Hi guys,
I'm your average bochur in yeshiva  for the most part except in one area... I have tried multiple times to stay away from anything not tznius, and I'm talking like 5 years, most of the time I was in yeshiva and didn't have access but that didn't stop me when i would get home. Throughout the years i had my ups and downs, and some times i really stayed strong and looking back im proud of those time's, but recently it became the worst its ever been yet, so i decided to give gye a try and do the 90 day program, but even that i failed multiple times.
So here i am writing this hopping that writing and having people's support will help.

- feeling i tried everything to quit this addiction

Welcome to the club!

Posting is a great step forward and with Hashems help you will be in a much better place.

I can relate to your story well. While in mesivta i would stay clean but once I got home I was drawn to The unfiltered devices.

I never thought about a filter before GYE but now the word in the street is that zedj is one of the biggest advocates.

Do you have a filter on accessible devices?
What have you tried?
Have you ever spoken to anyone about it?

Stay with us, share your ups and downs and vent away!
The guys here are really amazing and will have your back no matter what.

Much Hatzlocha!

I sent you a pm

Joe770 wrote on 07 Oct 2021 06:12:

Here's a guy who can exchange phone numbers with you if you are so inclined. I'm no expert, just another guy addicted to p&m.

had the same problem, clean a whole zman and then bein hazmanim...

just to keep fighting. שבע יפול צדיק וקם even after a fall you stay a צדיק

Hi!  Please keep posting! You will find a lot of support and encouragement here.

Also please download the free resources in my signature. They will add a boost.

Hatzlocha

lodaas wrote on 07 Oct 2021 12:28:

If it were me I could be a tzadik for the whole zman because I know in the back of my mind that I'll be able to act out bein hazmanim. I think in my brain that pleasure is so wonderful that I'll wait a tremendous amount of time. That's the true disease.

Joe770 wrote on 07 Oct 2021 06:12:

Good morning, was/am in the same boat, so sorry to hear. You've tried everything? Friend calls, mentorship program, SA, Smart recovery, PA, told your Rebbe/Mashgiach? What were the outcomes?

Thanks

I also tried everything. For decades.

The game changer for me - was the ability to post nightly and vent the _ _ _ _ out of my keyboard...

Oh, did I mention that having HHM was also an important ingredient?

Oops, I forgot to mention that you need to resolve that you are a completely new guy.

Wait, I forgot to mention Tefila..

You've come to the right place, brother.

I promise!

Welcome dear fellow Grodnian ~ IMG

you are in the right place just hang in here and start your 90 days chart and take what's offered and you will be ok

its also very helpful to read the gye hand book

Welcome. Stay connected with the chevra here. Iyh you will graduate.

You wrote: "I'm your average bochur in yeshiva  for the most part except in one area... I have tried multiple times to stay away from anything not tznius". Sorry to tell you but in many ways you are an average bochur in this inyan too. Many many guys struggle with this."

I always knew that in shamayim I have a fan club, meaning Hashem, malochim and neshomos are all standing and watching me, kinda like a massive full stadium by a professional sports game.

If you don't get what I'm saying,  imagine you got a massive stadium full of angels and souls, and they all got signs and t-shirts with their favorite team on it, and they sit there munching on their popcorn and siping on their soda watching your life.

like any good sports game a team will have it's up's and down's, but since that team is playing in a stadium full of its fans they have support. so when they are losing they got an entire stadium cheering them on, chanting them on, waiving their team flag and believing in them, that gives them the strength to continue playing. And the same is true in the positive, every time the team scores all their fans in the stadium go wild, they jump up on their seats and scream on top of their lungs. That gives the team the energy and desire to score again, because even if they are ready to give up for themselves, how can they let their fans down?

it's the same exact thing in shamayim, Hashem the angles and souls watch and cheer me on, when I fall they are let down, but right away are chanting my name trying to encourage and motivate me to continue. And when I'm about to slip, but instead I stay strong that's when the real craziness starts, the place goes absolutely crazy, because angels could scream alot louder then humans, and the flags they waive are 10 times the size, and you can forget about the popcorn it goes all over the place(they need to refill after every such celebration), some angels that can't even handle the amazing light generated that they just evaporate, you got a few souls saying "that's my great-great-great-grandson". you think when a team wins the super bowl it is crazy, its not even comparable to what happens in shamayim when a jew wins a temptation. (The one way it is comparable to a super bowl is, just like the people that can't make it in person throw a super bowl party, so too for all the angles that cant make it, they also throw parties and celebrate your victories. Except I don't know what they call it, if you do please let me know.)

so that's what I mean when I say in shamayim I got a fan club. But the one issue is, although what I said is true and I know it, it hasn't really stopped me from letting them down in the long run (short term it has help hold my self back). But by me starting this forum, I'm not only having a fan club up in shamayim, I'm having one down here. And so far it's been helping, so thanks guys, it's been 3 day's so far and it may sound funny but for my situation now that's an accomplishment.

-Happy to have a real fan club

Joe770 wrote on 10 Oct 2021 05:24:

Great post! Keep em coming!

A really beautiful post!!

I wouldn’t call myself a genius but from my extensive experience, which kind of makes me an expert, the 2nd and 3rd week are hard. 

And that’s the background story which brought me here today writing this post. As I enter my 2nd week I figured writing this to you guys will give me a boost.

P.s. you can call me a genius if you want, I don’t mind.

-starting to feel hope