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31 Jul 2019 11:30

gye5770

Getting sober
Hello 
I am new here but have been doing the program for a while already, so i have a sponsor i speak to, and do the program, I just had a fall so i thought what i could do, and decided if i try to help others by sharing my story and day to day life as an addict maybe it will go deeper into my head to want to stay sober - because that is what its all about - only the mindset and a strong willingnes.
Category: Introduce Yourself
29 Jul 2019 09:58

Singularity

Re: This time is for real.
Welcome!

Are you sure you're not me? This is my story! It's all there! Baal teshuvah, yeshiva at age 19, now married, etc. 

MAN! You're in the right boat, with all of us

Though I never had real sexual encounters. while in yeshivah, though I sure wanted to. My addict mind is a bit jealous of you right now.

Keep coming back!
Category: Introduce Yourself
28 Jul 2019 23:31

DaatEliahu

This time is for real.
Shalom Aleichem.
My name is XXXX. I`m 25 years old, Baal Teshuva. And I`ve got married a year ago. 
Anyone that looks at me in the street will see another normal Haredi guy, going to shul. Going to Kollel. Listening to shiurim when I`m on the bus.

That`s not really the truth, is it?

I remember when I wasn`t religious, I was maybe 10 or 11 when I bought my first Playboy magazine. Little did I know that looking at pictures of naked girls at that time would be the beginning of a crippling, mind-torturing porn and masturbation addiction that would last for longer than I`m proud to say. 

When I was 17 or 18, I was already starting to do teshuva, praying a little, eating a little kosher,going to shabbos meals(even though I wasn`t Shomer Shabbos yet), and when I was 19 I went to Yeshivat in Israel, where I`ve been living ever since. 

I`ve always had a problem with girls. Everything was connected to try and meet new girls, getting laid. In Yeshivat this didn`t change a bit. I had sexual encounters  with 2 girls and occasionally hooked up with another 6 or 7. One of them became my wife.

And I used to masturbate  a lot. Study all week, just to watch porn and masturbate at the end. I always thought this would just go away by itself and it wasnt a big problem, that I was in Teshuva process and shouldn`t be so hard on myself.

Until one day I started to think maybe it`s time to stop. And I was pretty much sure I could do it. And I did... for a month. And then for two weeks. And then for 20 days. And then for another month. Suddenly I realized I couldn`t stop. Once I was able to stop for 8 months (my biggest streak) when I was very involved in learning. And for the first 3 months of my marriage. Then it all broke down.

I`ve been trying to get rid of this nightmare for years, lying to myself and to my wife. I feel like I`ve been ungrateful to Hashem. I feel desperate and alone and this time I HAVE to succeed. I`m afraid lust will take an upper hand against me and I`ll wont have the strenght to battle against it.

So here I am, trying one more time. This time for real.This time with everything I got, so I can be a better person, a better Jew, a better Avreich.... I`m on my way to smicha right now, and I feel like I`m living a double life. 

I hope to add a lot to this community, because the chizuk I got from here is part of what keeps me going.(event though this is the first time I post here).

Wish a lot of hatzlacha to everyone. 
Category: Introduce Yourself
26 Jul 2019 21:12

stillgoing

Re: A struggling bochur
The pirshay HaMarkz shlita explain that he was joking. No one thinks s-x addiction is normal unless he's a s-x addict. :-)

Hatzlacha on SMART.
It does sound very different then 12 steps.
Please keep us posted if you don't mind.
Kit
sg
Category: Introduce Yourself
26 Jul 2019 18:36

Markz

Re: A struggling bochur
Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 26 Jul 2019 12:34:
So... 

Yesterday I showed up to a "SMART recovery meeting" there were 8 people there including one woman which BH wasn't a problem for me.

SMART recovery is for all types of addictions, everyone introduced themselves saying why they were there, how their week was, I just said I have "maladaptive behavior" that's what was suggested I say, because no one would accept me fully if I say I've got sexual issues.

People there were either alcoholics or on drugs, really sad to see these people which looking like they've nearly killed themselves, they looked terrible and ill. 

The facilitator went through everyone personally asking them questions, one of the things I said was, that Shabbos stopped me from using my drug (porn) it was a tremendous Kiddush hashem, and people really respected that, point is the facilitator is like you see how you can stop if you really want to.In smart we believe everyone can stop in their own... No higher power etc as in 12 steps..


Then he went through a exercise to help us realize, we convinced ourselves that giving in once to the drug isn't an issue, look where we end up each time we give in, and how we need to rewire the way we think

Then the hat was passed around for donations.

That's my first experience in short and without sharing private stuff...

“no one would accept me fully if I say I’ve got sexual issues”
Why do you think so?
It’s such a normal thing. 
Category: Introduce Yourself
26 Jul 2019 12:34

Shnitzel and kugel

Re: A struggling bochur
So... 

Yesterday I showed up to a "SMART recovery meeting" there were 8 people there including one woman which BH wasn't a problem for me.

SMART recovery is for all types of addictions, everyone introduced themselves saying why they were there, how their week was, I just said I have "maladaptive behavior" that's what was suggested I say, because no one would accept me fully if I say I've got sexual issues.

People there were either alcoholics or on drugs, really sad to see these people which looking like they've nearly killed themselves, they looked terrible and ill. 

The facilitator went through everyone personally asking them questions, one of the things I said was, that Shabbos stopped me from using my drug (porn) it was a tremendous Kiddush hashem, and people really respected that, point is the facilitator is like you see how you can stop if you really want to.In smart we believe everyone can stop in their own... No higher power etc as in 12 steps..


Then he went through a exercise to help us realize, we convinced ourselves that giving in once to the drug isn't an issue, look where we end up each time we give in, and how we need to rewire the way we think

Then the hat was passed around for donations.

That's my first experience in short and without sharing private stuff...
Category: Introduce Yourself
26 Jul 2019 00:13

doingtshuva

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim
Dave M wrote on 25 Jul 2019 13:15:
Last couple of days I've had some slip ups.  I need to be honest with myself here.  Although I have been free from viewing explicit contents or MZ"L for many months now, there is definitely room to improve my shmiras einayim.  As I have noted on Onceandforall's thread.  I go to a jewish gym to workout a few days a week.  The members are mostly from the frum crowd, so should be ok, right?  Well, not so fast.  They have TV monitors throughout the gym with various shows/movies playing.  When working out, I find myself being drawn to the movies that are playing.  Often times, my workout ends before the movie does.  So what do I do?  I google the movie to find out what happens and sometime will watch clips from the movies.  Last few days what I saw was definitely not good.  Deep down I know what I'm doing is not helping my battle and potentially can leads to worst.  But going to the gym and working out is such an enjoyable outlet.  I struggled with this quandary for a  few months.  Until I read Onceandforall's thread.  It helps hit home.  I finally decided to put gadarim in place to protect me from this.   This also reminded me of what I read in the GYE handbook (page 12 )  I copied here:

If we are serious about breaking free of lust addiction, we need to try to refrain from watching TV, movies and reading secular magazines and newspapers as much as possible, since all of them are full of promiscuity. Even the most innocent-sounding children's movies today are filled with imagery which can be very triggering for a lust addict and we must therefore try to avoid them as much as we can. Let's talk about movies, for example. Movies are one of the biggest stumbling blocks to a proper healing from lust addiction, because often we find them very hard to give up. They serve as a source of entertainment for millions of people around the world, and they are often a welcome distraction from the difficult realities of life. But movies are filled to the brim with triggers to lust. And even if one is successful to find a movie with absolutely no provocatively dressed women or kissing scenes in them (almost impossible today), will there still not even be any attractive female actors in the movie at all? If we are trying to guard our eyes in the street - and we must be; how can we allow ourselves to stare at attractive women in a movie for about 2 hours straight? As lust addicts, most of us simply cannot look at attractive women - even modestly dressed - and not think or feel any undercurrent of lust. The nature of the addiction has taken this ability away from us. And we must admit this truth to ourselves; as long as we
are lusting - we are still feeding the addiction. Therefore in the GYE community, we know that if we are truly serious about breaking free from the poison of lust, we must let this be our sacrifice for Hashem's glory and give up non-Jewish movies for good. And surely this will be considered a most precious sacrifice in Hashem's eyes, a sacrifice brought on the altar of our hearts!

Please Hashem.  Accept this sacrifice from me and give us the needed siyata dishmaya

How about taking with your own I - pad and just ignore the monitors on the walls?
Try being creative
Category: Introduce Yourself
25 Jul 2019 13:15

Dave M

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim
Last couple of days I've had some slip ups.  I need to be honest with myself here.  Although I have been free from viewing explicit contents or MZ"L for many months now, there is definitely room to improve my shmiras einayim.  As I have noted on Onceandforall's thread.  I go to a jewish gym to workout a few days a week.  The members are mostly from the frum crowd, so should be ok, right?  Well, not so fast.  They have TV monitors throughout the gym with various shows/movies playing.  When working out, I find myself being drawn to the movies that are playing.  Often times, my workout ends before the movie does.  So what do I do?  I google the movie to find out what happens and sometime will watch clips from the movies.  Last few days what I saw was definitely not good.  Deep down I know what I'm doing is not helping my battle and potentially can leads to worst.  But going to the gym and working out is such an enjoyable outlet.  I struggled with this quandary for a  few months.  Until I read Onceandforall's thread.  It helps hit home.  I finally decided to put gadarim in place to protect me from this.   This also reminded me of what I read in the GYE handbook (page 12 )  I copied here:

If we are serious about breaking free of lust addiction, we need to try to refrain from watching TV, movies and reading secular magazines and newspapers as much as possible, since all of them are full of promiscuity. Even the most innocent-sounding children's movies today are filled with imagery which can be very triggering for a lust addict and we must therefore try to avoid them as much as we can. Let's talk about movies, for example. Movies are one of the biggest stumbling blocks to a proper healing from lust addiction, because often we find them very hard to give up. They serve as a source of entertainment for millions of people around the world, and they are often a welcome distraction from the difficult realities of life. But movies are filled to the brim with triggers to lust. And even if one is successful to find a movie with absolutely no provocatively dressed women or kissing scenes in them (almost impossible today), will there still not even be any attractive female actors in the movie at all? If we are trying to guard our eyes in the street - and we must be; how can we allow ourselves to stare at attractive women in a movie for about 2 hours straight? As lust addicts, most of us simply cannot look at attractive women - even modestly dressed - and not think or feel any undercurrent of lust. The nature of the addiction has taken this ability away from us. And we must admit this truth to ourselves; as long as we
are lusting - we are still feeding the addiction. Therefore in the GYE community, we know that if we are truly serious about breaking free from the poison of lust, we must let this be our sacrifice for Hashem's glory and give up non-Jewish movies for good. And surely this will be considered a most precious sacrifice in Hashem's eyes, a sacrifice brought on the altar of our hearts!

Please Hashem.  Accept this sacrifice from me and give us the needed siyata dishmaya
Category: Introduce Yourself
24 Jul 2019 11:53

daledadar.3

RABBI'S AT RISK. G-D HELP US ONE AND ALL!

A MORONIC SYSTEM THAT MAKES SO MANY ACT OUT ..AND IN SO MANY WAYS AND SOME CONCRETE SOLUTIONS Witney Houston once sang …Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all I am ok cuz G-d don't make junk , goes the saying Love your neighbor as thyself

You have to love yourself

A rav in Israel called this "basisi", basic stuff

It is every parent's goal; to raise kids with a sense of self love

That way they won't act out ..with food, drugs, rage, lust etc

However in today's Jewish community often things are different.

"My students think G-d hates them!" in despair, Rabbi  Hikind announced to his father's radio show listeners  Rav Arush writes how the vast majority of the people whom he counsels hate themselves

And Rav Sheya Twerski spent his writing career combatting what he called the number #1 problem of our generation, low self esteem

Indeed hating yourself is a one way ticket to that island of acting out with our toxic "friends" drugs, food, alchohol, rage, lust, you name it

I write as one who really struggles with this hate, self esteem thing

"We were taught to doubt" one night, talk show host Larry King tells of how he viewed Judaism growing up.

What was I taught growing up?

What are so many today taught?

No one taught me "Thou shat hate thyself"

Fine

I was taught just this :

YOU MUST FOLLOW A HIGHLY RIGOROUS DEMANDING SET OF LAWS

IF YOU DON’T, WHATEVER AND WHENEVER YOU FALL SHORT, A LOVING G-D (no sarcastic quotation marks)WILL TORTURE YOU IN THIS WORLD PERHAPS, AND DEFNATELY THE NEXT, WITH SPIRITUAL PAINS THAT MAKE THE HOLOCAUST LOOK LIKE A RIDE ON A REKEVET KALA IN JERUSALEM, OR  THE INCONVENIENCE OF A SHORT DELAY FOR THE "F "TRAIN IN MANHATTAN

THIS VERY LOVING G-D  WILL PUT YOU IN A STATE OF KAF VAKELLA FOR ETERNITY – BUT ONLY IF YOU REALLY REALLY TRY HIS LOVING PATIENCE. SO DON’T WORRY

ALL THE WHILE I, LIKE SO VERY MANY OTHERS, WERE EXPOSED TO PERVERSE SICK, IMMORAL, VIOLENT, SEXUALLY IMPLICIT AND EXPLICITE,  TV, RADIO, CABLE ETC, WIRIING ME TO SIN, AND IN SO  MANY WAYS

Of course popculture  affected me! It is scientifically proven that virtually all of us say that they are amongst those chosen few who aren’t affected

I watched and listened, and was hugely affected for the worse Consequently, the Torah became harder to follow.

So I often couldn’t measure up to Yiddishkeit. My self esteem took a real first class beating. I hated myself, judged others harshly, and  in a sense I hated G-d. I felt He hated me.I suppose you can love life as a failure. Gilligan of my sitcom TV saturated rerun childhood, did. I didnt.

So I got depressed and I acted out.

"When I think back on all that [religious dogma] I learned in gradeschool and highschool;  it is a wonder I can think at all" I quote a song from my youth "Hate yourself ? When did we say we tell you to actually hate yourself? We love you daledadar.3

" But be careful to not speak lashon hara. & study your five hundred page manual. Learn it well. Some lashon hara is murder Study  then you won't be guilty of murder.

"You removed the peach label wrong on a warm Shabbos afternoon? You are past twenty years old so you are excommunicated. An das you know daledaadar.3, it is Biblical command  But you can get your excommunication reversed. It is gonna take a lootta work though.

"No don’t hate yourself. That is a tremendous aveirah daledadar.3

"But that list of ayn lo cheileck lionlam haba in Perkei Avos...? Yeah watch that daledadar.3 ,because you can lose your ticket to paradise " LIES MY RABBIS TOLD ME or what they told me they really had NO business telling me ! The melting pot is very real. And so too JEWISH GUILT IS VERY REAL AND THESE DAYS ( not centuries ago mind you perhaps  . Then extremely harsh mussar HAD its place.)but these days …?IT IS A KILLER!

Toras H-shem temimah. Torah is beautiful, wonderful. As a levi I say my aliyah with great pride and often. But you don’t teach niddah to seven year olds, you don’t spit  on Superman's cape... and in a generation where emunah is virtually impossible compared to, say, 100 years ago...Dont teach me very shtark mussar and highly rigourous obligations  which guilt many of us out & bum us out to the point of acting out!.

I, and many of us are part of a cruel sadistic experiment ; not by Nazis and no, not as severe

No one person actually does this .. But this is the experiment: Let us raise kids with WWF wrestling, graphic songs where teenagers lose their virginity panting and moaning heavily ,and rappers seducing women into copulating (or just forget the seduction part) Let us show kids all sorts of utterly graphic violence that would make Alfred Hitchkock of fifties fame horror film creator, flintch with terror ;heads being chopped off all sorts of things

Now let us tell them not to touch women's pinkies, or look at them, and inform them that any erection might be the fault of the young man (us) in this experiment.Inculcate the participants that masturbation is like murder.

"Let us see" say the experimentors  ..with all this sex violence scoffing on one hand ///-and elite kedusha as very polar opposite forces  ..let us see how many end up maladjusted, older  singles, with shalom bayis problems, disenchanted with their faith, drug addicts, floundering in life etc etc etc

and acting out  …    Hell, Gehenom, Purgetroy "60 times hotter than the sun rabosi" I can still hear the  deep voice of my 9th grade rebbe, "touched" as African Americans would have called him , lecturing to a very modern Orthodox highschool....... 60 times hotter than the sun rabosi 60 times !!  And so many of us had parents who let their kids see, listen, and inhale TV, radio, movies, rap,    "What can we do?" bewail so many parents in 2019. " My kid acts out with food, drugs,lust, violence and chutzpah to their mechanchim ?"the parents go on and on and on I have a suggestion Daledadar.3 can give you an "eitzah maalyah"  Take a "Back to the Future" Time machine to when Harrry Truman was chastised for using the taboo turn "Hell" in a speech   Tell them what you expose yor kids to Let them actually see the  sewer of 2019 cable   SHOW IT ALL, PARENTS OF A MESSED UP CHILD!

Then social service 1950S style ,alla a guy like  a judge like Perry Mason of TV fame, fifties style will sentence your "Bruchie" and "Duvie" to be removed "You aren’t fit parents" he will declare.

If you don’t comply, then a cop like, say,  Andy Griffeth and  Barnie Fife of TV fame, will force " Bruchi" and "Duvie" out of their "Jekyl Hyde" –morning lessons of Avraham Aveinu who didn’t gaze at Sarah due to tzniyus -night time homosexual sitcoms and riality shows and onslaught of sex vilence and all the filth ,all the filth

   That teacher I once had who spoke of  "60 time hotter than the sun" stuff to his students, his students from TV homes. How did they respond? They taught the "helige"rav's three and four year old nibul peh  "You shouldn't say that. That is a naughty word."  "the four year old bechor affectionately told his little brother  The  rav affectionnately would kiss his little ones -(even after they would use nibul peh...-rightfully so)  "Little kids need lots of affection at that age" teh rav of my youth would inform us ...... AND WE DONT ??! After all ..did the GRA"S  generation sit down to Uncle Miltie dress up like a woman, or witness the simulated violent rape of a man as in TV's St Elsewhere?

Did Abiya and Rava's generation watch practically naked women violently beat up nearly, but not quite as muscular, men? In the time of Rashi, did people hear leitzanus about howmosexuality "not being anything that wrong" and taunts from women to men about fake orgasms, from a "mefursam" Jewish badchan ? Mistama not  In the times of Rabbi Akiva Eiger, did modern orthodox yiddden listen intently to rappers flaunt going into clubs and, in vulgar terms, seducing women and copulating with them, usually as these women are totally "maskim" (though not always, to totally to meaningless  lustful one night stands, or half night stands perhaps) ( We are wary ooooh there is antisemetism in rap The other stuff is 'going a little to far" vihaer shushan navocha!!) Torah changes with the times. Rav Shimshon Rafael Hirsch and Ba'al Shem Hakadosh paskined Rabbis at risk, kindly put down the harsh heavy mussar and teach a G-d of UN conditional- not conditional love !! David Berkowitz and a rapper who rapes, feel G-ds love. Maybe rabbis are at risk if countless of us hate ourslelves? Ya think ?   Jewish Press loves to tell us about how the NYTIMES ignored the Holocaust. While actualy they did write hundreds of articles about the Holocaust

That is much more than  AMI MISHPAHCA Jewish  Press, Jewish Week, Jewish Connection, Yated and Hamodia combined ever wrote on the evils of pop culture and how it is destroying our people

Oh, and if their readership doesn’t watch pop culture WHY DON’T THEY WRITE ARTCLES TEACHING THEIR READERSHIP HOW TO MOTIVATE OTHERS TO STOP? The answer ?Perhaps thy will "inform you" that no one watches TV and or cable. (By the way not much is written to inspire people to get filters on smartphones and computers)

So if no one is watching TV And cable anymore....?. Give me a break Tell me about all those "smartphone" or "computer"  Superbowl parties

Why the incessant "purple glow " on the very Modern orthodox  Ocean parkway in Brooklyn ??  No one uses dollars or shekels.i suppose.. Keys ?No one uses keys it is all hand censored ! In the words of let su say  a TV and Cable free home eralicha beis Yaakov girl  .. "BALONEY!" Aguda said they spoke aganst TV ...7 years ago!!  Hollywood pro Palestinians are anti semites. Got it Got it  . How about pondering  this in peridodicles :….

Are Hollywood folk who mock and figuritevely  burn our Torah day and night on TV and cable TV shows antii-Semites?? Magazines please,you do such wonderful work .. But  could you kindly  stop looking at "those darn kids" what is wrong with them? angle   I think  Mr Hikind and his son get it Rav Arush gets it

Gateway to Happiness' Rav zelig Pliskin  in my opinion gets it

Lots of rabbbanim get it  Many dont They are the Rabbis at risk

But back to all to us

Next time you put on teffilin –or if you dont, just contemplate it for a while --Viarisatech li lolam. G-d is connected ot me always  What an invigorating happiness inducing calming tranquil pleasant thought  Sit com  dads love their kids .. and even  when they acted up really bad! From Mr  Brady to Andy Griffeth  to the dad on different Strokes.. Hakodosh Baruch Hu is as good as them.. You know what INFINATELY BETTER !! His love is UN conditional

First came chessed THEN later din for a reason Today we are my ninth grade rebbes three and four year old. Rav Moshe Wolfson shlita consistantly speaks of a weaker generation that should be treated more gently which has harsh tests

G-d loves unconditionally

According to what I read in a Rav Sheya Twerski classic on perkei Avos, a Fire and Brimstone rav I knew.., please forgive me, but he butchered pshat in that ain lo chellek liolam habba mishna Yes dear reader you are  in for much beauty in the next world ; so stick around and "chap" even more schar in this world Naur Bismicha

If mass murderer David Berkowitz, and a rapper who raped, know G-d loves them ,then so can we all !

Every generation must have different "trumpets"

We grow up in a world where "cannibalism is ok" so to speak-  a sick perverse  time The trumpets have changed and they should  And maybe just maybe we all could hear the metophoric trumpets so to speak, if everyone would turn off the "SATANIC BLACK BOX"

I remember when rabbi Sheya Twerski wrote "Like Yourself and Others Will Too "

Know HAkadosh Bruch Hu's  love is UN -I repeat- UN conditional DONT BELIEVE THE MOTZE SHEIM RAH AGAINST YOUR HELEGE HIGHER POWER ; then you will get to like yourself be a better person and &happier yid … A DONT PUT INTENSE PRESSURE ON YOUSELF  DONT FOCUS ON THIS GEHENOM GARBAGE  This is a little tougher for you.. Turn off the TV and all the stuff which isnt good for you and making life less pleasant (But dont "gullt" albout it)

and you wont want to act out    Please honored reader, if you would send this to any and all of the wonderful  publications which I  mentioned that are guilty of ignoring how toxic pop culture is; I would be indebted and very honored G-d bless you and gantz klal Yisroel !!

Category: BEIS HAMEDRASH
18 Jul 2019 12:20

stillgoing

Re: My Journey
Hi Hope. Great to see you posting.
my two cents? After being active on gye for bout 6 years, being in sa and meeting and speaking to many s-x addicts and non-addicts, there are many in sa who would understand you, relate to your story And have actually "kicked the habit" too. Sounds like you have already progressed to the "heavy and hard" stuff,  going back is as easy as it sounds. I love gye, and I've gained tremendously from it, but for someone who already has a history of addiction, I don't think an  anonymous website is the safe way to go. Perhaps you've already gone to aa or na, but sa targets p&m, massage etc.. and you certainly won't be the only one like that. 

Best of luck whatever you do, and keep in touch
sg
Category: On the Way to 90-Days
17 Jul 2019 09:56

Singularity

Re: Its 2019 - access is everywhere
Hello Yid

Welcome! I hope your path to recovery is swift and fluid.

Don't worry, we're all struggling, you're quite normal.

So as a fellow 12-stepper I want to point out, where you say we learn to control our addiction, that's not how I see it. Quite the opposite: we realize we can't control it and the only way to get rid of it is to surrender it to the God of our understanding. How? Rigorous honesty, character defect housecleaning and the care of our loving Higher Power. So you won't figure out how to "control yourself" at a 12 step meeting.

That being said, do you feel you're addicted? Struggling for 20 years is a good starting point, but what is the severity of your behaviour, has it progressed, how frequent is it etc? Do you feel you can't manage your life?

Do you feel 12 steps are for you?
Category: Break Free
17 Jul 2019 05:23

i-man

Re: Its 2019 - access is everywhere
Yidyidyid wrote on 17 Jul 2019 01:09:
Hi all,
Here it goes....time to tell my whole story. Hopefully merely putting it into words will give me some strength and/or insight into my struggles. And hopefully others will have some insight to share as well...

Im in my early 30's, married, overall successful in my life endeavors. If you knew me, I think you'd think Im a regular, successful normal guy. However, Ive unfortunately been struggling with porn and mzl since childhood (maybe 10 years old). I have had streaks, on and off, good times and bad, but here I am 20 years later, still struggling. 
Long story short - I got involved with GYE about a year and half ago and it has been super helpful. It is nice to not be alone in this struggle and its helpful to share ideas and strategies. With the help of some people I met here, Ive had multiple nice streaks of 50-60 days...but inevitably I fall again. 
I have found that the best thing to get me to those 60 day streaks is to simply remove all access to open internet. Now this is very tricky in 2019 - internet is needed for job, school, banking etc etc. I installed good filters on all my computers at home as well as on my phone. However the phone thing always seemed to get me. Even with filter and all, spending so much time (unfortunately) with my phone would somehow allow me to find "loopholes" for getting around the filter. 

I finally came up with a pretty good plan: I deleted the internet app from my phone and just left my email app, WhatsApp, and any other apps that I felt I would need for work. This was perfect - I still technically had internet connection on my phone so I could stay up to date on my emails etc, but in practice I had no way to search for anything that I shouldn't be searching for. 
​I also had to do 1 more thing --- I went into the settings on my phone and removed the App Store (locked it up with a password that I dont know) so that I could not download an internet browser app (Firefox, safari etc) onto my phone. 
This was a good plan - and it worked for a while. 
​However recently, my work required me download a messaging app that all the employees use (similar to WhatsApp, but different app). I have discovered that this app has a "built-in" internet browser. In other words - even without safari, chrome, Firefox etc, I have been able to access internet straight through this messaging app. Needless to say, it has not been good for me. Im in a really bad place and need some help.

It is 2019 and Im beginning to worry that simply removing all access to the internet (the method that has been helpful for me over the past year) may simply not be feasible?
I am scared...I honestly dont think I can overcome this struggle as long as I have on the device in my pocket...

One final thought: my understanding is that people who do 12 step programs learn to control their addiction even when the material may be avaialble (as opposed to my recent method of trying to remove all access). Is that a true statement? 
Could it be time for me to join 12 step meetings and learn how to control myself...even with access sitting there in my pocket?

If you are still reading this...thanks...
any help is greatly appreciated.

Yid

Maybe take out the word "however" which makes it sound like because you view porn and masturbate you are somehow not a "regular successful normal guy " ...
Guess what - most of us here are probably "regular successful normal guys" like you said its 2019 the nisayon of lust is an enormous challenge and we unfortunately may have gotten caught in the trap , but we cant let that take away from who we are in fact that type of thinking usually perpetuates the problem, 
Good luck
Category: Break Free
17 Jul 2019 03:42

Joseph1

Re: Its 2019 - access is everywhere
Hi

I will just share from my experience 

I don't have a browser on my phone and I have the best filter on my computer but I acted out even without this 

I have started my sobriety here on guard your eyes by talking and sharing with people who are in SA program and i was sober for 119 days till I felt that to struggle my whole life without recovery even I am sober I still have my unmanageable life I am walking on the street and everything triggers me I have street lust I am just sitting in the office and I fill a urge to masturbate etc. 

So I called up my friend who is in the program and II went the next morning by the meeting in my area..... since then I started to see what life means..... people they had much more lower bottom than me are sober for so many years and I got so jealous of them and I am now attending life meetings almost every day and sometimes twice a day, I have a sponsor and starting to work on the 12 steps program what I hope this will safe my life like it saved others 

So my point is that by just blocking internet you can maybe stay sober for a while but it's not a happy joyous and freedom life

And now to your question if they're people and SA what they don't have any ffilter of the phone yes they're plenty and they are not acting out and they're not taking any action of lust by searching.. etc. But this should be the reason to enter 12 steps meetings I can almost promise you that you will not stay sober even in SA because you actually want to have a browser you're still in active addiction wanting to lust and just you dont want to be a שגץ and your thought telling you by having a unblocked phone you are a שגץ so you will enter SA and you will be allowed to have a open phone because there is people who don't have a filter and not acting out this is not the way to get sexually sober the only way to get sober is with a desire to stop lusting and to give up everything in your life just for the only reason to stay sober if you still have some thoughts in your mind before getting sober will the 12 steps not help you 


wishing you all the best 

keep up trucking and stay sober 

hod should show you the right way where and what you should go
Category: Break Free
17 Jul 2019 03:26

Shnitzel and kugel

Re: Its 2019 - access is everywhere
Yidyidyid wrote on 17 Jul 2019 01:09:
Hi all,
Here it goes....time to tell my whole story. Hopefully merely putting it into words will give me some strength and/or insight into my struggles. And hopefully others will have some insight to share as well...

Im in my early 30's, married, overall successful in my life endeavors. If you knew me, I think you'd think Im a regular, successful normal guy. However, Ive unfortunately been struggling with porn and mzl since childhood (maybe 10 years old). I have had streaks, on and off, good times and bad, but here I am 20 years later, still struggling. 
Long story short - I got involved with GYE about a year and half ago and it has been super helpful. It is nice to not be alone in this struggle and its helpful to share ideas and strategies. With the help of some people I met here, Ive had multiple nice streaks of 50-60 days...but inevitably I fall again. 
I have found that the best thing to get me to those 60 day streaks is to simply remove all access to open internet. Now this is very tricky in 2019 - internet is needed for job, school, banking etc etc. I installed good filters on all my computers at home as well as on my phone. However the phone thing always seemed to get me. Even with filter and all, spending so much time (unfortunately) with my phone would somehow allow me to find "loopholes" for getting around the filter. 

I finally came up with a pretty good plan: I deleted the internet app from my phone and just left my email app, WhatsApp, and any other apps that I felt I would need for work. This was perfect - I still technically had internet connection on my phone so I could stay up to date on my emails etc, but in practice I had no way to search for anything that I shouldn't be searching for. 
​I also had to do 1 more thing --- I went into the settings on my phone and removed the App Store (locked it up with a password that I dont know) so that I could not download an internet browser app (Firefox, safari etc) onto my phone. 
This was a good plan - and it worked for a while. 
​However recently, my work required me download a messaging app that all the employees use (similar to WhatsApp, but different app). I have discovered that this app has a "built-in" internet browser. In other words - even without safari, chrome, Firefox etc, I have been able to access internet straight through this messaging app. Needless to say, it has not been good for me. Im in a really bad place and need some help.

It is 2019 and Im beginning to worry that simply removing all access to the internet (the method that has been helpful for me over the past year) may simply not be feasible?
I am scared...I honestly dont think I can overcome this struggle as long as I have on the device in my pocket...

One final thought: my understanding is that people who do 12 step programs learn to control their addiction even when the material may be avaialble (as opposed to my recent method of trying to remove all access). Is that a true statement? 
Could it be time for me to join 12 step meetings and learn how to control myself...even with access sitting there in my pocket?

If you are still reading this...thanks...
any help is greatly appreciated.

Yid

It's definitely possible to stay clean even with open access, a pretty woman isn't lust, I'm just using her to feed my lust, if I've taken care of the lust inside me, then open internet won't make me start lusting.
Category: Break Free
17 Jul 2019 01:09

Yidyidyid

Its 2019 - access is everywhere
Hi all,
Here it goes....time to tell my whole story. Hopefully merely putting it into words will give me some strength and/or insight into my struggles. And hopefully others will have some insight to share as well...

Im in my early 30's, married, overall successful in my life endeavors. If you knew me, I think you'd think Im a regular, successful normal guy. However, Ive unfortunately been struggling with porn and mzl since childhood (maybe 10 years old). I have had streaks, on and off, good times and bad, but here I am 20 years later, still struggling. 
Long story short - I got involved with GYE about a year and half ago and it has been super helpful. It is nice to not be alone in this struggle and its helpful to share ideas and strategies. With the help of some people I met here, Ive had multiple nice streaks of 50-60 days...but inevitably I fall again. 
I have found that the best thing to get me to those 60 day streaks is to simply remove all access to open internet. Now this is very tricky in 2019 - internet is needed for job, school, banking etc etc. I installed good filters on all my computers at home as well as on my phone. However the phone thing always seemed to get me. Even with filter and all, spending so much time (unfortunately) with my phone would somehow allow me to find "loopholes" for getting around the filter. 

I finally came up with a pretty good plan: I deleted the internet app from my phone and just left my email app, WhatsApp, and any other apps that I felt I would need for work. This was perfect - I still technically had internet connection on my phone so I could stay up to date on my emails etc, but in practice I had no way to search for anything that I shouldn't be searching for. 
​I also had to do 1 more thing --- I went into the settings on my phone and removed the App Store (locked it up with a password that I dont know) so that I could not download an internet browser app (Firefox, safari etc) onto my phone. 
This was a good plan - and it worked for a while. 
​However recently, my work required me download a messaging app that all the employees use (similar to WhatsApp, but different app). I have discovered that this app has a "built-in" internet browser. In other words - even without safari, chrome, Firefox etc, I have been able to access internet straight through this messaging app. Needless to say, it has not been good for me. Im in a really bad place and need some help.

It is 2019 and Im beginning to worry that simply removing all access to the internet (the method that has been helpful for me over the past year) may simply not be feasible?
I am scared...I honestly dont think I can overcome this struggle as long as I have on the device in my pocket...

One final thought: my understanding is that people who do 12 step programs learn to control their addiction even when the material may be avaialble (as opposed to my recent method of trying to remove all access). Is that a true statement? 
Could it be time for me to join 12 step meetings and learn how to control myself...even with access sitting there in my pocket?

If you are still reading this...thanks...
any help is greatly appreciated.

Yid
Category: Break Free
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