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Its 2019 - access is everywhere
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: Its 2019 - access is everywhere 506 Views

Its 2019 - access is everywhere 17 Jul 2019 01:09 #342335

  • Yidyidyid
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Hi all,
Here it goes....time to tell my whole story. Hopefully merely putting it into words will give me some strength and/or insight into my struggles. And hopefully others will have some insight to share as well...

Im in my early 30's, married, overall successful in my life endeavors. If you knew me, I think you'd think Im a regular, successful normal guy. However, Ive unfortunately been struggling with porn and mzl since childhood (maybe 10 years old). I have had streaks, on and off, good times and bad, but here I am 20 years later, still struggling. 
Long story short - I got involved with GYE about a year and half ago and it has been super helpful. It is nice to not be alone in this struggle and its helpful to share ideas and strategies. With the help of some people I met here, Ive had multiple nice streaks of 50-60 days...but inevitably I fall again. 
I have found that the best thing to get me to those 60 day streaks is to simply remove all access to open internet. Now this is very tricky in 2019 - internet is needed for job, school, banking etc etc. I installed good filters on all my computers at home as well as on my phone. However the phone thing always seemed to get me. Even with filter and all, spending so much time (unfortunately) with my phone would somehow allow me to find "loopholes" for getting around the filter. 

I finally came up with a pretty good plan: I deleted the internet app from my phone and just left my email app, WhatsApp, and any other apps that I felt I would need for work. This was perfect - I still technically had internet connection on my phone so I could stay up to date on my emails etc, but in practice I had no way to search for anything that I shouldn't be searching for. 
​I also had to do 1 more thing --- I went into the settings on my phone and removed the App Store (locked it up with a password that I dont know) so that I could not download an internet browser app (Firefox, safari etc) onto my phone. 
This was a good plan - and it worked for a while. 
​However recently, my work required me download a messaging app that all the employees use (similar to WhatsApp, but different app). I have discovered that this app has a "built-in" internet browser. In other words - even without safari, chrome, Firefox etc, I have been able to access internet straight through this messaging app. Needless to say, it has not been good for me. Im in a really bad place and need some help.

It is 2019 and Im beginning to worry that simply removing all access to the internet (the method that has been helpful for me over the past year) may simply not be feasible?
I am scared...I honestly dont think I can overcome this struggle as long as I have on the device in my pocket...

One final thought: my understanding is that people who do 12 step programs learn to control their addiction even when the material may be avaialble (as opposed to my recent method of trying to remove all access). Is that a true statement? 
Could it be time for me to join 12 step meetings and learn how to control myself...even with access sitting there in my pocket?

If you are still reading this...thanks...
any help is greatly appreciated.

Yid
Last Edit: 17 Jul 2019 01:15 by Yidyidyid.

Re: Its 2019 - access is everywhere 17 Jul 2019 02:41 #342337

  • Tzvi5
  • Current streak: 1080 days
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  • Posts: 36
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HI yid I understand the struggle you're going through and I wish you siyaita dishmaya, in our times ways to access these inyanim are easy, and it's tough to overcome our inclination, I would suggest studying thoroughly about the concept that there is no other real existence but hashem, which the understanding of that, will refine the mind and heart, causing the inclination to be expressed less in your thoughts and passions.
One who cares about you for real.
Email aronieberger@gmail.com to find out how an ex sa member found serenity through Torah Study.

link to my story guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/339218-My-journey-to-sanity

Re: Its 2019 - access is everywhere 17 Jul 2019 03:26 #342339

Yidyidyid wrote on 17 Jul 2019 01:09:
Hi all,
Here it goes....time to tell my whole story. Hopefully merely putting it into words will give me some strength and/or insight into my struggles. And hopefully others will have some insight to share as well...

Im in my early 30's, married, overall successful in my life endeavors. If you knew me, I think you'd think Im a regular, successful normal guy. However, Ive unfortunately been struggling with porn and mzl since childhood (maybe 10 years old). I have had streaks, on and off, good times and bad, but here I am 20 years later, still struggling. 
Long story short - I got involved with GYE about a year and half ago and it has been super helpful. It is nice to not be alone in this struggle and its helpful to share ideas and strategies. With the help of some people I met here, Ive had multiple nice streaks of 50-60 days...but inevitably I fall again. 
I have found that the best thing to get me to those 60 day streaks is to simply remove all access to open internet. Now this is very tricky in 2019 - internet is needed for job, school, banking etc etc. I installed good filters on all my computers at home as well as on my phone. However the phone thing always seemed to get me. Even with filter and all, spending so much time (unfortunately) with my phone would somehow allow me to find "loopholes" for getting around the filter. 

I finally came up with a pretty good plan: I deleted the internet app from my phone and just left my email app, WhatsApp, and any other apps that I felt I would need for work. This was perfect - I still technically had internet connection on my phone so I could stay up to date on my emails etc, but in practice I had no way to search for anything that I shouldn't be searching for. 
​I also had to do 1 more thing --- I went into the settings on my phone and removed the App Store (locked it up with a password that I dont know) so that I could not download an internet browser app (Firefox, safari etc) onto my phone. 
This was a good plan - and it worked for a while. 
​However recently, my work required me download a messaging app that all the employees use (similar to WhatsApp, but different app). I have discovered that this app has a "built-in" internet browser. In other words - even without safari, chrome, Firefox etc, I have been able to access internet straight through this messaging app. Needless to say, it has not been good for me. Im in a really bad place and need some help.

It is 2019 and Im beginning to worry that simply removing all access to the internet (the method that has been helpful for me over the past year) may simply not be feasible?
I am scared...I honestly dont think I can overcome this struggle as long as I have on the device in my pocket...

One final thought: my understanding is that people who do 12 step programs learn to control their addiction even when the material may be avaialble (as opposed to my recent method of trying to remove all access). Is that a true statement? 
Could it be time for me to join 12 step meetings and learn how to control myself...even with access sitting there in my pocket?

If you are still reading this...thanks...
any help is greatly appreciated.

Yid

It's definitely possible to stay clean even with open access, a pretty woman isn't lust, I'm just using her to feed my lust, if I've taken care of the lust inside me, then open internet won't make me start lusting.
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: Its 2019 - access is everywhere 17 Jul 2019 03:42 #342340

  • Joseph1
  • Current streak: 189 days
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Hi

I will just share from my experience 

I don't have a browser on my phone and I have the best filter on my computer but I acted out even without this 

I have started my sobriety here on guard your eyes by talking and sharing with people who are in SA program and i was sober for 119 days till I felt that to struggle my whole life without recovery even I am sober I still have my unmanageable life I am walking on the street and everything triggers me I have street lust I am just sitting in the office and I fill a urge to masturbate etc. 

So I called up my friend who is in the program and II went the next morning by the meeting in my area..... since then I started to see what life means..... people they had much more lower bottom than me are sober for so many years and I got so jealous of them and I am now attending life meetings almost every day and sometimes twice a day, I have a sponsor and starting to work on the 12 steps program what I hope this will safe my life like it saved others 

So my point is that by just blocking internet you can maybe stay sober for a while but it's not a happy joyous and freedom life

And now to your question if they're people and SA what they don't have any ffilter of the phone yes they're plenty and they are not acting out and they're not taking any action of lust by searching.. etc. But this should be the reason to enter 12 steps meetings I can almost promise you that you will not stay sober even in SA because you actually want to have a browser you're still in active addiction wanting to lust and just you dont want to be a שגץ and your thought telling you by having a unblocked phone you are a שגץ so you will enter SA and you will be allowed to have a open phone because there is people who don't have a filter and not acting out this is not the way to get sexually sober the only way to get sober is with a desire to stop lusting and to give up everything in your life just for the only reason to stay sober if you still have some thoughts in your mind before getting sober will the 12 steps not help you 


wishing you all the best 

keep up trucking and stay sober 

hod should show you the right way where and what you should go
Last Edit: 17 Jul 2019 03:44 by Joseph1.

Re: Its 2019 - access is everywhere 17 Jul 2019 05:23 #342341

  • i-man
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Yidyidyid wrote on 17 Jul 2019 01:09:
Hi all,
Here it goes....time to tell my whole story. Hopefully merely putting it into words will give me some strength and/or insight into my struggles. And hopefully others will have some insight to share as well...

Im in my early 30's, married, overall successful in my life endeavors. If you knew me, I think you'd think Im a regular, successful normal guy. However, Ive unfortunately been struggling with porn and mzl since childhood (maybe 10 years old). I have had streaks, on and off, good times and bad, but here I am 20 years later, still struggling. 
Long story short - I got involved with GYE about a year and half ago and it has been super helpful. It is nice to not be alone in this struggle and its helpful to share ideas and strategies. With the help of some people I met here, Ive had multiple nice streaks of 50-60 days...but inevitably I fall again. 
I have found that the best thing to get me to those 60 day streaks is to simply remove all access to open internet. Now this is very tricky in 2019 - internet is needed for job, school, banking etc etc. I installed good filters on all my computers at home as well as on my phone. However the phone thing always seemed to get me. Even with filter and all, spending so much time (unfortunately) with my phone would somehow allow me to find "loopholes" for getting around the filter. 

I finally came up with a pretty good plan: I deleted the internet app from my phone and just left my email app, WhatsApp, and any other apps that I felt I would need for work. This was perfect - I still technically had internet connection on my phone so I could stay up to date on my emails etc, but in practice I had no way to search for anything that I shouldn't be searching for. 
​I also had to do 1 more thing --- I went into the settings on my phone and removed the App Store (locked it up with a password that I dont know) so that I could not download an internet browser app (Firefox, safari etc) onto my phone. 
This was a good plan - and it worked for a while. 
​However recently, my work required me download a messaging app that all the employees use (similar to WhatsApp, but different app). I have discovered that this app has a "built-in" internet browser. In other words - even without safari, chrome, Firefox etc, I have been able to access internet straight through this messaging app. Needless to say, it has not been good for me. Im in a really bad place and need some help.

It is 2019 and Im beginning to worry that simply removing all access to the internet (the method that has been helpful for me over the past year) may simply not be feasible?
I am scared...I honestly dont think I can overcome this struggle as long as I have on the device in my pocket...

One final thought: my understanding is that people who do 12 step programs learn to control their addiction even when the material may be avaialble (as opposed to my recent method of trying to remove all access). Is that a true statement? 
Could it be time for me to join 12 step meetings and learn how to control myself...even with access sitting there in my pocket?

If you are still reading this...thanks...
any help is greatly appreciated.

Yid

Maybe take out the word "however" which makes it sound like because you view porn and masturbate you are somehow not a "regular successful normal guy " ...
Guess what - most of us here are probably "regular successful normal guys" like you said its 2019 the nisayon of lust is an enormous challenge and we unfortunately may have gotten caught in the trap , but we cant let that take away from who we are in fact that type of thinking usually perpetuates the problem, 
Good luck

Re: Its 2019 - access is everywhere 17 Jul 2019 09:56 #342344

  • Singularity
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Hello Yid

Welcome! I hope your path to recovery is swift and fluid.

Don't worry, we're all struggling, you're quite normal.

So as a fellow 12-stepper I want to point out, where you say we learn to control our addiction, that's not how I see it. Quite the opposite: we realize we can't control it and the only way to get rid of it is to surrender it to the God of our understanding. How? Rigorous honesty, character defect housecleaning and the care of our loving Higher Power. So you won't figure out how to "control yourself" at a 12 step meeting.

That being said, do you feel you're addicted? Struggling for 20 years is a good starting point, but what is the severity of your behaviour, has it progressed, how frequent is it etc? Do you feel you can't manage your life?

Do you feel 12 steps are for you?
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

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Re: Its 2019 - access is everywhere 17 Jul 2019 10:23 #342346

  • Onceandforall
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Yidyidyid wrote on 17 Jul 2019 01:09:
Hi all,

​However recently, my work required me download a messaging app that all the employees use (similar to WhatsApp, but different app). I have discovered that this app has a "built-in" internet browser. In other words - even without safari, chrome, Firefox etc, I have been able to access internet straight through this messaging app. Needless to say, it has not been good for me. Im in a really bad place and need some help.

It is 2019 and Im beginning to worry that simply removing all access to the internet (the method that has been helpful for me over the past year) may simply not be feasible?
I am scared...I honestly dont think I can overcome this struggle as long as I have on the device in my pocket...



I cannot speak to the 12 steps- but the others responders really know this stuff and talk to them in depth. I just wanted to point out that you could and should go to a TAG office and get gentech which can block everything and give you apps you need while still filtering those in app browsers or disabling completely. It’s really customizable!!

good luck - and welcome!

Re: Its 2019 - access is everywhere 17 Jul 2019 18:22 #342356

  • David26fr
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Filtering all Internet access is a mandatory... But this isn't the ultimate solution to get the sobriety.
The solution is to identify the triggers - apart Internet - and work on them, make a program, go to meetings, etc...


My example : my main triggers are anger, stress, tiredness...

If they are present, and they are taking control of me, and I am in a front of unfiltered Internet at this moment... I am in a very hazardous situation

But if I am feeling good, to be in front of unfiltered Internet will not be an immediat problem, and the probability of a fall at this moment will be more lower (but I have to keep in mind to avoid unfiltered Internet in any situation, for sure...)

Re: Its 2019 - access is everywhere 21 Jul 2019 05:24 #342428

  • Workingguy
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I hear your question very well, and wonder the same thing- there are so many backdooes to the internet these days. But I think having an open browser through an app is open internet, and you can’t have that- whether some can learn to control it or not.

And some people are more impulsive than others and will struggle terribly with this, while others won’t.

TAG and especially Gentech can help you work this out no problem. 
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