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21 Jul 2020 03:47
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Realestatemogul
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229. This is tough stuff - but BH we are still staying strong.
I want to remind myself for a second why I spend so much effort on this whole thing...
1) We are here for just a short while and after that we go somewhere else....
2) I want my time in the next world to be super special
3) Any unallowable "pleasure" I get in this world will take away from my place in the next world.
4) Lust takes away my ability to get closer to Hashem
5) Addiction is destructive
6) Lust inhibits my ability to have healthy relationships with others
Thats enough for now. I think I am convinced!
Thanks for listening
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20 Jul 2020 20:11
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Im Tevakshena Kakasef
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Whoo, Grant, seems your doing great.
I also used to struggle with movies and TV shows. I could binge watch half a season a day, it was crazy. Going to yeshiva where I had long periods of no acs essto movies helped me kick the habit. I only occasionally get a pang of 'oh I wanna watch that show' nowadays, baruch Hashem.
What I'm saying is, in a funny way, this was a fight I never really had to wage. I just watched movies, went to yeshiva, and then I didn't. But I know that many times back when I did watch I wanted to quit, but I never had the guts. Never had the willpower. So you've no idea how much I respect you and your courage in breaking this addiction.
Have you thought about reading some biographies of tzaddikim etc? They can be quite lighthearted and fun, and whilst maybe not as well written as some of the goyshe ones, they can be quite inspiring. And I've heard the jewish book 'vanqueshing the dragon' is also good, but I've never read it myself.
Anyway, keep up inspiring me as you always do.
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20 Jul 2020 02:15
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Grant400
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For me this is one of the hardest things. Its EVERYWHERE! I only recently put my foot down (I almost didn't even realize I was doing it) regarding this particular issue. I remember like a month ago when I decided I needed to change in was sitting in my car thinking to myself how it just isn't possible at all and it's too hard! It did get a little easier after a week or two because I wasn't only fighting temptation but also a really strong habit, for years I trained myself that when I see a woman immediately my mind dissects the body and grades each part  But once I broke the habit it wasn't as impossible. Don't get me wrong it's still excruciating! I still fail many times a day, I repeat many, but the times that I succeed I feel awesome. Also I don't have to deal with the side effects of indulging in eye candy...for example....when it would cause fantasizing which could eventually lead to acting out chsv"sh.
@90daysforever. The problem with stopping p & m but still ogling women isn't that it's not physically possible but rather that instead of curing yourself from the root of the problem i.e. lust and addiction you are just treating the symptoms.
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19 Jul 2020 22:23
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KoachCheshvan
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Last night and parts of today, I have been feeling the "twinge" of PMO temptation. It was of the strength and type that would have normally overtaken me, but b"h, I was able to keep aware:
1). That the temptation with associated "thought track" was a manifestation of my addicted brain wanting to get its fix.
2). That to entertain ANY curiosity regarding the temptation was essentially assenting to it. (e.g.: seeing if I had any questionable pictures left on my computer or phone).
3). That I really didn't want to succumb and I would feel terrible later if I had succumbed and I would have to update here to say that I had a fall. I don't want to do that.
There has been an on-and-off twinge today and I am anticipating some rough days ahead. That is how it usually is. When I resist the temptation, it lingers for a bit.
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18 Jul 2020 00:03
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zookeeper
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I will not tell you the reason why I feel this way because to do so would be to give instruction on how to access p*rnography on a forum for people who struggle with an addiction to it.
If you will PM the email address of your spouse or rabbi or anybody who does not struggle with this issue I will email him or her the reason why I say this, and he or she, after verifying it, will say that I am absolutely correct in this assesment.
Good and clean Shabbos to you!
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17 Jul 2020 18:35
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my real name is chaim
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Hi all,
IMO I would like to call attention to the name of the topic "Uncomfortable feeling", that all:- this is NOT a medical or health issue, it seems somehow the word "urologist" caused a whole tumult on the medical necessity to release sperm. but if i am quoting correctly all the doctor said was "only way to get rid of discomfort is to m." the equivalent would be if I had an itchy spider bite and urologist told me the only way to relieve the discomfort is to itch it.
I know I'm kinda going on and on- but it's because when my addict brain see's "a urologist said I should m". it takes it as - "oh! my! I had better listen quickly." Ha!
Now as to the actual question as I understand it. how to relieve this discomfort, first off- I'm sorry but in my experience there is no comfortable way to go through withdrawal, [if there was we probably would not need this website] "being comfortable being uncomfortable" is the name of the game, and initial discomfort is just par for the course. I personally am feeling very uncomfortable right now, due to withdrawal from a different addiction- so that's why I am here, helps me feel more comfortable with my discomfort by getting out of my own head- and my own little "BIG" problems. TYFLMS.
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17 Jul 2020 01:51
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iwillnevergiveup
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There is tremendous enjoyment and a sense of fulfillment you get through Torah and Mitzvos.
Falling in these areas destroy the desire to do this. Subsequently you will not feel any accomplishment in your Yiddishkeit.
It may take a long while to truly overcome the addiction. However to this point I can promise you that even after a short period of time (and like you posted about your three day mark ..feeling) that there’s amazing feeling of accomplishment from controlling yourself and there’s an amazing enjoyment in doing the things that really make you who you are.
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16 Jul 2020 19:43
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KoachCheshvan
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I have had a related question at times regarding how the body naturally functions when not m, and I am afraid that my experience in this matter is skewed by a brain that is addicted to PMO. The very first time I tried to remain abstinent from PMO, I was for about 120 days, (which was definitely b"h!) I think it was on or around day 90 that I had a n.e. during a dream and I was worried that it would lead me to act out but it didn't and I was able to move forward with no problem.
I always thought that n.e. is the body's natural way of getting rid of excess semen, and that one didn't need to do m. or s.i. for that matter.
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16 Jul 2020 15:22
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Dave M
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Grant400 wrote on 12 Jul 2020 13:59:
A few days ago I started a topic in the balei batims forum about how I'm addicted to regular movies. How it takes up way too much time like sometimes till 5am. How I adore them in an almost worshipful manner. How it takes up too much of me.
Well I've just had a rude awakening. You see what I've also struggled with only a few times in the past was exploring regular Hollywood movies that had inappropriate content like nudity...nothing to graphic but enough to get aroused. I have only done this a few times. It only happened on rare occasions and I always got it in check with tricks or a knas etc. I completely got passed it and stopped and haven't done it in like 2 months. And during those months I grew immensely in shmiras einayim in all aspects. I was convinced that I was safe. So the only problem was just my addiction to movies.
Lo and behold out of the blue last night I fell so completely unexpectedly. This led me to view a few inappropriate pictures too. Nothing crazy just something I thought I conquered. Oh well now I really gotta kick my movie habit if it leads to this. I am resetting my 90 day count and will iyh try to stop movies all together. Still gonna watch clean comedy with wife but no more movies by myself unsupervised and at all hours. So my 90 day count will be in regard to movies, viewing inappropriate material and HZ"L (not really a problem but another geder wont hurt). I'm posting here to hold myself accountable.
This is something I completely relate too. Even when I start my clean streak from P&M, I was still watching "clean" moves and shows. However, I realized that this was only making the fight much harder. Based on something someone posted last summer, I finally admitted to myself that I needed to stop the movies too. Since then the fight has gotten easier. I know its hard to let go of movies. But one needs to be honest with himself. In the long run, he'll be happier. The fight is hard as it is. Why do we need to making harder?
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16 Jul 2020 13:51
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MenachemGYE
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GYE volunteer Allan Katz just pushed a new book about sex & porn addiction called "Hey! What about Me".
"In this book I will refer to this sense of slavery as “ addiction,” while presenting the character traits needed to extinguish “these defects of character” as described in the 12-step programs. Plus you'll read actual case studies of porn addicts and how they overcame their addiction."
You'll Discover
- Rabbi Samson R. Hirsch's secret to overcoming lust
- What happens when we let religiosity get in the way of recovery
- The opposite of love is not hate, it's.....
- How shame erodes joy and hope
- Is your addiction causing you to fear success?
- The huge difference between sobrity and serenity
- The Rambam's "cure" for negative character traits
- How to rebuild trust in a betrayed relationship
- Why we allow people to annoy us
- How to trust a Higher Power, yourself and others
- What is necessary to heal and change the direction of your life?
- What sex addiction is really about. The answer will surprise you.
- The 3 blocks to intimacy learned from childhood
- The 6 essential skills you must exercise when crisis occurs (and it will occur!)
- How to find passion in life
- How to free yourself from the bondage of the self.
Allan J. Katz is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. He has a master’s degree in Rehabilitation Counseling from the University of Memphis. He sees individuals and couples struggling with sex, drug and alcohol addiction, porn addiction, internet addiction and gambling addiction as well as depression, anxiety, trauma and couples for healthy intimacy and communication issues.
Allan originated the GYE hotline and first phone group back in 2009 and continues to help GYE members who struggle with marital issues related to Shmiras Eiynaim.
Allan is the author of three books, Addictive Entrepreneurship dealing with the 13 secrets to a successful life as an entrepreneur and Experiential Group Therapy Interventions with DBT: A 30-day program for treating addictions and trauma. He is the co-author of Help Her Heal: An empathy workbook for sex addicts to help their partners heal.
***
The world over, millions of people live lives of self-imposed slavery. Allan Katz has the key in his new book, HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME? and offers readers, time-tested solutions toward true freedom and emotional integrity. Break free from frenzied obsessions and compulsions and the robotic quest for immediate gratification and enjoy a new quality of life. David Lieberman, PhD, author of “Seek Peace and Pursue It,” “You Can Read Anyone,” “Real Power,” and “How Free Will Works: The Blueprints to Take Charge of Your Life, Health & Happiness.”
It wasn't that long ago that most people made light of the increasing amount of time people were spending on social media. Those who expressed concern were dismissed as old-fashioned people who were having difficulty adjusting to new technology. Likewise, there was a consensus among most therapists and educators that on-line pornography was harmless. In their eyes, it was only a concern for religious extremists.
In recent times the consensus has changed dramatically. More and more articles have appeared in professional journals raising the alarm of addiction to social media in general and pornography in particular. Therapists began seeing the havoc caused by these “harmless” pastimes. Digital life was becoming a substitute for real relationships. Sex therapists have conceded that pornography was not harmless at all; rather it was undermining the healthy sexuality necessary for sustaining an adult relationship.
The author is to be commended for writing such a clear and enlightening book that both highlights the dangers of addiction and points the way to solutions.
The book presents a wide array of 12-step & DBT based tools and techniques for dealing with these addictions. The suggestions are jargon-free, practical and without pretending it’s easy to implement. The book is hopeful without sugar-coating the challenges involved.
I highly recommend the book for those struggling with these issues and perhaps equally important, for those seeking preventive measures to avoid falling into the lure of addiction.
Ben Z. Sorotzkin, PsyD, Clinical Psychologist, New York
Allan J. Katz calls addiction “slavery to a substance, process or behavior.” Anyone who has dealt with any type of addiction knows this is true. The question is how we find freedom from this enslavement. The journey can be harrowing, exciting, and frightening all at once. Katz chronicles this journey, helping readers see that no matter what, it is always worth the effort.
Robert Weiss PhD, LCSW, Chief Clinical Officer at Seeking Integrity treatment centers, author of Prodependence, Sex Addiction 101, and Out of the Doghouse.
Available as paperback or ebook at http://mailchi.mp/allanjkatz/ztm0vcbin4.
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16 Jul 2020 03:25
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NathanfromNY
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Yes, there is something powerful/empowering knowing that you are not alone. I would think that its safe to say that everyone has engaged in this act at some point or another in their youth. (especially now when we live in a society that knows so much and are exposed to so much) However I don't know if there would ever be a way to know statistically how often. The Key thing for you, is that you are making an active mission to control this addiction.
Personally, I thought that it was only me and that I had some serious perversion. It wasn't until I was in my late teens did I realize that there were others and for some it is a phase to go through.
Keep strong and hopefully you will find your besheret soon and have a healthy outlet to engage in and not to rely on self stimulation. Be cautious and forewarned that it won't be a 100% guarantee that you will be proyected, but it will hopefully make it easier.
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15 Jul 2020 23:34
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Iampowerless
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Hey everyone hope everyone is doing awesome,
B'h we started last week live SMART Recovery meetings in Lakewood every sunday from 8:30-9:30 PM
Please send an email to smartlakewood@guardyoureyes.com to join and get the meeting location.
Last week we discussed the following topics "where do i start" "Understanding addictive behaviors" as well as "the problem of immediate gratification (The PIG's method).
This coming sunday we will discuss "Understanding recovery" "abstinance vs moderation" as well as the "stages of change" We are also happy to announce that we now have our very own website filled with great articles and tools to help you while participating in SMART Recovery meetings check it out at smartrecoverylakewood.org/
If you have any questions feel free to send me an email to smartlakewood@guardyoureyes.org
Looking forward to greeting you in person!
Your friend Yankel
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15 Jul 2020 02:35
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KoachCheshvan
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Tonight marks the 13th day of shemiras habris:
I had an interesting experience and insight into my own journey for gender wholeness. I was thinking about the whole notion of gender wholeness, my lack of it, and never really being affirmed as a boy or as a man. I have in my music collection the Superman theme song, which I usually play when I want to move a little faster. Today was one of those days when I needed to move a little quicker and so I was playing it.
As I was playing it, my mind was "in the zone", it was like I was Superman. And when I was a child, that is exactly want I would imagine and pretend, just as I was doing today. It hit me that this childhood pretending and my current pretending were the boy wanting to mimic the man. Superman more than any other character that I connected with is maleness in its most unadulterated, noble form. Someone who is super-strong, has super powers and yet uses those powers for the benefit of mankind. That's the man I want to be! There are many visceral reactions that I have to stimuli that are negative but hearing the Superman theme song is one of the childhood visceral reactions that have a positive effect. I am going to explore this further and see if maybe Superman can help me overcome my addictions.
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15 Jul 2020 01:29
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90days4ever
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Welcome aboard our board!!
I'm hoping some other people will also join our group. Time will tell. Meanwhile I'm working on quiting porn and masturbation, holding by day 36 my aim to arrive at yom neroim clean..
It must be very hard to quit watching movies they are designed to be so pulling and addictive. Hatzlocha with your goal
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14 Jul 2020 15:00
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Grant400
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Great idea! Thank you!
Websters dictionary:
Teamwork- Work done by several associates with each doing a part, but all subordinating personal prominence to the efficiency of the whole.
Meaning if one falls it effects all. Great accountability strategy. That ought to give us another kick in the pants. Honored to be a part.
I am on day 3 of my new count. My goal is not only to be clean in kedusha inyanim but to break my addiction to regular Hollywood movies which kept me awake till 3am or even 5am sometimes (or more often then I care to admit). I started to get up earlier so I will be tired earlier and be able to sleep instead of being wide awake and using just willpower to abstain from movies. So far so good. I feel much better and more in control of my life.
. Grant
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