I would like to clarify something. I am sure this is something that has been chewed over countless times here on GYE,but please indulge me and allow me to have some chewing time too.
Can someone please clarify what is the definition of an addiction? When is a behavior considered to be an addiction? Regarding our shared struggles here on GYE, Obviously every frum man has this struggle to a certain extent. Every person has a Yetzer Hara for Arayos etc and todays world is full of temptations. So, if someone falls in his nisyonos is he called addicted? Is it a certain amount of times that he falls to considered addicted? Furthermore,does it really make a difference if the term addicted is applicable or not? It is a struggle and it has to be worked on in whichever way works as long as it conforms halachicly and hashkaficly for that person. Or no, maybe there is a very different way to treat an addict and someone else and perhaps it would even be harmful to do otherwise? 
Any thoughts are welcome.
Thanks!

Whoa didnt expect such a response haha. Thank you.
what makes me happy, well i just entered a yeshiva as a bochur for the first time, 3 months in and im happy about it.
im single, not dating yet. Feels like its not the right time since i cant get my desires under control. Dont want to make my potential spouse suffer cause of my addiction. 
God willing that i will grow and conquer this challenge with the help of everyone in gye.
happy channukah 

Just wanted to say hello, never did this sort of thing before. Well here i am doing something i never did before, hopefully it will become something that will end up becoming my lifeline. i started at the age of 13, becoming a porn and masturbating addict. i grew up not religious so i never gave it a second thought to what i was doing. and now 12 years later, at the age of 25, i'm still continuing this disgraceful act. I am shomer shabbat for 3 years already and currently trying to keep growing in my yiddishkite. But i have a feeling that this addiction is holding me back from what i can do. 

I have attempted to take precautions, like filter and not associating myself with women and trying to not look at women when i am walking outside... and i learn torah as well, which is the only antidote to the poison that ive taken. But even with all that ive done,i still find myself going back to my old ways, finding a device and doing my misdeeds... i can put a filter on everything but my brain. The thoughts that i keep getting make it much harder... But with all that ive done in a span of 12 years, having a mind like this is normal. I just need to spend time away from the bad stuff and my mind will hopefully return to normal.

So i'm here, trying to find new ways to get myself  removed from the never ending chain that ive got myself involved in. Looking for another method, another salvation, a permanent salvation. 

I have not spoken to anyone about this matter, to anyone close to me, because they are human and humans that you associate with will naturally judge you unless they know what youre going through due to experience and such. But i've heard that one of the ways to break free is by having someone to talk to and by speaking to them and them rooting for you. By have such a person, your willpower will grow much more due to reasons that you dont want the one that is rooting for you, the one that wants you to change for the better, the one that doesnt want you to suffer anymore, you don't want this person to be let down, so thats what i'm going to attempt, by being here. 

i need a way to remove myself from the clutches that satan has me in. i know i can do it. Even though everyday is a new battle, and even though everyday i seem to keep failing every battle that i find myself in, even then.... i hope to one day succeed permanently. 

I am in your hands. thank you for listening to what i have to say... i dont know if i did this correctly, thank you. and feel free to say to me what exactly i am, what it is i need to be, do, act, and so on.

Hey GYE!

Sooo....I am proud to say that I made it 362 days!!! WOW! What an accomplishment! ))

Now for a bit of honesty and reflection - I fell at 362 days and the higher a person is the harder the "potential" fall. I say potential because we don't need to fall hard just because we had a little slip. However, the truth is I was very very sad and down after my fall. While I knew that in the long term I would still continue on the trek of shmiras habris, I felt very defeated for the short term and was worried that it may take several weeks before I got back on the horse. BH for good mentors and partners. HHM really gave me a good smack and reminded me of my HUGE accomplishment! We made a l'chayim on the simcha of reaching 362 days and I was able to focus on the positive and realize how far I had come. I was no longer a p$#n addict or someone entrenched in mz''l issues. I am on a mountain very high up and still way ahead of my a year ago self. While the count is helpful and important, this was NOT going to be same day 1 I had counted 362 days ago. This was a day 1 of a healthier individual and someone who put the garbage behind him. I WILL pick myself back up and continue going forward and not let the y''h get me down. ))

I also thought it would be prudent to give myself the same lessons I believe in so much I share with other people on their falls. So I am reposting to myself some of the chizzuk I have given others:

I am in awe of you that you are able to come so quickly and post after falling past 150 days. I know it isn't easy to admit defeat, but maybe you are smart enough to realize that you have only had success! 

You have quite alot to be proud of and don't ever look back at the fall only the amount of days you were clean! You may have fell but you landed 150 days higher than when you first started! 

I promise the journey forward now will be easier and this was a huge stepping stone! (You can check my thread to see my progression...)

Sheva Yipol TZADIK, Vkam! Keep up the great work TZADIK! 

Wow, you had a really solid streak and I am sure that is going to really give you a strong foundation for your next one! Also, huge kudos to you for not looking at porn. That is already 75% of the battle. For me once I filtered up and was able to say no to P-n the rest of the journey was much easier. 

Congrats on getting right back up!! Today is the first day of the rest of your life! 

Sheva Yipol Tzadik, VKAM. 

We are rooting for you and you can do it!!! 

SHEVA yipol tzadik vkam. Good people FALL more than once and that itself is how we grow to great heights! 

I am no at 270 days clean and my last streak was 272...BUT I fell in between MANY times....Don't be down about a fall even if you had one back to back. KNOW that Hashem wants you to succeed and that you have the ability to do so! Seva Yipol Tzadik...VKAM. If you keep giving it your best, then eventually you WILL get back up. 

Hatzlacha!!!

Kudos to you for getting back on here after such a fall! So many people throw in the towel after the first fall, and the reality is that is the most crucial moment! Sheva Yipol tzadik v'kam! 

I hit 272 days and then fell for a few weeks...Right now I am only about 40 days from getting back to 272 days again and it is all credit to the attitude of just giving it my best every time and not focusing on the falls. 

Hey Snowflake!

Sheva Yipol Tzadik V'KAM. The action of coming back to GYE and setting up a filter, after falling and leaving GYE, is so wonderful and inspiring! Reish Lakish was a bandit and thief and when he accepted to learn torah, he was all of a sudden weaker and lost strength to do things that only seconds earlier where possible. For good things it is certainly much more powerful! You may have just committed to doing better, but that commitment is so powerful and gives you a tremendous amount of strength to fight this battle! 

Someone who shows his desire to be pure, Hashem purifies him!

As crazy as it sounds, you are reminding me of memories thinking that I fell so bad I was too embarrassed to post. I really didn't want to post another zero days....

However, now I look back at that and it gives me joy! It was such an important step and how I am here today at 140 days. So many people try this once and when they hit zero they never come back. Many people who used GYE successful are the ones who said, "I fell but I am going to start at zero again and go forward!"

You did something heroic when you came back on and said I am going to try again and keep going! You may not be on the level now to appreciate it, but as soon as you get out of the mud and clean yourself up, you will realize how picking yourself back up was actually incredibly special. 

If you would only see Hashem's smile from you picking yourself back up after your fall, you would surely go another 33 days with ease!!!

Hashem loves every success and if you just do the best you can, you will see tremendous results!! 

Ok, I've been here before and I've even been clean for awhile and then I fell again and again. This RH YK time I thought I really grew. I had this stuff working for awhile. Of course, I fell again.
A lot of things bother me and I'm sure it's not just me but I'm going to rant because I need to get it off my chest.
I'm a known personality in the mental health world. This is my expertise and all and yet I have never been brave enough to meet a therapist and work it through which is messed up. I "know" soo many things in theory but yet I don't do it. 
And yet I'm the well known professional that guides thousands. What a loser.
I don't want pity I can't stand it. I don't want chizuk. I don't know what I want but it's not that. 
After all my years in the mental health world I'm not a big believer in the 12 steps. Sure it works for so many people but the idea that we remain addicts throughout life doesn't fit the way mental health works and doesn't make sense. Yet, that's what it's about. I can go on and on.
But I know it works for so many so who cares anyway. Just do it. Yet, I can't. Maybe I can't accept the idea that I'm not in control. That's definitely what 12 step believers and other therapists will tell me...
Who cares anyway. I don't know.
So why am I here? For two reasons.
1- I have to do my part and every moment is a new struggle. Every time I win it's huge so I'm here to do my part.
2- Theres an amazing Rabbeinu Yona in Mishlei that says that if we continuously try we can trust that G-d will help us overcome in the long run. I don't have it offhand, but if anyone wants it let me know and I'll bln try to find it.

So here I am after another fall deciding to try for 90 days. If nothing else, it's the right thing and at this moment I am trying and however much darkness I have done, the light of this action still shines.

This is the same concept discussed by addictions. That if someone is addicted to doing a particular aveira, then they may be considered as not having bechira and won’t get punished for it.
Now, obviously there’s punishment for the times when one chose to do it. But a person with a severe addiction who does things (like gambling,pornography etc) compulsively May not be subject to the discussion of Schar v’Onesh.

Obviously we must try our hardest to use our bechira. I’m just bringing out a point

Uriel wrote on 11 Dec 2020 09:04:

First off, congrads on your first post, it's an honor to have it on my thread! Maybe start you own thread where you can share your own journey.

Now to your post;


Not super comforting... I have no intention of dying anytime soon and that isn't what freaks me out. Honestly, I don't give a darn if I die clean or not, I care about whether I fulfilled my purpose and for me, right now that purpose is progress. As long as I am growing, I am not sure it makes much of a difference if the Malach Hamaves catches me on the wrong day in between two streaks that consist of the majority of my life. 

I would only be nervous if they do an autopsy and discover something, oh my poor family...

I don't think dying a righteous hero has anything to do with being this fight and I really try not to think too much about dying altogether for that matter.

Thanks though for your support I just don't relate that much to the whole dying thing.

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup

*1ST* One thing I know; if we keep on trying Hashem will have mercy and let us Die as a righteous Hero in our clean seasons. If we keep at it Hashem is so good that He will not let the Malack HaMavet visit us when we have a "fall" but rather in our kedusha time. The longer we're clean the better. And we're not constantly failing but constantly succeeding. B'H

*2ND* I used to be addicted to weed. One of those many "clean periods" became a "forever clean period". It's been 18 years now B'H....HASHEM will make the same with this addiction. How hard is it for Hashem? I just have to keep at it.

I owe General Grant an update. He came through on my challenge, So I need to fulfill my side of the challenge.I've been on GYE for ages and I'm still struggling. I think I will struggle all my life with some aspects of this challenge. אדם לעמל יולד.

I don't consider myself an addict, I think I only act out when stressed or feeling down about something. At a young age I was introduced to sex by a classmate and I got used to acting out as an escape from reality.

Over the years, I've been in contact with a lot of great people here. A special call-out to Markz who got me to make that first phone call. Unfortunately I am by nature a loner and have fallen out of touch with a lot of you guys. I thank one specific person for keeping me in touch and reminding me when I fall out of contact. (You know who you are...)

My biggest issue which bothers me, is the fact that I don't have a repulsion to porn. I got too used to it that it doesn't awaken in me a feeling of disgust. It doesn't really affect my life either. It is hard for me to hit my rock bottom.

I'm working on resolving the underlying factors so that I shouldn't need to hit rock bottom. One of the biggest things that has helped me in the past was working on my emunah that Hashem leads my life and everything He does is for the best. I need to step back and let Hashem drive.

As some of you are aware, I'm a tech geek. Filters haven't helped me in the past. When I'm in a healthy place, it doesn't cross my mind to search for anything arousing even with full access. However, when I'm not doing well, then even a filtered flip phone is a problem.

I have taken on myself BL"N to try to not go on to youtube or social media, and to refrain in general from random browsing. BH I'm enough busy at work that I usually don't have time for it anyways. But that is also part of the problem. I'm not so good at having a proper work\life balance and can get stressed out from the stresses of the job, and then I seek to escape.
There was a period of time (for approx. 2 years) that I used to watch videos or RV episodes, which the theme was somewhat kosher, but the actors weren't the most tzinusdik. I've written about the challenge here on GYE in the past. BH I'm mostly weaned off it, except for one show which I don't know if I will be to withstand not watching it when the new series comes out. (BH it is delayed due to covid). I give credit to anyone who can withstand this challenge after watching a series.

Wishing everyone a happy Chanukah and may we all be zoche to see the light and allow it to shine in us and our homes.

10 reminders why I want to stop lusting. . . . 

PROS: sweet enjoyable feeling, exciting, relives stress tension and boredom., satisfies urges. 
     
CONS:                                                  
1.Sick of leading a double life
2.leaves feelings of guilt, Depression, shame, embarrassment, uncleanliness , hypocrisy, cant look people in the eye     
3.scared of getting caught, ruining my marriage and life. ,
4.betraying my wife and kids
5.lack of selfcontrol, animalistic   
6.Angers G-D                                   
7.makes me in a grumpy snappy tired mood, hurts my stomach.      8.addictive and unhealthy behavior physically and spiritually.                      9.Takes over my mind/personality and controls me day and night  leaving little head space for important things                         
10.Time waster with no lasting benefits, doesnt solve any problems just exasperates them.                             

Wannabepure2 wrote on 09 Dec 2020 01:33:

MIRACLE #1 BY: Wannabepure2.

173 DAYS! INCREDIBLE! 

Welcome!!! Thank you for joining and posting. You are the very first hero of the challenge! 

I'm going to write something that is 100% true. I just posted on my thread that the past few days I am having a really hard time. Reading your post really helped me. I can't place my finger on it exactly, but I feel encouraged and more confident. Thank you for that.

Thanks REM,

Unfortunately I've been having some falls.
I was going through some tough stuff, but B"H things seem to be looking brighter now. Of course that's no excuse, but as an addict, unfortunately I find my soothing in the wrong means. Certainly something to work on.
Now I'll get serious and Bez"H get back on track.
Will keep you all posted again.
Thank you all for the support!

YeshivaGuy wrote on 07 Dec 2020 06:17:

I hear, yesh v'yesh, I didn't have any access to internet growing up until I got my own phone without permission (cuz I thought it must have been cool if it was against the rules). I started watching movies in high school because that's what all the cool kids did. I also started smoking around that time for the same reason (b"H stopped a few years later). I needed the attention and recognition and this is how I got it.

My point is, it's not only the parents fault. It may be true in cases like yours and people like you but there are many different stories that lead to the same place. 

wilnevergiveup wrote on 07 Dec 2020 05:23:

Maskim 100%!
And there should be special ads targeting buchrim and videos targeting buchrim in Mesivta/Bais Medrash. 


But as I said above, besides the very real toeles in bringing more buchrim to this site. I beleive that’s just a bandaid.
And though a bandaid is needed, we also need to get to the root of the problem.
Buchrim aren’t magically having access to porn, there are people who are bringing these devices into their homes...

wilnevergiveup wrote on 07 Dec 2020 05:23:

That’s my suspicion.
A lot of the advertisements appear that way...

When I first joined I was sure this place is just for crazy porn addicts.
That’s why in my first post on this thread I made a point of saying I’m not addicted.
I didn’t think this place was for me, and I thought my decision to come here was maybe even abit too extreme.

But honestly, with the right chinuch (for children and parents) we won’t need this website so much.
The goal is not and should not be to simply have more people post about their problems here.

GYE must be more than a “website.” It must assume the role as being mechanech the parents and children through in person seminars, workshops etc etc about the dangers...

There needs to be a “chinuch revolution” in Klall Yisrael. 
Again, I’m not a Talmud Chacham and surely no where close to being a Baal Eitza or to know what Klall Yisrael truly needs.
Im just pointing out some ideas and thoughts as a 21 year old guy in Yeshiva who has been around the block, spoken to many guys, and thinks there’s a massive problem.