If any of that sounds too good to be true, just remember: the mindset of "porn doesn't do anything for me, and is only harmful" is exactly how non-users of porn or any drug view it. I see smoking, drinking, and drugs exactly that way: it's harmful to me, is addictive, and offers me no benefit at all. It's only users who feel that they're getting a benefit from their drug of choice.

What I am is a happy non-user. If you've been abstinent from porn or whatever (youtube, etc) for a while but still feel like you're missing out on the "fun", I'd recommend reading the book and you'll no longer feel that way. Ask yourself: are you going to struggle for the rest of your life? Are you going to "suffer" and "survive" for the rest of your life? Don't you want to move forward already? Just my thoughts.

I don't count days anymore. If my plan is to never PMO ever again, who cares how many days it's been since my last time? If I do have a lapse in non-porn use and have a session, I can just examine where I went wrong, clarify what caused me to have a session, and move on, a happy non-user of pornography. A lapse would be unfortunate, but not the end of the world and I know how to deal with lapses.

Here's how this has helped me. In the past, I would be struggling against my desires, using willpower to stay abstinent from porn use. Part of me knew it was bad for me physically, mentally and spiritually, but part of me also really wanted the (perceived) benefits I was getting from using, like stress relief, relaxation, relief from boredom, sexual gratification, etc.

Now that I've read the book a few times and really understand how the method works, I've systematically worked through every benefit I thought I was getting from porn use, and I realize now how I wasn't really getting any benefit at all from porn. So now, instead of struggling against my desire for porn, I just have no desire for porn. I do get cravings, but it's easy to deal with a craving for something that you have no desire for. The cravings get less and less with time, as well.

I also no longer see my addiction as some flaw in my willpower or morality. I just see myself as someone who wasn't aware of the trap, fell in the trap, spent a long time in the trap, and now is free of the trap. People may be skeptical, but that's fine.

But still, you might say "But the subject of the image/video is so intoxicating, so beautiful! I can't help myself!"

If the subject is so attractive to you, then why go immediately to the next image or video? If the subject is so beautiful, then why are you immediately disgusted when the session is over? Do people look at a beautiful sunrise and then immediately look for a new sunrise to look at? Do they feel disgusted when they're done looking at the sunrise? You're not using porn because of your sexual drive – porn kills sexual drive (PIED). Porn isn't beautiful or enjoyable, it's just addictive.

People don't habitually watch porn because they love it. They don't do it because they decided to or chose to. They do it because they were lured into the trap, and now they're stuck. It's a subtle trap that millions have fallen for.

Good news! It's easy to climb out of the trap of addiction when you know how. It's even enjoyable! You don't have to suffer if you don't want to. If any of the things you've read resonated with you and you're interested in learning more, I'd recommend reading the book, an open source project available for free with no signup online on a mobile friendly website or as a pdf here:

easypeasymethod.org

easypeasymethod.org/easypeasy.pdf

Many people may be skeptical and say "Yeah tzaddik'l, we get that you can remove the desire for smoking, but nobody is born with a drive to smoke! Smoking is a needless addiction that people develop later in life. However, we all have a drive to reproduce...am I not supposed to have a sexual drive anymore? How can I remove the desire for something that every human being or even an animal has: a desire to reproduce? How can I remove that desire?

Good question. Obviously you can educate yourself by reading the book, as you would with any other issue in your life. But in response to the question, it's very clear how you can remove the desire for porn (or, youtube, etc) even though we have a sexual drive. 

Porn is not sex.

You don't view the images or videos because of sexual attraction or lust. You do it to get the brief dopamine hit that viewing gives you by hijacking your natural sexual reward center in your brain. All you ever get from it is the brief dopamine boost that you need because of the withdrawal craving from the last time you had a session. To keep the dopamine flooding going, you move from image to image; from video to video; opening multiple tabs and windows; saving content you never end up watching; dancing near the boundary of what you find acceptable and what you find shocking because the more shocking the material the more dopamine you get.

How is that at all related to sexual desire? If you really found the image or the video to be so compelling and the subject to be so beautiful and intoxicating, then all you would ever need is that one image or video for the rest of your life. But it's never enough. It's never even enough for one session. It's never even enough for the first minute of one session. It's not about sex. It might have been about sex the first time, but ask yourself if that's what you're getting out of it now, or are you just perpetuating the cycle of dopamine flooding followed by the comedown, followed by the withdrawal craving, followed by the inevitable next session?

Alan Carr's big insight into smoking was that people don't smoke for all of the reasons they should quit, such as health, money, hygiene, etc; they smoke for all of the reasons they think they enjoy it. Most smokers smoke because they enjoy the taste, it relaxes them, it's a sociable activity, it relieves stress, it looks cool, and so on. Carr's insight was that he was getting none of the benefits that he thought he was getting from his 100 cigarettes a day habit, er, nicotine addiction. He realized that it wasn't that the disadvantages of smoking outweighed the advantages of smoking...it was that there were ABSOLUTELY no advantages to smoking whatsoever. So why smoke if you get nothing out of it? There's a lot more to the method, but how Easyway (EasyPeasy in our case of porn) works is it removes your desire to use your drug of choice. 

The way that the book EasyPeasy works is that over the course of reading it, it systematically takes all of your beliefs about your drug of choice (porn, Youtube, IG, social media, "non-porn" images and video) and shows how you're not actually getting out of it what you thought you were getting out of it.

BPositive wrote on 30 Aug 2021 22:44:

Don't beat yourself up, just read a book.

i feel for you, we are in this together.

i also hade huge depression this week.

i take non addictive meds to help me, it was hard for me to start taking it but it helps a lot deal with the depression, withdrawal is like having an open heart surgery so i need to get the meds.

i ask Hashem please make us all feel good while being sober.

please keep sharing let the pain flow out of the keyboard rather then from acting out.

this is what I'm doing in times of pain, i close the lights, turn on slow heart warming music, light a scented candle and start typing on the keyboard writing my feelings, that i send to another fellow.

I think I finally internalized the idea that just as we bless Hashem for the bad we must we bless Him for the good. Because we really don't know the difference. And when I bless my Higher Power for the bad I am taking action which puts the lie to my usual behavior, which is to fear His punishment or tests. And I know that Hashem relates to me like I choose to relate to Him. So eventually He will bless me for my transgressions, or at least I will believe that He does. And that perception of Hashem is the perception of a healthy, non addicted person.

I can honestly take the actions of love and say "thank you for making me an addict and giving me children and then taking them all away."

I think the key is not thinking that you don't understand why something terrible is good. but being serene because you think it's from Him.

Joe770 wrote on 07 Oct 2021 06:12:

Good morning, was/am in the same boat, so sorry to hear. You've tried everything? Friend calls, mentorship program, SA, Smart recovery, PA, told your Rebbe/Mashgiach? What were the outcomes?

Thanks

Joe770 wrote on 07 Oct 2021 06:12:

Here's a guy who can exchange phone numbers with you if you are so inclined. I'm no expert, just another guy addicted to p&m.

Hi guys,
I'm your average bochur in yeshiva  for the most part except in one area... I have tried multiple times to stay away from anything not tznius, and I'm talking like 5 years, most of the time I was in yeshiva and didn't have access but that didn't stop me when i would get home. Throughout the years i had my ups and downs, and some times i really stayed strong and looking back im proud of those time's, but recently it became the worst its ever been yet, so i decided to give gye a try and do the 90 day program, but even that i failed multiple times.
So here i am writing this hopping that writing and having people's support will help.

- feeling i tried everything to quit this addiction

barber wrote on 06 Oct 2021 22:15:

Fortunately there is hope for people who were abused but there is only a very small number of therapists who can pull it off. And I'm not allowed to tell you who they are.

If you have a sex addiction as a result though you need a support group anyway. I don't know how bad the damage is, how long it went on for etc. If you are here probably need one though.

sleepy wrote on 06 Sep 2021 04:59:


is this black and white murder? can you imagine how her life is on the line? she wants a divorce and remarry to another nice guy with a kid she is locked in for two years plus she will have a kid with her.

i don't say its the right thing to make abortion but to think about it? or feel like she would be better off with it?

of curse i don't want my wife should divorce me for my addiction but the pain she goes through because of my addiction is so sever that me in her place would hade suicided thoughts thanks god that Hashem helps my wife going through the difficult time and i ask him to heal her wounds

Mikegtoday wrote on 05 Oct 2021 10:42:

This is mind boggling. I'm glad this did not happen to me because the respected tzadik would have been history one way or the other.

This confirms what I learned from most Jews' callous attitude towards coronavirus, namely that Hashem, the Torah and the Jews are three very different things. And specifically that there is a reason why Hashem destroyed the bays. Certain things we think and do really really bother Him.

We put a positive spin on it, but any time things don't make sense you always have to go back to that.

I think this is what it means when the malachim question Hashem regarding the ten martyrs and He responds "be quiet or I'll turn the world back to nothing."

I think the same applies to the occasional talmid chacham who has sex with little boys. Not cool with the Master of the Universe, but we look the other way because it's the tip of an iceberg that involves all of us.

But the problem is the people, not the Torah and certainly not Hashem. We just suck a lot more than we are willing to ever admit.

Just now I was thinking that I maybe don't believe that Hashem is good any more.

But I think I'm just seeing what I have always held. Meaning God is good when things are going well, and He's bad when things are terrible. And He probably views me the way I choose to view Him. So maybe if I want to fix my addiction I need to surrender that thought and let the adult me take over from the child me (this is what my sponsor explained) and give God a chance to keep me sober and love me, find out who He really was all along.

Also considering that viewing Him as a manipulative controlling God enables me to go get my lust, which is my avoda zara that I love. I can hardly trust myself to have an objective view.