and 'there is a fall' dont worry... you simply get up again until you bezrat HaShem succeed.
Be strong and much hatzlacha!!
Wow wow, I like the way you explained it so clear a eye opener even though I knew everything before
b''h clean for tow days.
I am thinking to myself that the reason its so hard for me to stand up from a fall is because i expect from myself that "I" should do this.
instead i need to give it all over to hashem like the SA chevra do. ( although i still think that i am not an addict, and in fact this is mostly in my control, but the baggage of putting this all on myself is having a negative effect on me.)
And I am back...
So, it has been a while since my last post and a lot has happened in my life. Not sure how much I am going to get into it only that I am still struggling with Porn and masturbation. After all my loneliness I finally got married this past year. I thought that would help with my addiction but sadly it has not [not shocking though...]. The lust for porn and masturbation are very different desires than marriage relations, and the lust for P & M remains strong even after marriage. [Though the desire for anything outside of P & M has seemed to fade guess that was too new to stick B'h.] There is something very pleasurable and relaxing about P & M, especially as that has been my defense mechanism for stress for so long. [Yes I can recognize my own patterns]. So what brings me back here what do I hope to gain? Honestly, I am not sure. I have tried so many times to quit why try again, why will this time be different? Yet I guess deep down I am a hopeless romantic [which worked for the marriage thing...shockingly] so I guess I am here to try again. Is there a plan? No, not really, I figure to start trying to post when I am bored and feel urges. Try using this forum as a way to release stress. [Hope I am not too obnoxious, though at the rate of one post per year not sure it will be that bad] Great plan? No, but it's something...right?
Porn and Masturbation have been a big part of my life and have gotten me through some really hard times. It will be really hard to say goodbye to these old Frenemies. Through all the painful years they have always been there to help me through, always there to pick me up or distract me from the pain. But, now it may be time to say goodbye. I have waited for too long and always gave myself some excuse. I have nothing. But as I sit here I have so much and so much to be thankful for. Hashem has given me so much and given me other ways to cope so it's time to set aside these coping mechanisms despite it being so difficult.
But why give them up if they have been so great?
I don't have a full answer to this question. I think I have decided to give them up because they don't benefit me. Yes, they feel good at the moment, but they distract from the real good in my life. Whether taking time from my wife, work, learning, or sleep the addiction has become intrusive. I used to have more of a need to waste time now I don't have that luxury. I have also noticed how my using affects my relationship with my wife, how I act towards her, and don't give her as much attention as she deserves. Lastly, I know it's wrong and not what Hashem wants from me. He has given me so much good and while there is no repaying Hashem it's kind of obnoxious to use all the good he has given me to disobey him.
Ok, so I have a reason to give up the P & M and plan [sorta] what can go wrong. Welcome to my journey, stick around for the next installment maybe it will be sooner than a year.
Sounds like something in The easy Way to stop smoking. The pleasure of the cigarette is just taking a break from the pain of the lack between smoking.
He gives a mashal. Someone who is size 40 shoes, wear size 36 and walk around for 5 hours. Take off the shoes for 10 minutes. Awesome pleasure?? Sort of, but really all you're doing is putting yourself in pain the rest of the day. The pleasure is what a regular, nonsmoker can feel all day..
I've actually been on this ride for a while. Reading the easy peasy method played a role in helping me get on the coveted Wall Of Honor for a short while.
As long as I had my head stuck up my rear in, in terms of what might be causing me to want to watch porn, it worked. But at some point, I started feeling that it was an oversimplification - at least in my case. It might be true for others and be more of a longer-term fix for them. Yachol Lihiyot.
Reb Joey just points out that, for the addict, a "normal state" can be unbearable, so they need what others would call a "high" to be okay. That's all.
Allan Carr uses this point to say, just stop going for the high and get used to the normal state. I don't think he addresses deeper underlying reasons why a person might seek out the high. Is it to escape from pain? Anxiety? Some other concoction of inner ailments? In many cases, as long as the inner environment isn't taken care of, there's no getting used to "normal".
Someone told me once upon a time thrill seekers live empty lives because they just run from one high to the next and as such are never happy because they have no boundaries.
From Rabbi Joey Rosenfeld:
Addicts do not crave drugs because they enjoy the high, they are always already in a state of perpetual craving. The high simply interrupts the ceaseless desire for a moment. When the drug wears off, the craving returns.
So I decided to come back to GYE after being away for several years. This is the place when I once had some hope, when I saw tiny burst of light...GYE will not cure me. I will always be me. But maybe I can change, change from the inside...Start a new cycle where I can find help and somewhat change my way of thinking and my behaviors. Thank you for letting me share.