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24 May 2018 15:42

GratefulTzvi

Addiction is a beast with many faces and has many ways it can attack you in recovery. No matter if you are newly sober or have substantial clean time under your belt, you are well aware that addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful.

Recovery requires a multi-faceted and versatile treatment approach. While treatment and support groups are important in the recovery process, the development of a strong spiritual base is an important component in the well-oiled recovery machine.  According to many, addiction is a spiritual malady, requiring a spiritual solution. Spirituality is indeed a vital element to recovery...it is also a component that many in recovery struggle with on a regular basis.  Many addicts who desire to be clean and sober struggle with the concept of spirituality. In order to get over the hump, it is important to really understand the true meaning of spirituality. The Center for Spirituality and Healing at the University of Minnesota offers us the following simple definition:

"Spirituality is a broad concept with room for many perspectives. In general, it includes a sense of connection to something bigger than ourselves, and it typically involves a search for meaning in life...Some may find that their spiritual life is intricately linked to their association with a church, temple, mosque, or synagogue. Others may pray or find comfort in a personal relationship with God or a higher power. Still others seek meaning through their connections to nature or art. Like your sense of purpose, your personal definition of spirituality may change throughout your life, adapting to your own experiences and relationships"

The main point to drive home is that you need to get out of your own ego and look at the bigger picture with a perspective that is outside of yourself. If that concept means God or nature or art or philosophy, go for it. As you grow in your sobriety, your spiritual practice and beliefs will also grow and incorporate new and wonderful things...and that is its beauty.

So how can we increase our spirituality?

1. Learn to Laugh and Stay Positive

Laughter is the best medicine

Being able to laugh is an important part of a healthy mind and body. When you laugh, you secrete a chemical that automatically boosts your mood and improves your physical health.

After a good laugh, you will often find that your problems no longer seem as big as you made them out to be.  As a result, you feel better about yourself and become more in tune with what is inside you. Laughter also has an another great benefit...it is contagious.

When you laugh, people around you will laugh and feel better and pretty soon everyone will be happier and more spiritually connected.

2. Meditate

Another way to find your own Higher Power and fine tune your spiritual awareness is through the act of meditation. It sounds challenging, but in reality many meditation techniques are super simple to learn, can be done anywhere and can take just 15 minutes a day.

Find a quiet room or place with no distractions, sit comfortably, and focus on the in and out of your breath. If transient thought pop in your head, accept them for what they are and return to your breathing.

Not to sound heavy, but practicing meditation is a way to directly communicate with your soul. Far out, huh? If you really think about it, our bodies are made up of atoms that are mostly empty space. What gives us our feelings, our energy and our meaning? That is what is real....

3. Serve Somebody

The truth is that you can't expect to grow as a person and as a spiritual being in isolation.

When you reach out and help others, your fears and insecurities disappear because your focus is not on you, but on something that is outside of yourself.

Are you seeing a theme here?

Serving others is a direct line to understanding a higher power. When you feel the result of a good deed, it is its own reward and you will likely feel a part of something much greater.

4. Get Sleep.

What does sleep have to do with building spiritual awareness?

Well, in order to tune in to those special frequencies that are inside of you, your mind and thoughts need to be fine tuned. The best way to achieve this is through getting enough sleep every night. You need to create a daily schedule which allows you to get between 6 to 8 hours of quality sleep every night.

Getting good rest makes it easier for you to focus your thoughts...and staying in control of your thoughts is important for increasing spiritual awareness.

5. Get Outside!

Do you want to unravel the secrets of life? Get outside and let Mother Nature take over!

If you want to increase your spiritual awareness so that you can understand what life is, spend some time in nature and observe how the various elements work with each other to create harmony. Once we see this harmony we can begin to understand the ways we need to be a part of this harmony.

The Most Important Tip Of All Is....

If you want to build and deepen your spiritual awareness...you need to keep on keepin' on and be open to learn and grow from your daily experiences. Our recovery, like life, is a work in progress and we discover the good, bad and ugly about ourselves on a daily basis. Be open to yourself and the world around you. 

Category: Break Free
23 May 2018 10:36

Louis4sameach

Thank you that should really help. I really owe all of you because you give motivation. I dreamt last night that I was masterbating and comparing my size to something else which is something I did when I watched porn. BH it was not a wet dream though. Mechayil el chayil pray for me ppleas. I pray that all those struggling with this terrible addiction find their means of breaking free. 
23 May 2018 03:12

Louis4sameach

Now I'm back from Ireland BH and shavuot was very hard. I'm still clean but my urge from masturbation is getting stronger. I'm almost not comfortable going to the bathroom because I need to touch my penis. It really makes me realize how much I was addicted to pornography and masturbation. On the flip side there's so much more kedusha because i have to constantly remind myself that I cannot pleasure myself with my hand and I cannot allow my mind to wander anywhere. I feel more in control new than i have in so long. Good luck to all!
23 May 2018 02:39

grateful4life

Serenity123 wrote on 23 May 2018 01:01:
Hi,

I am 22 and on my way to graduate university. I am in SA for 5 month and experiencing the light of recovery and healing, I have been sober since I joined with hashem's help. I am posting because I am struggling today. I oversleep to try and go through the days without living them and it changed my sleep cycle, I wake up at 12pm with low motivation. I have a lot of studying to do and I stand to lose a bit of money if I dont pass some tests at the end of this month but I cannot be productive. When I start studying my heart hates it and my whole body goes out of balance, and my mind goes to lust. For some reasons I am powerless over studying, I cannot study like other people and my negative trait of character of laziness kicks in to take advantage of it. I am grateful to be sober and I am grateful to not be alone. When I was in active addiction I would push myself to study/work and cram through it until it was too much and I needed to escape into lust. I cannot do this anymore, I am willing to give up the potential of earning more money even though I am capable of it to avoid risking my sobriety because if I lose my sobriety I will not have money for a long time, my addiction cost me a lot of money to date and a lot of crippling guilt and shame. I want to be free and loved, not hiding in my own darkness. I am grateful for this forum and all the lights it brings into my life, I am not alone anymore and it makes me feel understood, I am learning to receive love. I love you my dear brothers in recovery may Hashem help us all

So sorry to hear about your pain.
I know that there is a fellowship of Oversleepers Anonymous that currently holds meetings once a week by phone.
It would be worthwhile to try it out.
I will PM you with the info.
Haztzlacha with all your endeavors!
Category: Break Free
23 May 2018 01:01

Serenity123

Hi,

I am 22 and on my way to graduate university. I am in SA for 5 month and experiencing the light of recovery and healing, I have been sober since I joined with hashem's help. I am posting because I am struggling today. I oversleep to try and go through the days without living them and it changed my sleep cycle, I wake up at 12pm with low motivation. I have a lot of studying to do and I stand to lose a bit of money if I dont pass some tests at the end of this month but I cannot be productive. When I start studying my heart hates it and my whole body goes out of balance, and my mind goes to lust. For some reasons I am powerless over studying, I cannot study like other people and my negative trait of character of laziness kicks in to take advantage of it. I am grateful to be sober and I am grateful to not be alone. When I was in active addiction I would push myself to study/work and cram through it until it was too much and I needed to escape into lust. I cannot do this anymore, I am willing to give up the potential of earning more money even though I am capable of it to avoid risking my sobriety because if I lose my sobriety I will not have money for a long time, my addiction cost me a lot of money to date and a lot of crippling guilt and shame. I want to be free and loved, not hiding in my own darkness. I am grateful for this forum and all the lights it brings into my life, I am not alone anymore and it makes me feel understood, I am learning to receive love. I love you my dear brothers in recovery may Hashem help us all
Category: Break Free
22 May 2018 15:27

Techeles0227

Me
Hey everyone I'm new here,



Introducing myself. I've been struggling with SSA  since a young age. I suspect it was lack or relationship with my father and being more mature as a child relative to my male peers and age. At the start of blooming to "man-hood" I had been sexually coerced out of compulsion on several occasions with someone close. That ended and I felt confused in my Judaism. I always felt a sort of spiritual connection as a child and always knew I need to become more frum than my family. Also I'm a Kohen so I've always felt a guilt because of the responsibility of being Kadosh and people who a greater than me giving me respect. As I said I'm addicted to Masterbation and some pornography for a number of years now. On a several rare  occasions I've acted on my taivas with people than lead me to deppresive episodes. I've been closed about all of this for a long time. At this point in my life I've been in Yeshiva for two years. More knowledgeable about yiddishkeit and I guess more frum. And I'm stuck at a fork in the road for my next step in life because Idk if I'm able to get married and have kids. Which I want. I don't want to live a "progressive" lifestyle because I'm a g-d fearing person but also have this potent, powerful, sexual desire that feels really good when I submit to it. On one hand this ta'va is not me and going against my desire to have a family, because what's the point of living if I'll be alone or not have children to pass on my legacy. but on the other hand I love my Ta'ava and can't get enough of it. Being in a family with tight finances and other problems that not relative to this program put another level of stress on me. Many people who have advised me don't know this hidden department about me but know all the other stuff have told me Hashem gave me a lot of strength and are shocked that I'm functional for the most part. I appreciate that, but I'm still confused on decisions in my life. Having all this happen in my life especially SSA gives me a strong doubt about marriage for me. How will I ever get married? If I do how will I love my wife in the physical department? (If I have kids) How will I teach my sons? 



The anxiety of marriage is a little bit calmed from talked to someone here about  succeeding the 90 day program and going through the steps of the program but the anxiety is still sorta there. 




I guess this is alot for an introduction. But Idk someone else knows other than me.
Category: Introduce Yourself
17 May 2018 01:20

grateful4life

eli613 wrote on 16 May 2018 05:49:
I am sober for 53 days. I am attending a single SA meeting a week and I am calling people and doing some step or reading work every day. My sponsor tells me it's not enough and that I need to start attending three meetings a week and that recovery needs to be my main focus in life. It's overwhelming! I want to stay sober, but do I really need such a rigorous program? What I'm doing now is working, but I don't know how long I'll be able to keep it up for. 

I would love to hear if anybody had success in recovery through other means?

My "mo" was visiting massage providers and before that it was occasional porn and masturbation. Long story.....


I would say you're lucky... my sponsor told me that I needed 4 meetings per week in early recovery .

All kidding aside, if your life, as a result of your addiction, has become seriously unmanageable, you've experienced severe pain and you can't stop, and you therefore belong in SA then getting real recovery that will keep you sober LONG TERM will almost invariably only come about if you give it TOP priority. 

If that has not been your experience then you may be able to do with less. Regardless, time will tell the true story... The measure we put in is the measure we get out.

May Gd grant you the strength and the courage to take the necessary steps for your recovery and may He bless you with a life of sobriety, happiness and serenity.
Category: Break Free
16 May 2018 23:08

grateful4life

GratefulTzvi wrote on 15 May 2018 20:58:
Hey everyone, thought I'd share what my day looks like, maybe my experience, strength and hope will encourage someone else.  
On awakening around 6AM, I say my personalized third step prayer which I composed with my sponsor's help.  Basically it's the third step prayer, but I talk to Hashem Yisborach, instead G-d.  Myself, Tzvi.  Relieve me of the bondages of self, for me that's my addiction, my codependencies, especially my people pleasing, my tendency to escape with food.  Take away my difficulties, for me that's my weakness of Emunah which manifests is an almost constant need to grab the GPS from HIM and check out where HE'S taking me, as I sit at the back of the bus.  I'm ok not driving (today) but I sometimes (alot actually) I just wish HE'D let me in on his plans for me today.   Pull back the curtain and let me see the part of my life that is hidden from me.  TO those I would help, I mention my wife, my children and grandchildren, my sponsees and everyone in my program sphere.  
I get off my bed, drop to my knees and thank HIM for a peaceful, restful night, free of lustful or terrorizing dreams, ask him to help me see HIS hand in my day.  Then I turn around, rest against the bed and meditate for 10 minutes.  At that point, my second alarm goes off (just in case I fell into sleep from my meditation.  I shower, dress and go to shul to learn, then daven.  
I do one or sometimes two DSRs with sponsees.  Breakfast and checkin with my wife.  Check in includes how I'm feeling and something compliment about her, and she hopefully does the same.   Then I go to work.  During the work day, I get a lot of little breaks, so I use them to text or answer whatsapp messages, or emails.  I take long lunches so I can get home and join the noon SA phone meeting.  Or work with sponsees from Europe.   Lunch then back to work for the afternoon, more short calls, messages received and sent. Sometime in the afternoon, another 10 minute meditation time.  I need one every 8 hours or so, just like meds.  Home for dinner with my wife. (phone is off limits unless it's an emergency call from sponsee). 
Dinner, mincha, then daf, then maariv, then home to work with another sponsee until around midnight, then step 10 inventory list, then short prayer, thanking HIM for a sober day, then meditation which drifts into sleep.  
During the week, I might go to a face to face meeting (especially if one of my sponsees is going)  But otherwise, it's not a priority for me right now.  On average, I'm on at least 4 to 5 meetings a week as it is.  And my noon meeting I consider my home group.  

Hope that's helpful.  Thanks for letting me share. 
GratefulTzvi

Thanks so much for sharing that!! It really speaks volumes of your program. I should probably read it once a day and implement a new piece of it every week. This routine really speaks to the core of my character defects and my aspirations for a truly sober and spiritual life.
I don't want to say too much but thank you so much Tzvi for joining GYE and sharing your ESH here. Please keep on posting and I look forward to following your threads/posts going forward.
Category: What Works for Me
16 May 2018 21:28

Ihavestrength

lionking wrote on 16 May 2018 02:14:
This month's feature article in PC Magazine talks about tech addiction. Sharing it here for anyone who is interested in reading it.

I put it in a spoiler so not to hog the recent posts and for those that don't want to read secular magazines.
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Wow, that is one long spoiler! 
Category: Introduce Yourself
16 May 2018 11:22

tiefster88

Well done on the 53 days!!

I went to SA in the past, once a week and managed to stay sober for just over 100 days but was full of lust thoughts.

Now I do a mindfulness meditation for addiction app every day and have a taphsic neder and have been sober for 90 days. I am able to control my thinking much better and, with the help of Hashem, am lusting way less. My phone has no filter on it at all.

I have transcribed much of my program over the last couple of months, over here guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/327296-Sholoms-Mindfulness-Recovery-Path

So far I have found it necessary to have a rigorous program and that recovery needs to be the main focus of my life. On the other hand once I have really changed, maybe I wont need to spend quite so much time and effort. I will have to keep up the mindfulness practices but the plan is they will eventually become a habit and 2nd nature.

For now I'm not sure that I need the 12 step groups but I read the big book from time to time. A lot of the yesodos in there and in the white book are invaluable. For example, the idea that the addiction is to lust, even thinking, not just acting out and that in order to stay healthy we have to stop lusting altogether, is absolutely fundamental.

The 12 steps are more known and most people who have recovered have done so through the 12 steps. However many shmutz addiction therapists that I know have switched to using mindfulness from other methods of therapy like CBT, so I think that there is potential for mindfulness to become a viable option to recovery from shmutz addiction.
Category: Break Free
16 May 2018 02:14

lionking

This month's feature article in PC Magazine talks about tech addiction. Sharing it here for anyone who is interested in reading it.

I put it in a spoiler so not to hog the recent posts and for those that don't want to read secular magazines.
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
Category: Introduce Yourself
15 May 2018 20:58

GratefulTzvi

Hey everyone, thought I'd share what my day looks like, maybe my experience, strength and hope will encourage someone else.  
On awakening around 6AM, I say my personalized third step prayer which I composed with my sponsor's help.  Basically it's the third step prayer, but I talk to Hashem Yisborach, instead G-d.  Myself, Tzvi.  Relieve me of the bondages of self, for me that's my addiction, my codependencies, especially my people pleasing, my tendency to escape with food.  Take away my difficulties, for me that's my weakness of Emunah which manifests is an almost constant need to grab the GPS from HIM and check out where HE'S taking me, as I sit at the back of the bus.  I'm ok not driving (today) but I sometimes (alot actually) I just wish HE'D let me in on his plans for me today.   Pull back the curtain and let me see the part of my life that is hidden from me.  TO those I would help, I mention my wife, my children and grandchildren, my sponsees and everyone in my program sphere.  
I get off my bed, drop to my knees and thank HIM for a peaceful, restful night, free of lustful or terrorizing dreams, ask him to help me see HIS hand in my day.  Then I turn around, rest against the bed and meditate for 10 minutes.  At that point, my second alarm goes off (just in case I fell into sleep from my meditation.  I shower, dress and go to shul to learn, then daven.  
I do one or sometimes two DSRs with sponsees.  Breakfast and checkin with my wife.  Check in includes how I'm feeling and something compliment about her, and she hopefully does the same.   Then I go to work.  During the work day, I get a lot of little breaks, so I use them to text or answer whatsapp messages, or emails.  I take long lunches so I can get home and join the noon SA phone meeting.  Or work with sponsees from Europe.   Lunch then back to work for the afternoon, more short calls, messages received and sent. Sometime in the afternoon, another 10 minute meditation time.  I need one every 8 hours or so, just like meds.  Home for dinner with my wife. (phone is off limits unless it's an emergency call from sponsee). 
Dinner, mincha, then daf, then maariv, then home to work with another sponsee until around midnight, then step 10 inventory list, then short prayer, thanking HIM for a sober day, then meditation which drifts into sleep.  
During the week, I might go to a face to face meeting (especially if one of my sponsees is going)  But otherwise, it's not a priority for me right now.  On average, I'm on at least 4 to 5 meetings a week as it is.  And my noon meeting I consider my home group.  

Hope that's helpful.  Thanks for letting me share. 
GratefulTzvi
Category: What Works for Me
15 May 2018 17:31

stillgoing

Welcome aboard. We're all on a journey, but GYE's a great dock to start from.

re tophsic - I also don't use it and I know of many others that don't as well, but some have told me that the reason that it didn't work for me is because it is not supposed to be a shevuah not to fall. It's a whole system of delaying the fall, and often avoiding it completely, but if someone follows the rules and still falls he hasn't broken any shvuos (because lust addiction isn't stopped by a simple shevuah).. It's actually a pretty interesting idea  - (for example, one can say that if he has an urge to use his phone for a particular use, he has to first learn b'iyun for 5 minutes. He might still fall after learning, but most often just the thought of learning b'iyun in that frame of mind will make him decide to fall a different time. Making a shvuah not to fall altogether is usually doomed to failure (at least in my experience).

There are many many different paths to stopping, and hanging around the forum, and talking to (even emailing) other people is a tremendous help.

Hatzlacha rabba
sg
Category: Introduce Yourself
15 May 2018 04:34

abieham

Welcome holy yid. I know that you can truly be happy and free from this addiction. My sponsor helped me and I got to almost sixty days and counting. It feels so relieving to know that I don’t have to run and look at every or any girl on the street or stare at pictures of half dressed women on the computer screen( since the real bad stuff gets filtered). I feel free. You can also. Share your story subscribe to the emails and get a GOOD computer filter. Read some old posts and see what works for you. Maybe a conference call or even a SA meeting.
Stay positive and know that you can get out of this situation.
wishing you hatzlacha
Category: Introduce Yourself
13 May 2018 18:52

lifebound

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 13 May 2018 18:38:
I believe SA’s sobriety definition only addresses masturbation and other physical acts, but not porn. 

From my limited understanding, SA is the only fellowship that includes lust in its sobriety definition.
From www.sa.org/sexaholic/ :

...for the sexaholic, any form of sex with one’s self or with partners other than the spouse is progressively addictive and destructive. We also see that lust is the driving force behind our sexual acting out, and true sobriety includes progressive victory over lust.


I'd think watching porn falls under lusting, no?

edit: doesn't really matter at this point, my intention in my original post was just to point out that I didn't think SA has a lenient sobriety definition. Which may or may not be correct after all.
Back to you lionking, hope you find a sobriety definition that works for you

Also, relating to your mention of the forum rules, there's a couple additional interesting posts on this thread, worth reading: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/24319-RulesGuidelines-for-Using-the-GYE-Forum
Category: Introduce Yourself
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